Parenting Guru: A Wish List for My Sons

Boston Irish



Dreams, to me, are weightless. Impossible to touch, they seem unfocused and unattainable. So when I imagine my sons' futures, I think in terms of aspirations. Aspirations are within our grasp. When we aspire to something, we can see progress as we bring our goals to life. So, what aspirations do I have for my teenage boys? Here's hoping they:

1) are curious and independent thinkers. It's very tempting to follow the crowd and not challenge others' perspectives. But there's so much to be gained by educating yourself to be able to debate your opponents, to not just accept what you hear. When I saw my son step up in a debate class and speak with conviction about his position on certain topics, I was amazed at how confident he seemed. I felt so proud of his spirit and feistiness.

2) give back to their community. Our family talks a lot about how blessed we've been in so many ways. (In other ways, like health, not so much…) I hope they take their unique skills and share them with others. They've begun to do so by volunteering with homeless families and have expressed their joy at seeing the impact one person can have.

3) remember to stop and appreciate the ordinary. Most of us measure time by marking big events - family vacations, birthdays and anniversaries. I hope my boys savor the more ordinary moments as well, such as chocolate chip pancakes when they're snowed in, reading a fabulous book (like Harry Potter!) aloud together, or laughing at silly Youtube videos.

4) will take risks in life. While I want them to be safe, I don't want them to play it safe. If they don't get out of their comfort zone, they won't know what their true capabilities are. Whether it's risking ridicule by standing up for an unpopular peer or daring to ask a girl on a date, I hope they take risks that pay off.

5) see the world as a place where women and men are equally capable. My husband and I have strived to be role models in that regard, through sharing the trials and tribulations of being a working parent team. We emphasize that gender should not be a basis for discrimination. And while men and women are fantastically different, we emphasize that neither is the "better" sex.

There are signs the boys are listening . Recently, when an international news story broke, my son asked (about the president of a foreign nation): "Do you think he or she will be able to change people's minds about the war?" No assuming that the President must be a male. We've come a long way, baby, since when I was a kid!

What do you aspire to for your children, I wonder? And what are you doing to help them along?

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Boston Irish is actually Maureen O'Brien, a Shine Parenting Guru, mom of twins, and the founder of www.destinationparenting.com. Her musings can also be found on Galtime.com. She is passionate about all things parenting.