valentinecard Okay, so the title isn't exactly PC, but what parent doesn't secretly love it when their child says they want to marry them? I mean for how many years are they going to want to make-out with, hug, snuggle, or hold your hand?
On February 14th last year my daughter came in to wish me a happy Valentine's Day, to give me a stunning hand-made card, and to neck. "Oh, this card is awesome. Come give Mommy a kiss," I said in a very innocent non-incestuous way. My daughter, maybe wanting to show me the magnitude of the holiday, grabbed my face with both hands and planted the biggest smooch on me, I almost started to giggle mid-peck. But, she wasn't done; she started turning her head from side to side in her best iCarly imitation. "Ummm, okay cutie," I said feeling partly amused and partly violated.
"But, Mommy I want one more kiss," she said as she came in for another.
"Hon, you gotta save those kinds of kisses for your husband and pillows" I said, as if they're in limited quantity. "I think you're confused my love, we don't kiss Mommies or Daddies or Brothers or cousins or friends like that. It's inappropriate." I feel I have the "inappropriate" convo way more than any mom of a 5 year old should, but "inappropriate" beats "slutty" any day -though I was thinking, you're not allowed out of the house until you're 20.
"Hey, you wanna go on a date?" she asked ignoring me, and coming in for another.
"Yeah, let's go on a date and kiss and get some lollipops!" She said trying to woo me, and then planted another smack on my lips.
"Sure, I would love to go on a date and get lollipops with you." What? For how many more years will she want to date me? The days of her telling me I am "so gay" and asking me to drop her off a block from the mall, so she doesn't have to be seen with her queer mom, are around the corner. If she wants a lollipop date, I'm in. "Let's go, but we gotta stop making-out."
"But Mom, I love you sooo much" she said squeezing me tight.
Awwww, let's just hug and be in this moment, I thought until she followed up with "I want to puke of love!"
Okay, so she's a bit confused, but she said it in her "sexy voice," which means it was a compliment. I will overlook the fact that it also means it was an attempt to pick me up.
PS my son's card simply read: Will you be my valentine? I will be yours, if you will be mine… just asking.
To you, my insecure child, that doesn't want to make-out with me, but I hope still wants to marry me, "Yes, 1000 times yes. You make me want to puke of love!!!"
Who knows what this year will hold?
Jenny from the Blog is a Freelance writer and humor columnist. Her work as been published in local and national magazines and writes weekly at iVillage, HybridMom, and Momtourage. She is also a Parent/Lifestyle expert for NBC. Check out her blog: The Suburban Jungle and twitter at @SuburbanJungle she guarantees reading them will make you tanner, smarter and reduces cellulite.