A Dad's Rules for Dating His Daughter
A few years ago, I came across a funny article that laid down rules from the perspective of a father to the prospective boyfriend of a daughter. I've tried to modernize the rules a bit and make them more appropriate.
I'm very tempted to have this set of rules available when my daughters start dating. Unless, of course, I lock them all away in a tower. That evil witch who put Rapunzel high away from the world and prevented her from coming down was actually pretty smart. But until I build a 5-story high stone tower, I need to have a set of rules that all young men wanting to date my daughter must follow.
1. No honking
You WILL get out of your car, walk to the front door, ring the doorbell and wait patiently for my princess to be ready. If you honk, you won't be picking anything up.
2. No touching
You WILL admire my daughter from afar, and only from the neck up. You may not touch her in front of me. If you forget this simple rule, I will remove the body part that touches her, and if your eyes linger below the neckline, I will remove them as well.
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3. No "pants on the ground"
General Larry Platt put this so articulately on American Idol. "Pants on the Ground, looking like a fool with your pants on the ground". You are totally welcome to come to our house with your baggy pants hanging down and underwear showing, but understand that I will go and get my nail gun and re-fasten them to your waist.
4. Use the barrier method
Recent news has said that sex without the "barrier method" can potentially kill you. To clarify this regarding my daughter and sex - I'm the barrier and I WILL kill you.
5. No small talk
While people say that it is important for there to be conversation between me and the person dating my daughter, I only require one thing to be talked about and that is when you will have my daughter back after the date. Please understand, there is only one acceptable answer - "Early!".
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6. Date until she's finished
Even though you might be the most popular guy out there, the only way that you can date other girls is if it is ok with my daughter. You will continue dating her until she is finished with you. And remember: If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.
7. Wait patiently
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not act impatient. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car or mow my lawn?
- By Michael Sheehan
For 3 more rules for dating this dad's daughter, visit Babble!
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