7 Ways to Surrender to Your Femininity

10 Ways to Surrender to Your FemininityThis article by Suzanne Venker on FoxNews had me throwing up in my mouth a little bit today. It's not that she wasn't on the mark. It was that she was on it just barely enough to seem to make complete sense, yet overhanging reality enough to topple her whole premise over.

Her theory, in a nutshell, is that women have emasculated men and stripped themselves of their quintessential "femininity" to the point of (GASP) making themselves into the proverbial UN-marriageable daughters - the spinsters of tomorrow.

First of all, hasn't she seen Pinterest? I assure you that Suzy Homemaker (not to be confused with Suzanne Venker) is alive and well on the interwebs and has the time to get your whites whiter, your Sunday roast cheaper and more succulent and your ironing done.

Ms Venker uses a lot of broad concepts, including pretty vague (but vaguely 1950′s American sounding) ideas of what it means to be masculine and feminine, implying that we are all somehow enslaved by these notions of our base (or better?) nature. Humanity is thus simplified. Man strong. Man work. Man choose woman. Woman make food. Woman pretty. Woman accept man.

Related: 10 things we can thank feminists for ... and 10 that still need work

The second part of her theory: Women are all angry. Feminists were wrong. Not nuanced wrong. Just plain old wrong. The only path back to happiness (because we women were all so happy prior to feminism, right?) is to embrace our femininity.

I hate to resort to this sort of one worded all caps reaction, but REALLY?

But hey, in the hopes of being happy, I'm willing to take a stab at this embracing my femininity stuff. I already have a mate (damn, am I lucky or what?!) but according to Suzanne, I could really improve our relationship if I girl up. Just to make sure I get it right, I'm using Wikipedia's definition of feminity:

Here are my Top 10 ideas…

1. Wear High Heels
High Heels are very feminine, unless you lived in France in the 16th century at which point they were totally masculine. The only issue is that I cannot walk in High Heels. But then again I cannot run away from my cave man either. Or to the aid of my children. What to do…

Related: 5 things ALL women want to hear

2. Breast feed in public
The word feminine come from "she who suckles". The very essence of femininity!

3. Wear a veil
I almost forgot with the whole breastfeeding thing… we are supposed to be sexy AND modest. Cover up already

4. Look more like Barbie
Conforming to modern notions of femininity include being more like the popular feminine ideal. So to go all the way, you might have to opt for a little plastic surgery like this girl...

Related: 13 tips for snagging a man (circa 1938)

5. Be a receptionist
The list of careers that are perceived as feminine is a short one. Receptionist is cleared for girly take off.

6. Act more like a cross dressing gay man
I need to get out more to study up on how to be feminine. Apparently these dudes do it better.

7. Bind my feet (and stretch my neck, pluck my brows)
All signs of female beauty

- By Ciaran Blumenfeld

For 3 more ways to surrender to your femininity, visit Babble!

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Ciaran Blumenfeld is a producer, designer, publisher and "crazy busy" mom of 4 kids whose ages range from pre-school to high school.

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