I may look dumb. But that's just because I'm often confused. And confusion, my friends, should never be mistaken for stupidity. Unless, of course, the confusion is over something easily understandable. Like simple math. But if the confusion stems from something genuinely befuddling? Like, say, the contemplation of the obvious crush my wife's OBGYN has on her? Now, that's a different story.
I know what you're thinking. I'm overreacting, right? Surely my wife's OBGYN views her just like any other patient. Nope. I'm quite certain that he's got a little somethin'-somethin' for my wife. And here 5 reasons why I'm so sure.
- 1. He Never Addresses Me: Not talking holiday cards here, folks. Addressing as in speaks. He never speaks to me. Nor does he ever make eye contact. Even if I ask him a question, he answers while looking directly at my wife, as if she's the one who asked him. Excuse, me, Doc? Could you at least pretend like you know I'm here?
- 2. He Gave Her His Contact Info: No big deal, right? Right. No big deal at all. Um, except that in all that info he doled out, he included his home number. Dude. Why don't you just go ahead and ask her what her sign is?
- 3. All The Touching: Caroline's last pregnancy spawned the summer months. And he often touched her legs while reminding her of the importance of sunscreen. Wait. Are we on the wrong floor? Because we need an OBGYN, not a dermatologist. At one point last pregnancy, we learned that our baby girl wasn't gaining anywhere near as much weight as our boys were. "Why is this happening?" Caroline had asked. "Not all parts of the placenta are created equally," he answered as he gently rubbed my wife's calf. Wait, the placenta's not in the leg, is it? "You see," he continued, "your daughter is not getting the same amount of nourishment that your sons are." Will rubbing Caroline's shapely leg fix that?
- 4. All the Compliments: This guy is a compliment machine. He squeezes more in a 30-minute consultation than I do in a week. Many of them pertain to how lovely he finds my wife to be. I heard your wife's hot, too, Doc. Too bad she's too old for me.
- 5. Invasion of Personal Space: Caroline's OBGYN is not afraid to get all up in her grill when asking her how she's doing. Talk about a cologne check. His stare locks into hers a little longer than I might expect. Helloooo. Still right here, Doc.
To read 5 reasons why John is okay that his wife's OBGYN is into her, visit Being Pregnant.
MORE ON BABY'S FIRST YEAR:
6 Creative Ways to Document Your Pregnancy
How to Talk to Your Wife About Sex...When She's Pregnant
11 Questions You Should Ask Your OBGYN or Midwife
Get connected! Follow Being Pregnant on Facebook and Twitter.