Loving the Husband More Than the Kids is Key to Good Life

I remember having a "mind" conversation with myself saying how "my kids were going to be my top priority when I get married." God interuppted my conversation and said, No, your husband is first, so that you both can be the very best for your children. In other words, when we take care of ourselves and our partner, we can be better parents to our children. Your child wants to see a Godly marriage, so that they can learn the skills to one day have a successful marriage and family life. Trust me, no matter how much your little one holds on to your legs now, they will grow up, and want to have a life of their own. The truth is there is a part of our lives that neither mommy, daddy, or kids can fulfill, it's only meant to be and can only be met through your spouse.

that is why we have so many stepfathers or stepmothers abusing and neglecting kids that are not theirs or biological kids that are neglected and alone. Mothers and fathers doing their thing while kids spend their young life with toys, games and babysitters. The parents should love everyone equaly!

I wish my parents kept this in mind. What I would have given to have two parents who loved each other first, and showed it! My parents divorced when I was 12. They dated, but never remarried, as they claimed "for us (my brother and I)" because they didn't want us to have to "suffer" a stepmother or stepfather. Well, I grew up never knowing what a healthy relationship was supposed to be like, and my brother grew up to be rather spoiled (gets whatever he wants when he asks). My mom is still bitter and my dad is now getting remarried, and he could not be happier. And I could not be happier for him.

My boyfriend, who is a single father, grew up with parents who loved each other, until the day his father passed away. Even though he puts our relationship first, he never lets his son forget that he loves him and will always be there for him.

And if/when I get married, I intend to give my children the family that I never had.

My favorite childhood memory is seeing my dad come home from work and lay a big fat kiss on my mother. Not a peck on the cheek, but a real kiss. It made me feel so secure, knowing how much my parents loved each other.

Once, as a teenager, I made the mistake of sassing my mother. My father read me the riot act. He said " Your'e my son and I love you, but your Mother is both my wfe and my girlfriend and NOBODY comes before her. Don't ever forget that " I never did.
They were together for over 40 years when she passed away. I 'm 65 now and that is one of my fondest memories. I was lucky to be raised by parents that knew the value of love and respect.

I so agree the spouse comes first, you love your children uncondionalyand will always do so . but children grow up, move out, get married and have children of thier own.
Your spouse grows older, closer and dearer. your spouse is the one who stays with you through your good and bad times and they are there till the end. They are the ones that help you out of that old comfy chair because your dinner is ready or it is time to go to bed, they go
with you to your doctors, weddings, parites, vacations, and funerals.
They dont grow up and move away thye gow closer and love you till thye day you leave and then they wait till the day they are with you again.

This article is the most correct article I have read in years. I have tried to tell women this before but no one believes me. How DARE I suggest the kids don't come first. It's not only because of the things the writer mentions, but it's also because in the effort to try and give our kids healthy self esteem, we are over doing it. They will not be prepared for this cold, hard world. A little less coddling and a little more real life is much better for them.

As a small child, I asked my mother about who she and Daddy loved the most. Her wise reply was that she and my father loved each other first, and that together they loved me: in other words Daddy and mother put each other first and united, they then put me first. What a sense of security and love and self-worth that gave me! I still feel it!

When my brother was 22, he got into a disagreement with our mother. He called our mother a #$%$ Our father (my mother and father were married 30 years at the time) punched him ONE time. Then said "NO MAN, son or not, talks to MY WIFE that way." My brother apologized and never spoke to her that way again. I believe that is the only time my father ever hit any of us kids except for spankings. My parents have now celebrated over 40 years!

Hey, thanks guys for all the comments Ive got, here and everywhere ,I guess I had that walking around in me for a long time... I appreciate having had the opportunity to say my piece. But some of yall I talked to seem to think I was bashing women, or that I hate women alltogeather.
I ask "how can this BE?"
Love for me has a sound...it is a woman's voice. Love has a feel. It is the grip of your weapon in your hand when you stand between her , and whatever is ...out there.
Not because she can't fight for herself, but because as long as you draw breath, she won't have to...To serve a woman in this way is the highest honor.
Love is also when she ,for no reason,reaches out and gently touches you...
Men can build a house, but a woman makes it a home.... For me women have always been magic. Yea , men can perform amazing feats of bravery and skill, but it takes a woman to give him a reason to do them....and without a woman to appreciate what you have done, absolutely nothing matters.
Men are often lazy, thinking they will make up for a lot of small transgressions with one large act of bravery, and then die, never fulfilling the promise.Men should help with her everyday burdens as well, the small things that mean so much to her...and sharing chores is "together" time .Well, I cannot tell others how to do these things right, for I have failed.
For those men who are still involved with life, good luck.Treasure what you have.
For those of us who have failed, there is the long ride, and that dark night at the end...

We should have family centered children and not children centered families.

