Are You Raising Kids Who Can't Play?

News flash: GIRLS ROUGH HOUSE! Girls also roughhouse! This is one of the things that's always driven me crazy as a parent. That it is assumed boys and girls are totally different. It is parents who try to enforce that. And there's data to show that, although I don't have a link right at the moment.

I prioritize play time for my kid. Why? Because it is fun for her and no other reason. One thing I've noticed is that she is more relaxed and happy if she plays. She needs play. But all this stuff about cognitive development is sort of depressing in a way. Like we can' t imagine that there is value for a child to have fun. It's good for kids to have fun. Let's try to get that message across also. Please?

I remember when some of my buddies and I were at the city pool and we got wrestling with each other in the water. We all had skimpy speedos on and my sister and her friends were there and got all turned on. My sister was shocked when one of her 19 year old friend got picked up by a 16 year old boy. She was happy and satisfied and so was I. Just let kids be kids. Do not overdo the "soccer mom" stuff. Let them have fun and grow up the way they see fit for what works for them.

The creativity of kid's playing can contribute a lot to their success. Let them be theirselves. If I had a son I would want him to be himself. Not what I would push him into. Let him play football; wrestle; swim, play baseball.....whatever his likes and dislikes are because he will always be my boy and I would love him like crazy.

Childrens' play is crucial to development! I confess I'm disturbed by the lack of unstructured play in the lives of school age children. Today's children seem either over-supervised, with tightly managed schedules; or completely unsupervised, with no structure in their lives.

My parents were exceptionally wise in their parenting skills. They firmly believed in a reasonable balance between school, study, organized activities and simple free play time. When my brothers and I were growing up, After-School Rule Number One in our house was: NO school work between school and dinner time. My parents believed our young brains needed a break from lessons: we were encouraged to play after school - unstructured play, preferably physical play outdoors when possible. If outdoor play wasn't practical due to environment or weather, they ensured we had lots of games, art and craft supplies and books: our playmates were always welcome at the house: and NO TV until after dinner!! We never had structured afterschool time - no outside classes, lessons, structured playdates: the only exception to this was school-related activities, like sports or band practice, etc- and those school activities were chosen by our own free will. Our parents NEVER pushed us into participating in any activities 'for our own good'. Because we were encouraged to invent our own play – all of us cultivated a highly-developed ability to entertain ourselves without need for external diversion. And neither of my parents spent hours every day chauffeuring their four kids all over town!

Come dinner time (which was early during school-time), we each had small rotating, age-appropriate chores: set the table, help with cooking, clean up after, wash the dishes, take out the trash. Dinner time was family time: we discussed our day and shared in each others' small triumphs and disappointments. After dinner, we did our homework: by then we were rested, well-fed, mentally alert from our break: and at least one parent was normally present to help us with our homework. (As we grew older, we all learned the value of school study halls: and tried to get as much homework done as possible before we left school.) When our homework was done and checked over by a parent, then, and ONLY THEN, we were allowed to watch TV until bedtime. We each were allowed approximately 1 hour of TV nightly (No More!)- and each got to chose our favorite program to watch. Age-appropriate bedtimes were strictly enforced. My parents believed children needed lots of sleep to recharge for the next day.

Weekends were a bit freer. Saturday morning was traditionally weekly chore time. Cleaning house, doing laundry, mowing grass - the weekly upkeep- was shared by all of us - parents and kids. Working together, we usually managed to be done well before lunch time. Each of us received a weekly allowance based upon our age and assigned chores: we were free to spend or save our allowance however we wished - but it was the only money given to us: if we wanted more, we could take on extra little jobs (like washing the car) for extra pay, or hire out to approved neighbors, mowing lawns or babysitting. Using the allowance method, my parents taught us from an early age how to manage our money and budget for those cherished items we would save up to buy. They NEVER just handed us money to buy whatever we wanted, nor would we have dreamed of begging or whining for anything during a shopping trip! Presents were for special occasions: birthdays, Christmas, etc. We did NOT get gifts or treats every time we went to the store! Because we had to save up for special toys, we appreciated them much more than gifts just handed to us.

Once our Saturday morning chores were done, we were free to do as we pleased the rest of the day, whether structured or unstructured play. Weekends were when we were allowed to play community sports, take lessons in music, art, crafts, attend Boy and Girl Scout meetings, whatever interested us. We didn't have much money, but our parents always managed to find the money to allow us to pursue any reasonable interest that appealed to us. In summer, when school was out, sometimes our parents would enroll us in community sponsored activities offered by the local Park Service, like swimming or arts and crafts. Most of our Saturday time was free play time. Sometimes we played with neighborhood playmates, or had sleepovers. Sometimes our only nearby playmates were each other. Because my brothers and I spent so much time playing together, we developed close relationships not always found among siblings. Sunday mornings we went to church, and Sunday afternoons we either played, or did something together as a family. Sunday night, we returned to 'school night' schedule: homework, one hour of TV (in my house it was always the Disney program), and bedtime.

