Dealing With Judgmental Mommies

Sometimes I think we can all be that mom. We are all just so proud of our kids but none of us really care about what is going on with anyone else’s. I have found that less is more. One funny story about what your/my kid did is more then enough. Even when another mom tells there experience that does not mean that they need to hear mine no matter how funny it is. Laugh, support, and know that everyone needs to have there moment in the sun. (no matter how good it feels to be standing in it)

I'm a big fan of over the top exaggeration and blatant sarcasm.

“Ooooh, your mommy CUT your bagel for you? Aren't you a LUCKY BOY!”

"Well...Mommy has to. The servants have the day off. I even had to dress myself this morning. It was downright arduous."

Seriously, people say these things because they have nothing of any actual worth to say. They don't last very long in my circle of friends. I tend to surround myself with people who are much more interesting and engaging, and not to mention those who aren't spiteful shrews .

I am not a mom, yet I wanted to share that those same "JM's" are just as nippy with childless women. Like they have accomplished something so much more than you and are better, much better human beings. I have run into "sweet stroller pushers" that turn every smallest conversation into a brag about motherhood being "THE best" and I'm soooo lower in the social rank by remaining childless by choice. They use that tone of voice that just goes right through you, tone that underlines their imagined superiority - to other moms about how much further along they are in childrearing than you; to childless - how much further along they are period.
They make everyone cringe, don't they.

I have silenced a couple JMs by cheerfully replying "Yeah, this is working really well for us!" I think it's the confidence that shuts them up.

Jackie, normally I'd agree with you. It's just so hard when these judgemental moms are people you need to see all of the time, sometimes they are even within your own family. In that case, as is the case with me (it's my sister-in-law), spending time with her is unavoidable and she is the type to hold a major grudge so if I was open and honest with her it would start WWIII and life would be pretty miserable at every family function.
I have sort of used Manic Motherhood's approach though, just a terse "thanks" and turning away. It's not avoidance, it's not pseudo-politeness it is just basically a moving on technique. She can't say anything to me because there is nothing to expand upon.

I'm with Jackie. We can't solve the problem if we are part of it. Personally, I have tried everything with judgmental moms, from manipulation to explanation to my new and successful technique. That consists of smiling and saying, "Oh, thanks." And turning away.

The thing is, once you get to the point where you realize that you are a decent mother, that no mother is perfect, that all kids aren't the same you will realize one thing: it doesn't matter what they say. They don't know you. Only you know what's best for you and your family.

How about a little honesty? God I hate how all of these articles encourage manipulations and backbiting one-upmanship over honest confrontation. Try: "Wow. How about not insulting other people's children and parenting methods if you expect to actually have friends for yourself and your kid?" Why do women treat each other this way? Guys are direct when there's a problem. We should be, too. All this pseudo-polite crap is degrading. Shine, write some articles on open, direct and honest communication, how about it. Stop this cycle of witchy behavior between women.

I think we all have encountered moms that go overboard on things. I also think we take such offence because we feel like they may be doing it better than we are. Such as, when my daughter was little we had a terrible time of potty training her. When other moms would brag I felt like maybe I was just a big screw up. At the pre school parties, I would secretly resent the moms that got to volunteer all the time and got to stay home and do all the little things that I as a mom that has to work, could not do, or I felt like I was missing out. It was not until later, much later that I figured out that all moms feel that way about each other from time to time. I never allowed it to bother me to the point I would compare children. My daughter is my daughter and she is who she is no matter what any one else does. But it did bother me because I was not sure about my own parenting. I felt offended because I was not 100% confident in myself to do it right. Once I chilled out a little and stopped worrying about what so and so was doing that I wasnt, things went better. I did the best I could and that was good enough. On the times I did run into the mom that just KNOWS her way is the best and only way, I just tried to be polite and excuse myself as soon as I could. I never argue with these people as nothing you say will change the way they think. The self importance is irritating, but I just turn and pat myself on the back because I KNOW that unless someone askes me my opinion on what they are doing, I dont give it. Even then I say, well in my situation this or that worked out the best, but our kids are different, just file it away for back up. I never understood why moms want to beat each other, what are you winning? Our kids are the most important thing, why not be friends and try to help with out tearing down someone. Life is too short and parenting too hard to be that way with each other.

Most moms have encountered women like this. It annoys me, yes. However, I realize they have esteem issues and use their kids to move that esteem issue up a notch or two. Pretty sad. Really, who cares when your kid starting walking or talking or was potty trained? Boring !!! Also, it's no indication that he/she will be the next leader of the free world. I try to change the subject. If that fails, I remove myself from the conversation.