Just Because You Breastfed Doesn't Make You a Better Mother Than Me


I've come across tons of posts about breastfeeding lately in which breastfeeding mothers defend themselves against non-breastfeeding ones. Normally, this hot-headedness about the topic interests me for, like, four seconds. But given its popularity lately - I mean, Sweet Mother, it's everywhere - I felt compelled to add my own defensive two cents.

I didn't breastfeed my babies. I'm not ashamed of it. I don't even feel guilty about it. And I don't think I'm a bad mother for it, either.

I listened to the reasons why I should breastfeed. Each and every time someone insisted I do it, I listened. Each. And. Every. Time. But I didn't cry, "They bullied me, they did!" I told my husband and my mother, in the privacy of my own hospital room and home, that I didn't want to hear one more thing about breastfeeding or one more thing about how my choice wasn't a valid one. And then I got over it.

Truth is, I respect breastfeeding moms, their commitment, their resolve. I'd even go so far as to say I envy them for it. Good for them for doing things the natural way. It's what they believe is best for their babies and themselves, and they should be respected for it.

As should moms who don't breastfeed.

I simply can't handle it, this breastfeeding. Pregnancy is the worst thing imaginable to me. Some women claim to have never felt better. I've never felt worse. In fact, I'm guessing on my deathbed, I'll feel better than I did pregnant. If there's a Hell, it'll be one where I'm eternally pregnant. That or stuck in the wrong toll booth line.

It's no wonder, then, after that baby comes ripping out of my body, I need to put myself on the mend, to focus on my well-being, to get back to a healthier me so I can be a healthier mommy.

So what I don't understand is why there is this need to attack non-breastfeeding mothers, or maybe if not attack, at the very least insinuate that we're all somehow angry at moms who do breastfeed or consciously trying to thwart our children's growth and development. Honestly, I'm not trying to question medical research, but I'd put my bottle fed three-year-old up against a breastfed one any day. If he doesn't surpass many in intelligence and health, he is at least on par with them. And it's not just my kid I'd compare, either. I'd say my husband and I - both rich with our own shortcomings, certainly - aren't doing half bad in the intelligence and health departments, and neither of us was breastfed.

There are a number of reasons why women choose to breastfeed and choose not to breastfeed, and each woman should be respected for her choice. Period.

At the end of the day, it's not the choice to breastfeed that makes a woman a better mom than me. There are a hundred other things at which she's superior to my broke ass, I'm sure. But just because she breastfed? I don't think so.

Writer's Note: This post originally appeared on my blog, Catharsis, in August 2011 and again on The Mode Life in response to a post on The Stir. It has been edited and condensed for this post. All articles can be seen in their original form at the links above.