I don't care what anyone says, a miscarriage is never "just a miscarriage." It's a phrase I've heard so often, it makes me want to scream from the highest mountain top. Grief hits everyone differently, and while it may take "x" amount of time for one person to feel the fog of grief lifted, it doesn't mean that same timeline should be held to another person or family.
Miscarriage can be more complicated than the simplicity of the term "pregnancy loss" seems to bring with it. A miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy, of a child, a family member, of hopes and dreams, of holding your child, of knowing them, of watching them grow, and the list can go on. No, I am not being dramatic; I know these losses firsthand.
It's important to take time to grieve after a miscarriage, and if you've not been through grief before, that alone can hit you hard. The conflicting emotions, the not knowing if it will all be okay again, and just how to help yourself heal after such a loss. I was so lost in the early days of grief, but there are some steps I have taken that have really helped point me in the right direction of healing. However, it has been an ongoing process.
Here are 7 steps I've taken to help heal after a miscarriage:
Writing about my grief online or private journals has helped me so much. Getting the words and feelings out of my head and onto paper allows me to feel them - in a real way, and get them out of my head.
I like to talk about Triton and all my miscarriages. While it's not all the time, I do like being comfortable in speaking his name and of our short time together.
I've gotten a tattoo for each of my losses, and I have found the whole process to be very healing. I have a cherry blossom with falling petals in various places on my body (12 of them), each commemorating one loss.
Working to break the silence on the impact of perinatal grief and loss has been a good focus for my energy, and it's amazing what it's done for my spirit.
The ability to connect with others who are walking a similar path has been very healing. Hearing their stories, their thoughts, their pain, and learning from each other's experiences has helped me grow in many ways than just one.
I've planted a tree and have a little statue to symbolize my losses. Being able to watch it grow and thrive has been very healing.
Being able to talk to caring doctors and health professionals, and learning as much as I can about the medical issues behind a miscarriage and grief has opened my eyes a lot.
-By Devan McGuinness