I remember being at a wedding when I was in high school. My friend’s parents were finally getting around to getting married. I remember the pastor saying that “the bond of husband and wife is the most important relationship you will ever enter into”. I thought that was so wrong because I couldn’t understand how anyone (let alone a pastor) would say that seemingly neglecting the relationship of a parent and a child. Wouldn’t that surely be the most important relationship you could enter into? I was 16 then. I am 27 now and it wasn’t until just a couple of years ago that I understood why that is.
I do not like the wording of “putting your spouse first” because in all honesty, if there is a really serious issue (like life or death) I would like to think both parents would similarly put the child’s needs first. However, I do get the overall idea that sometimes parents (especially moms) have a tendency to be at their child’s whims even at the expense of their own relationship with their partner. This is not good. It means having a set bedtime for your kids so that you and your spouse can make sure you have “couples time”. It means not always having the take the kids on every vacation you go on. It means, if you need to take a weekend trip, take your spouse along and leave the kids with a family member. It means do not let your children play you against one another, always be united and always take up for your spouse. If you disagree, do not disagree in front of your kids, speak to them after. What is it that you pledge when you are married? Forsaking all others, right? There is a reason for that. Yes you both love your children. I am not saying that if you have a romantic weekend planned and your child is dying you still go. Or even that if your child wins an award that you forego the award ceremony because you want to go away with your spouse. It’s about balance of time, but you never let your child think that their every whim comes before your partner’s. It will only drive a wedge between you.
A poster said she would be fine if her hubby came home and kissed went to their daughter first. That is fine if that’s for her, but these patterns may not change. When your daughter is no longer at home and our husband doesn’t come home and kiss you at all because he’s so used to kissing someone else first and now that person is no longer there, I hope you can say the same thing. No, I want m husband to kiss me first. The same way he will be the first person I address when I arrive home. And it’s very true that when parents are happily in love, their children turn out just fine. I don’t mean the all-consuming love where they care about no one but themselves, but making time for one another that is not infringed upon is the most important thing you can do to keep your family unit healthy.

I Love this article! Sasha nailed it on the head with the last two paragraphs!!! My love for the kids is nurturing, instinctive, and never ending, but my love for my soul-mate is totally different. It is passionate, sexual, friendly, sustaining, and vital to my emotional and mental well-being, but it is also fragile in that if we do not work to keep that flame burning, it will eventually burn out and leave me feeling cold, alone, and lost in the dark. So yes, raising happy, healthy, well-balanced children is done with a lot of love, I want that special love for my mate to remain strong throughout the relationship so that once the kids grow up and leave, we'll still share that special, vital love for each other when it's just the two of us once more.

I was told this once 22 years ago. Think of a husband and wife as the hub of a wheel and and the kids as the spokes. children thrive when they see a strong relationship between their parents. The parents being the center of the family. If you put your kids first you will gain the resentment of the other spouse.

This is the reason our marriage has lasted 25 years and through all 3 sons growing up and leaving the nest! It doesnt mean you love your kids less, just in the proper order! My husband is the Love of my life!

Thank you for this article. I am wholly proud that my dad and mom put each other first before my brother and I - it was always the natural hierarchy- we knew our place. i think we grew up to respect elders, each other, and witnessed what a healthy loving, romantic relationship should look like. Thanks, Mom and Dad.

When our first child was born, someone gave me some fantastic advice that I am still thankful for today: remember who you had first.

What's wrong with balance? We have become so sad as a society that nowadays, it's a triumph if there's a dad in the picture at all! Kids need attention but so do spouses. Guys, if you work, give your wife an hour break when you get home. Girls, dress up and give your man some attention (wink, wink) 1/2 hour a week, that would suffice for most of us. We make things so much more difficult than they should be.

Easing 'each others' burden in the relationship does show the kids how the 1st love succeeds. Kids can only benefit from seeing this example. I am all in with the wife for 30 years. We had problems with mixed up priorities and separate schedules for years. It was a struggle. Our misunderstanding cat and dog, mars and venus fights caused us to fail many times by sending mixed messages to our children... I guess I was too busy and caught up in career and her old-school ways of not working and taking care of the home-front were more important for her at the time... but we were wrong. Screw all the psychology, Oprah shows, and the propaganda we been misunderstanding about kids priorities ... I like this article, should have been said and taken up as a talk show CAUSE to help develop family values for my last 30 years. Been a bumpy road, but still on it !

If the parents can work well together, everything will fall into the place for the kids. Putting too much emphasis on the kids makes them not so independent, spoiled, not able to deal with the world without mommy, and worst case scenario it ruins marriages and causes the kids to go grow up in a 1 parent household or shuffling through multiple step parents. Kids in the past were treated like offspring who are supposed to follow the rules, be independent so they make their own way when they get older, they weren't treated like prized jewels who should have the world handed to them the way kids are today. I think this is the main root of the entitled youth.