Glued to the Premiere of the Bachelorette...Hanging On to Love on TV

I am a closet romantic. I watch every season of the Bachelor, cursing out the contestants for the false pretense they don't see right in front of them. Of course my husband would argue the whole thing is a false pretense.

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And in TV-land, I am a total sucker for old flames whose romances seem doomed to fail. I kept pulling for Ross and Rachel, even as they cycled through relationships with partners who were probably better for both of them. And years after everyone else on ER had moved on, I was still holding out hope for George Clooney and Julianna Margulies. I must not have been alone, because in the end we find out they've moved to Seattle and are raising a family.

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In real life, the only reunions with old flames I've experienced have been friendly and a little awkward, so I'm pretty sure I learned this storyline from television. One of the first sitcoms I watched religiously, Who's the Boss?, kept me waiting to see Tony, the live-in Italian housekeeper, and Angela, an executive and Tony's boss, profess their love for each other.

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My own first love was in high school, mixed with friendship and fear, but in the end unrequited feelings. My first husband with whom I had a seven-year relationship, from best friends to lovers, turned out to be incredibly hurtful. And once my daughter was born, I knew there was no going back. Definitely not a romantic old flame story. Then, I met my current husband after my 30th birthday, and I swear I'd never seen him before...

Still, I was easily convinced, after years of friendship and romantic tension, that Sam and Diane on Cheers were meant for each other. Yes, they were polar opposites, but their verbal sparring was so charged, it just had to be love. In fifth grade, I kicked my crush so hard at recess that he wore shin guards to school. But he never forgave the abuse, and Sam and Diane broke up in the end, realizing they weren't a good match.

Two years ago, my friend sent me to a psychic for my birthday. According to my chart, I'm women-identified, loyal to the extreme, and family and home-oriented. I thought this could describe most moms. The psychic also said change was difficult for me, and I have a hard time giving up my vision of people and relationships even when I am wrong. Bingo.

On Nashville, Rayna and Deacon, her former band leader, had an on-and-off romance 20 years ago that was troubled by his alcoholism. Now that they've been reunited and it's revealed that he fathered one of her kids, Deacon hit the bottle again after 13 years of sobriety. You might say they are not a healthy match. But I really want them to make it, so I dig my fingernails into my husband's forearm at pivotal moments. You know, to help.

Last night, watching the season premiere of the Bachelorette to get my dose of TV romance, I wondered how the show would change if they included old flames in the lineup. Former contestant Melissa Rycroft returned home after getting engaged and dumped on the show to marry the on-again-off-again ex (whose commitment issues she complained about on air). The only other ex's we've seen have been jilted, left behind for a mansion, a jet and a chance at love/fame.

Maybe old flame romances play out better in fiction. Maybe the new Bachelorette, Des, is better off choosing from a clean slate of guys (although some of them seemed pretty self-obsessed and fame hungry). I'll reserve my pining for old flames to full-season, openly scripted shows. Come on, Rayna and Deacon, I'm pulling for you to rehab during the off-season.

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