My family always did a lot of things together: particularly short weekend trips and activities: we picnicked, camped, visited local attractions, museums, historical sites, zoos, etc. . .my parents had a talent for finding family activities that didn't cost too much. (We never went to Disneyland, theme parks, or expensive resorts - but I can't recall ever feeling deprived in any way.) Sometimes my parents merely sat down and played WITH us. They played board games with us, read to us, or joined in our pretend play, as if it was perfectly normal for grown adults to pretend to be soldiers or dragons or guests at a little girl's imaginary tea party. The best childhood memories I have involve family weekends spent with my parents.

I think it is sad that schools no longer have recess – a crucial break for young children to run off excess steam and to socialize. I think it is sad that some parents schedule every waking moment of their child’s life, placing unnecessary stress on them and effectively suffocating the child’s imagination. I suspect that children today are losing the ability to play – because their parents have forgotten how to play themselves.

I have every intention of kicking our kids outside when we have them and they are old enough to play with minimal adult supervision... We don't have kids yet, but while we were buying a house play areas for future kids were definitely a consideration when it came to yard space.

The hard thing about our neighborhood and many others is that all the other kids are so overscheduled with organized activities that there's never any kids at the neighborhood park for my daughter to play with. When I was a kid, all you had to do was go outside and you could find an instant playmate. Not anymore.

Sad!

This is one of the many reason I home school my kids. Recess....YES PLEASE, and since I home school I have the freedom to decide what is best for my kids, not have the school board forcing their agenda. My 5 y/o daughter takes ballet, and one of the mom's asked me the other day, "have you put N___ in soccer yet?" As if I am neglecting my parental duties by not putting her in organized sports from the moment she can walk. She and another mom gab endlessly about how their girls just stand there in the field during soccer....TAKE A HINT! My mother-in-law asked the other day if we were going to put in her the summer t-ball program. Well...no, actually. She's shown no interest in participating in sports, so why would I have signed her up for them? When she was interested in doing dance she asked about it, non stop for several months. So it seems like she's entirely capable of letting me know if she has an interest in a particular activity. Furthermore, shuttling my kids from sports activity to sports activity isn't my idea of quality time, and I don't think its the best use of their time either. Kids and only kids for so long, let them run and play and climb trees and scrape their knee and USE their imaginations. It's amazing the things my kids come up with when they are playing on their own, or with each other. Although scheduling your kids to death is a good primer for public school, where every moment is scheduled and think about anything other than what one is told to think about is called "day dreaming" and get the kid labeled and medicated.....but I digress. Kids need to use their brains independent of adult interference/guidance etc.

It is sad; kids lead such structured lives. When I was a boy my firneds and I used to jump freight trains, find tree branches that looked like guns and play Army; and just go and wrestle around and have fun seeing who the toughest boy was. Or we would would to the city pool and show off our bods for the girls diving and swimming. It was a better world than what kids have now. We had another game we did called "joust" where we would get on ponies and ride at each other with our shirts wrapped around sticks or broom handles and try to knock each other off our ponies. Those were some of the happiest most contented times of my life. Just being a boy free to use his imagination to have fun. Now it seems like kids are way regimented....like the Hitler Youth or the kids in Stalinist Russia forced to do things they likely did not want to do. Let kids be kids. I remember one time mys sister pulled the wheels off all of my toy trucks. I snuck around and pulled the head off her dolls and changed the boy dolls to girls and vice versa. And then dressed them in each others' clothes. She had a fit.It was fun. Kids used to have lotsa fun just being kids and exploring with their imaginations. Wish we still let them do that rather than collar them and make them do things we, rather than they, want.

16 year old -
you're not a kid anymore.

I,ve been saying that for years. After taking care of grandchildren and doing child care also I found that the children had to be taught to play in the sand while my own who were outside all the time Summer and Winter played freely and creatively. It was hard to get the modern-TV- kids I call them, to be creative and want to do things without being instructed.

Agreed that there is not enough play time...what happened to playing jacks outside on the side walk? Or kickball or kick the can or tether-ball? Jump-rope? Hopscotch? Girls softball? Great memories of playing outside in our tree-house at grandmother's house that my sister and I built together.(we were tomboys)Playing in the creek behind grandma's house, playing in the huge pile of leaves after raking them all up. Swimming off the dock in the Chesapeake Bay in the summer months to cool off, but watch out for the jellyfish... kids need to use their imagination to explore their hopes & dreams to be well rounded in all aspects of life.

I credit my mom who watched them when they were little and a Catholic school that stressed the importance of recess (outside unless raining or below 20 degrees F) for my children's creativity. AT Grandma's they did not have many toys but did have a big backyard with sticks and rocks and leaves. They had marvelous adventures looking for pirate treasure or unicorns. One time they actually found abandoned kittens living under a rock. I think this play time had much to do with their above average IQ's.

Maybe it was because I was a shy kid or I didn't have many kids in my area that were a similar age, but I enjoyed some of the structured time like soccer, dance, or theater. It gave me a chance to try something new and it let me meet other people my age. Of course, I only did one activity at a time, and I still had lots of time to just play.

Even in high school when most of my friends were doing a hundred activities to pad their resumes and fill their time, I was just doing 1-2 activities and was very happy with everything. I'm sure there is a balance to be struck