American hypocrites slam single mothers

Why is it that people want to label any group as "bad"? As with any large groups of people, some single parents, mom or dad, might be classified as bad. To say that a whole group of people are bad because they made a choice to raise their children alone is just plain ignorant. Yes I am a single mom. Yes, their father and I work hard to raise them "right." I believe what"s wrong with society is small minded bigots who blame societies misfortunes on a group rather than look to themselves.

You know what i tried to do the right thing and stayed married for my kids. But I was still a single mom. Face it some guys refuse to take on responsiblility and in some cases mom's and kids are better off going at it alone.

Widow's are considered single...

I was in a marriage that I experienced physical, mental, emotional, and financial abuse. I filed for divorce and 2 weeks later found out I was pregnant and they forced me to stay married to him. He has since had supervised visitation due to his abusive behavior. He has had a felony of nonpayment on his child support and works under the table now while accepting unemployment. He does not try to see his daughter and she has expressed her desire to change her name to my maiden name, which I took back after our divorce over 10 years ago. She does not like or trust her father and that is due to his actions and lack of attention, continuous lies and lack of financial responsibility. He does not care about her needs just his desire to interfere in my personal relationships, distort the truth of his history in prison for fraud and his illegal drug use and his families ability to get assistance in hiding his whereabouts and the law enforcers from doing their jobs and enforcing his child support court orders. I am a single mom in shcool because I worked for many years without any finacial support from him or his family and felt like I needed a career that required a bachelor degree. The stress I am under is unsurmountable to the lies he and his family have tried to spread about me and I would not have ever had any financial problems or stress if it wasn't for the thug tactics he and his family have placed upon my daughter and I. He is delusional, for example answering the telephone as the sherriff's department, accusing a very old dear family friend (who happens to be a male) as a boutie call, when he was enquiring to come over and discuss the security problems that I have had due to his friends and family members who have secretly been harassing me. I have experienced break ins and computer hacking. I have been working with the police and they are aware of what I have experienced, the local utility company is aware of people in my rounting area who are possible problems and they are all being watched carefully. I have done everything I can on my end and it is time the world understands that these stalking tactics and illegal means of entering unwelcomed into my life and activities is a violation of mine and my daughters constitutional rights to live our lives privately and with out censorship via thte internet or any other means to distort out lives...it is terrorism. I am demanding that the government stop protecting these people and protect the personal, private lives of American citizens instead of the law breakers, pranksters, and out right stalkers.

First - thanks, Wendy Rose - for reminding to put things back in perspective, after a few weeks of forgetting who I am, and where I've come from, and raising three kids as a single mother. I've done it, although there's an awful lot of uncertainty in my life right now, but I'm almost there.
Life isn't always fair - did I think I'd be doing this alone? I was alone when I was married, so other than having a bed partner, or the extra work, my life is essentially the same as it was all those years ago. I've managed to get two of them to adulthood, with alot of criticism, and the third one is on his way, too. I just have to remind myself that I have something with my kids that their father will never have, by his choice - their respect and love. Did I make mistakes? Yes. Would I do something things differently? Yes, but, this is where I'm at with my kids, and we're moving along, thank you.
Does the criticism hurt? Yes, alot. People have said, sometimes behind my back, and sometimes right to my face, that all or any of the problems that I've had are because I don't have a 'man' around -or I have out of control kids because I'm single, and I work. Or I don't fit in because I drive an old car, or don't keep my yard nice - or to watch out because I'm on the hunt for someone's husband (and trust me, a husband is the last thing that I want). I don't have a huge social life, because I don't have the time, but I have friends that I know I can count on, and I would, in turn, do anything in the world for them. I have my sons, and their friends that have rescued me when my car broke down, or picked me up from work when my car was out of commission. I never had a son that got arrested for beating someone with a baseball bat, or got fired because they were stealing at work. Do I have Ivy Leaguers? No, but I'm raising decent, caring sons who are definately individuals, creative and unusual, and are headed in the right direction.
I get angry when I read these sweeping generalizations about single mothers - we all come from all different places, and are all headed in different directions, and for the most part, the one thing we all have in common is raising our kids. I'm not bitter about my ex's life - I worked hard to keep a good relationship with him, and his new wife - and I just remind myself, when I get a bit taken aback by his new car, or his trips every year to resorts, that isn't what I'm about - and never was, that's one of the reasons why we're not together.
Maybe it is fear that anyone could suddenly find themselves in a position of having to be both parents at once, having to worry about money to the point of counting out change to buy gas, and to have to make tuna sandwiches for dinner because payday is another four days away and you don't have anything else. Its not always so bad on this side of the dime - like I said before, I have a very full life, and I have a level of contentment know that I've pretty much done it on my own, and have three great kids to show for it.

