Are you considering divorce or separation? Are you already divorced? Are you presently dealing with issues of dating, visitation schedules, and feelings of animosity towards your spouse? Are you in the space where you realize divorce is not the best situation for your children, but things have progressed too far to turn back?
So that do you do at this point to protect your children? How do you help them minimize the negative effects of divorce? As a way to help your children make the transition in a positive manner avoid the seven worst things you can say to your children during divorce, listed below.
- "If you behaved yourself more, your mother (farther) wouldn't get so mad at me."
Your child is NOT responsible for your relationship problems with your partner. Hinting that your child is in some way responsible your divorce, wounds the spirit and slashes the soul. Regardless of what your child has done or said, putting responsibility on them is totally inappropriate.
Remember, a divorce takes place between the two married people in the relationship. Although divorce affects the children, you are not divorcing them. You are divorcing the person to whom you are married.
- "Your mother is a tramp." or "Your father is an adulterer."
Name calling in front of your children is inexcusable. Regardless of what your partner has done and how you feel about them. Remember this person is still your child's parent. If they ha ve had an affair or done other mean things to you, it is not your place to tell the children about their behavior. Saying hurtful things to the children about their parent does not hit the intended target, your "ex." It hits and hurts the ones you still love, your children.
- "What does your mother say about me?" or "Is your father seeing someone else?"
Do not place your children in the role of informant whose job it is to keep you updated on the events and happenings around mom's house. They are not conduits of information to be pumped for information. Keep them out of the middle and off the witness stand.
The main focus of your communication with your "ex" should be that of your children, their development and continued care. Those questions that do not pertain to the kids may not be any of your business. Ask yourself if the answers to your questions benefit your children or yourself. Be honest with yourself at this point. If it only benefits you, let it go. Your children are what is most important.
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller on Intent.com
Authors of several parenting books, Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman write an extraordinary and uplifting blog for parents at www.uncommon-parenting.com
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