Neutrality Does Not Equal Equality

It's inevitable at this point in our history. Right and left, I can't get away from discussions about homosexuality, reproductive rights, the "mommy wars", the glass ceiling, "modern motherhood", or raising gender-neutral children in gender-neutral schools.

It's one of the most basic facts of life, men and women are different. Women don't have penises, men don't have vaginas. My three year old is already aware of the evidently groundbreaking information. Somewhere along the way of women trying to pave the way for themselves, that little bit of information seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle, and I think it would be fabulous if we rediscovered it.

I'm going to admit right now, I'm ok with certain gender roles. My daughter has shoulder-length locks, while we keep my son's just longer than peach fuzz (just like his daddy). I would not ever want to see my husband strutting around the house in "mantyhose". I am a stay-at-home mom. And I have to say, I see nothing wrong with any of these statements. There comes a point where trying to pretend that gender and sexuality simply doesn't exist becomes not only absolutely ridiculous, but utterly impossible.

This is all not to say that the sexes should not be EQUAL. But being equal is different than being the SAME. I firmly believe that a man and a woman should have equal pay for equal work. (Lookin' at you, Mrs. Romney.) If my daughter wants to be an astronaut and my son wants to be a nurse, I will love and support them all the same- and their gender should not be a roadblock on the path of their dreams.

As I mentioned, I am a stay-at-home mom. My husband works outside the home to support our family financially. So many people would argue that this arrangement is meant to keep me "in my place"- as though the home that I so lovingly craft is a prison outside my own volition. But there's nothing to suggest that this division of labor between my husband is anything less than a fair and equitable relationship. The services that I provide for our family are as necessary as the wages he brings home- and would be infinitely more expensive if someone else were to be doing them for us.

The true measure of equality is not found in pretending that men and women are exactly the same; it lies in the freedom of choice and opportunity. Whether a woman chooses to remain home or join the workforce doesn't matter- what matters is that she was able to make the choice herself, free from coercion or restriction by an outside party. At five and three years old, I have a distinct amount of sway over my children's choice of hairstyle, but as they grow and become independent enough to make decisions for themselves, it will be that freedom to choose and express themselves however they see fit that will define them as people- not the degree to which they stay or stray from "traditional" gender stereotypes.