I hate men who bash single mothers. Most of the men who bash single mothers impregnate women and leave them high and dry.
A lot of men use women so I find their criticisms of single mothers to be hypocritical.
I don't view single mothers as an ideal arrangement for children but it's better than the children being wards of state.
The single mothers are responsible and I applaud them. I also applaud the single fathers for being responsible too. I admit single parents have a more difficult time finding new mates because of prejudiced views many childless people have towards them.
I am not a single mother but I sympathize with them.

In All My Glory

I am a statistic. I am actually several statistics; I am among the 50% of divorced people in this country and among the 54% of single mothers in the United States struggling to raise children alone. I am among the whopping percent of women whose children will rise out of the ashes of a broken home. I live in a fishbowl although I am not famous. Society is watching me to see if I can pull this off; alone. Sometimes I feel like society wants my children to fail to prove the hypothesis of renowned researchers and professors who tell us that children from broken homes will not have the same opportunity as children from a two parent household. I heard on the news today that 52 % of single mothers are living below the poverty line. I personally don’t know where the line begins and ends but many days I feel like am dangling dangerously close to it or I feel like I’m walking on it like a circus act on a tight rope; arms out, barely keeping my balance.

When I said my vows, I did not intend to end up alone; this was not in the plan. I had every intention on being like my parents and staying married 40 something years and all that comes with it. My ex- husband is quick to remind me that I chose this, and I did. I chose peace for my life and for my girls. The strange thing is that even when I was married, I was still struggling; asking my sister for money for the light bill, and we had constantly negative bank accounts because of frivolous spending. I was alone many many nights, way into the wee hours of the morning and sometimes my husband would come home with the sun. Yes, I chose this because I wanted my peace of mind and I did not want to continue to expose my daughters to this nonsense. The anger that it caused in me was unmatched and I knew that eventually there would have been hot grits involved in our situation, I chose peace for my life and in the process I realized that it’s not always best to “stay for the kids.” Jill Scott said it best “Slowly surely I walk away from self-serving undeserving constantly hurting me love… deserting me love.”

I am an awesome woman and mother. I am not invisible; I am invincible. Every night I go to bed with a luxury that many people don’t have, my peace of mind. I cannot put a price on the ability to go to sleep at night. Don’t misunderstand my position; I would love to be with a person deserving of what I have to offer. I love men, I love the way they smell, the way they walk, the way they talk and I would love to be in a committed relationship again one day. It’s just that today, I am not in one and I am still happy. I am raising my girls alone and we are happy, they are silly, we laugh, we argue we play music loud and eat bad things together sometimes. I hate that they will be labeled as products of divorce in our society and that with every mistake they make it will be because there was not a father in the home. I have a job to do. My job is to be a mother. They have a healthy relationship with their father, he is not absent from their lives. I respect his position, and I have no desire to fill his shoes; those shoes belong to him and I have my own shoes to keep full.

I am far from perfect. I have cellulite on my but and on my thighs, but hey, so does Tyra Banks and she is always fierce. Raise your hand if you don’t have any cellulite any place on your body and all I am going to say to you is just keep waking up in the morning. I am sure of one thing, and that is that I am not alone; I have favor. God keeps his hand in my life. I have a Master’s Degree, but that does not mean that I have not gone to gas station with ten dollars to get five dollars in gas and use the other five for lunch money for the girls; sometimes it’s just like that. I don’t wear designer clothes, handbags and boots and I drive a Honda Accord. I don’t have a Sugar Daddy and I have never been tempted to exchange my body in return for monetary assistance although I have had a few light bills that needed to be paid.

I am an American single mother, more than that, I am a black American single mother and society wants to write off my children. They want me to believe that my kids cannot or will not be as successful as children from a two parent household. As a black woman, society wants me to believe that there are no good black men in the world and that if they exist, they are taken. I don’t believe in society, I believe in God and because God is in me, I believe in myself. The man for me may not be black, success in my eyes many not be the same as in someone else’s. Aside from the fact that I am a single black female, there are many adjectives to describe me. I am beautiful, intelligent, gifted, resilient, determined, diligent, humorous, submissive, and dynamic; above all, I am grateful. I have the power; I am a woman, standing in all of my glory.

Wendy Rose
msdst11@yahoo.com

As a young child, I had both my mother and father. Father worked and mother stayed at the house with the children, hey three small girls is no easy task. So very traditional and I had the best childhood. I firmly belive the best environment for a child contains both parents.

Then they split up and during middle school I lived with my mom. As a single mom she had a hard time with money and was looked down upon, but she was very concerned about how happy we were. She made sacrifices my father never would just so I would be happy in school. Unfortunately for her, she made wrong choices concerning money, couldn't support us, and my sisters and I went to living with our dad.

Life with my dad was much more stable than life with my mom which I think was better for my high school years. However, the reaction that other people had was less than suppotrive. People assumed that living with a single dad meant we couldn't possibly get the love we needed. After all, love is concidered a mother's thing. I found out a dad's love, though different form a mom's love, is no less special.

