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    Confession: I Don't Know How to Play with My Kids

    By Redbook | Parenting – Mon, Jan 30, 2012 3:28 PM EST

    By Charlotte Hilton Andersen, REDBOOK

    mom playing with childmom playing with child


    "Mom! Play with me!" is probably one of the most frequently heard refrains in parenthood. Which is why I'm more than a little ashamed to say that even after four children, I still have no idea how to do that. Usually I look at toys as something that I buy to distract my children so I can go do other things. Like pick up all the other toys they left around the house. But there's always a little flush of guilt when one of my kids begs me to play with them and I say, "Not now, I'm busy." I mean they're only young for such a short time, right? (No, that's not a rhetorical question. I've been in the "toddler" stage for 10 years now. Please somebody tell me this ends eventually.)

    So today, when my bored-out-of-his-mind 5-year-old started the incessant whining for something to do, I decided that I would do just this-I would play with him. Not just play around him (read: pick up his room while he makes more messes). Not just play next to him (read: post cute pics of him from my cellphone to Facebook while he builds a train track). But actually sit down and play with him. It didn't go well.

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    "Okay, how do we play this?" I chirped, plopping down amidst a bizarre assortment of toys. My son looked back at me, baffled. Sweeping his arms over the pile of plastic Christmas ornaments (the bad guys), 5 mechanical fish from a board game (the sharks), plastic animals from his sister's Princess collection (the army), a carpet of Legos (the obligatory choking hazard) and a bunch of Cars figures that talk (the good guys), he explained, "You just play mom! And don't break any of my stuff."

    Board games, Play-Doh and crafts I can handle, but how do I play with all this disparate stuff? I tried making a Lego diving board for the fish to jump off, but apparently that was too literal and not any fun because nothing was blown up. Then I tried making a Death Star out of the star-shaped Christmas ornaments and not only was he not amused, I was bummed out that no one was around to get my clever joke. I briefly considered grabbing my phone and posting it to Facebook where other adults would, literally, "Like" me.

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    "Mom!" he admonished again. "Don't you know how to play?!" Apparently not. Even worse, I was seriously bored. I laid down on his Pillow Pet and told him that I was secretly consulting with it about a plan of attack. Which he thought was cool until he realized my ESP was just napping.

    It was a bust. He was disappointed. I was disheartened. Why is playing with a child not as easy as, well, child's play?

    Anyone else have a hard time really playing with their kids? Any advice for me?


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    Permissions:     Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

     

    4 comments

    • LOVE TO HE HEALED
      LOVE TO HE HEALED  •  Richardson, Texas  •  3 months ago
      Honestly, I get you MOM. I know how much you truly just want time to yourself once in a while, ecspecially when they have a million toys to entertain them; I can't even tell you when the last time it was that I could care for me without feeling the guilt from not doing whatever it was that my kids wanted from me all the time. Plenty of people like the one below will try and tell you, "It's easy, just do it!" But, fact is, it's not always that easy. So, give yourself a break and just try a little at a time and eventually in small doses it should come to you. GOD BLESS YOU!!!!!
    • Bass Man
      Bass Man  •  3 months ago
      It's called imagination (with a heavy dose of patience mixed in). Many adults loose the ability to use their imaginations at some point in their teens to early adulthood. Remove the thoughts of "I should be cleaning this up, or I should be making dinner" and try to immerse yourself in the make believe world. Try to imagine that it really does exist and play by the "rules" of fun set up by your childs imagination, no matter how ridiculous or nonsensical. Enjoy the fact that your children still WANT to play with you. Soon enough they won't want to have anything to do with you. I play Princess with my 3 1/2 year old daughter, we get married, we dance, we play with dolls (of which she undresses them, and I dress them....constantly), we have tea parties. Do I always play with her when she wants me to, no, but I make an effort to play something with her everyday.
    • Joy in Seattle
      Joy in Seattle  •  3 months ago
      Really? I've been picking up kids toys and playing with them since well before I had kids of my own. I go visit friends with kids and gleefully start playing with their toys. I love to play.
    • Julia
      Julia  •  3 months ago
      Use your imagination. Go outside the box. Let loose. And, most importantly, let go of reality.
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