I Just Had A Baby, Please Leave Me Alone

Call me what you will but I had really mixed feelings about hosting waves of well-wishers for extended stays once my baby was born. On one hand, you need help, and lots of it. It's highly likely in fact, in your darkest moments of uncertainty before your baby is born that you begin booking up your guest bed in preparation because it seems like a comforting idea. Someone who could step in, help care of the baby with the same diligence and methodology as yourself to allow you a little extra time to heal and rest would be ideal. And if you have someone in your life that truly fits the bill, grab on and never let go. But even if you've found your consummate Mary Poppins, I will advise you to proceed with caution.

Once your baby is born, you will quickly realize that what you really need is a little peace and time to get your bearings worked out so you don't look like a total idiot in front of the know-it-all, mother-earth types. Nothing is worse than someone ripping your own baby out of your arms and telling you to "watch" as they show you how it is "really done". Every new mother I know has had the pleasure of that experience to some degree. What makes the issue so complicated is that I don't actually think you get a vote as to who gets to help and who doesn't because everyone wants to (at least in the beginning) and frankly, you are vastly outnumbered. After all, your family is your family and your friends are people you actually chose to be part of your life in the first place. They are all excited and want to part of this fresh new life and that is a beautiful thing. What's more, it gets a little muddy when you are dealing with people whose personal habits can be potentially detrimental to your precious newborn. These people include, but are not limited to: people who smoke, people who don't wash their hands, people getting over a cold, inexperienced people or people who treat your baby like a hearty 12 month old. No matter how you say it, or how politely you say it, asking someone to change their personal habits, even momentarily, while in the presence of your newborn make you look like a paranoid first-timer even if you have other children.

It seems to me that so many people, particularly women, have forgotten how trying those first couple of weeks really are. The physical pain of recovery, nursing struggles, emotional mood swings and exhaustion are really just a recipe for disaster for some unsuspecting soul who has arrived with their overnight bag and the best of intentions. Part of introducing this new life into your family requires some amount of personal struggle on behalf of the mother and father. It is through that hardship that the real lessons are learned. The roles become defined, mom and dad get to really know their baby, what works for them and how they fit into your new family. Unless specifically invited, someone swooping in during that very private time insisting to "help" (read: take over) reeks of insensitivity as their purpose seems more self-fulfilling than selfless in nature. And while I can usually mind my manners and bite my tongue, when pushed to the physical and emotional brinks of childbirth, hell hath no fury like my uninhibited tongue.

In my previous experience, I found the best visitors are those who make themselves available at any time just for the asking. They pop over, bring some dinner, maybe clean up a little and then leave. They don't expect a visitor's welcome, because after all, you're already hosting the world's smallest (most adorable) and most demanding visitor.

Want more Mommyfriend *blush*, click here!