I've lived with a single mom and a single dad, but in the end I loved life best when I had two parents. I know situations are different for every single parent, but it seems stereotypes will always persist. Single moms are either hailed as the strong independent woman who shruged off some jerk face male, or rejected as some pathetic excuse for a supportive home life. On the other side, single dads are either praised for stepping when the mother died or dissmissed as an inadequate source of love and affection that a child needs.

The cicumstances are limitless. Maybe the single mom really did get pregant young, or maybe the dad was a jerk face deadbeat, or he cheated and ran off with another woman, or maybe there is no father at all because the mom thinks men are unnecessary. Maybe the single dad doesn't need to remarry, maybe the wife cheated on him and left with another man, or tried to screw him out if all his money and kids and he had to fight to keep them. The fact is all single parents come from somewhere different and the bottem line is yes single moms can give children structure and support, and yes single dads do love their kids enough and give them emotional support.

I don't think there is a problem with either parent being single although I will always believe in the special life of the two parent household.

I think people have a problem with women that keep having babies with different fathers and have no intention of being in a long term relationship. They get aid for the kids and yes that is a drain.....I work in early intervention and I see it every day.
I also see very strong single moms that are doing a great job and have well behaved kids too. So I see both sides. Some dads are involved but it seems that moms end up having the majority of the hard work and that's not right.

But that's just it. People are quick to judge any woman with kids and no man as a "stupid woman who was out sleeping around and got herself knocked up by some random guy". When in reality, that's probably the LEAST common scenario. When the divorce rate in this country is 50%, you'd think that people would realize that it's more likely the "single mom" is actually a "divorced mom"...

I think part of the reason single moms are singled out as "bad" is because most people think "Oh stupid woman got herself knocked up" where as single dad its "The mother died/walked out now he's trying to raise the kids." Because for some reason single dads seem bumbling (watch any single dad sitcom most of them the dad barely knows what he's doing) and just trying to do what's best while the single mom is trying to get a date. (again sitcoms which for some reason is where we get our stereotypes from.)

I became a single mom due to divorce. My ex was a decent guy when we got married, but he got tangled up in drugs and changed drastically, to the point that he became a danger to us. How does that make me an irresponsible slut? How does that make me some chick who was just out looking for a baby daddy, or just out looking for some hot guy to bang? I don't get it.

Abortion: get one or get married.

i agree with Mysterious Gryphon. If women made sure that the person they're about to sleep with is good enough that he won't leave you all alone with a child we wouldn't have this problem.

I'm a single mom of 2 girls. Father of my girls is a jerk and well let's just say he has never really been there, financially. So it's been me supporting my girls. I actually get a lot of praise for being a single mom. Because I am independent and live on my own and no, without any goverment help thank you very much. So whatever, if the dad wasn't such an ahole and actually wanted to be there for his kids then we wouldn't be having the 'single mother problem". but I prefer it this way.

Wow. Everyone here is sexist against men. If two people had sex at sometime in the past and they're not currently married than the male is a deadbeat? I don't understand. If you're not married to your kid's other parent than one of you is a single parent. I don't understand why the one without the kid is somehow a villain.

There is nothing wrong with being a single parent, mom or dad...people need to stop worrying about everyone else and focus on themselves. Really, why the hell are you discussing single moms being bad for society? There are some bad single moms, just as there are bad single dads, and also married moms and dads. There are just flat out some bad parents in the world, no one can say that it is just single moms. How many moms are in the world that are single? Tons and the majority of single moms show more love to their children and are more determined to be good moms. They normally take on mother and father role and a lot of times their children are their main focus. People need to focus on themselves, generally the people looking down and shunning others should look in the mirror and do it to themselves.

I am a single mother of two children...by choice. I adopted them when they were both young. They are good kids, behave well when in public and do well in school. I have a master's degree and am currently out of work due to being laid off. Why don't we support single women (not necessarily financially) by making it easier to spend time with our children without having to go into debt to do it.

Here is a question for you:

Why are most single parents, single parents?

Because they chose to have unprotected sex with an unreliable person.

We need to hold everybody responsible for their choices. A single mom is not that way because some awful, horrible man took advantage of her. She is a single mom because she didn't listen when he said he didn't want kids, or because she didn't take her birth control reliably, or because she couldn't bear to JUST NOT SLEEP WITH someone who wasn't going to stick it out with her, or because her ex was soooo hot and she just wanted to do him, or because she didn't evaluate whether or not he was the kind of man who is capable of maintaining a lifelong, married partnership.

Both people have fault here, folks.

I think the author of this article misinterpreted the results of the survey. If surveyors were asked "Which family set-up is the most problematic?" Single Dads, Single Moms, Two-parent households ~ well, of course the answer is single moms. In general (not always but generally), moms tend to be softer, nicer, and let their kids get away with more - statistics have shown that children that come from single-mom households tend (not necessarily but TEND) to not excel or become delinquent. This is not anybody's opinion - these are FACTS. So, of course, opinion is going to fall in line with these facts.

Don't be so quick to get upset and just look at yourself and change the standards in single-motherhood. It's just going to make you miserable to go around hating 70% of Americans. :-/