Parenting Guru - Avoiding Teeth Nightmares & Embracing Tooth Fairies

When invited to write about our parenting experiences around the tooth fairy scene, my first thought was "I have nothing to say yet. Maya's teeth haven't started wiggling."

But thinking of Maya's impending tooth fairy experiences reminded me that as a child, I was never fond of this particular ritual. It also reminded me of a recurring nightmare that began in my childhood, dealing with my teeth.

In this dream, various scenes played out, but the dream would always end with my teeth all becoming loose, or sometimes crumbling. I begin to spit them out like watermelon seeds, and end up with a snaggle-toothed set of bloody stumps where my smile used to be.

Why would a kid dream such gruesome thoughts? And why did that dream repeat so many times into my young adult years? I got some answers one day in a college course that included a unit on dream analysis. The textbook offered a list of common upsetting dreams: dreams of falling, being chased, being nude in public, not being able to speak, etc. And then I spotted it - fear of losing one's teeth! What? My secret nightmare was considered common? I felt such a sense of relief that I wasn't nuts. But what did it mean?

I've since read several theories. Some say lost teeth dreams symbolize anxiety or fear about decisions to be made, or new paths taken. Other relate tooth loss dreams to a lack of self-esteem and others, to a fear of aging or death. As a kid, I did attend a lot of funerals at a tender age, so maybe that explains my recurring dream. But I recall at least four other unpleasant teeth experiences from my childhood that didn't likely help matters:

1) Having two grandparents who popped out dentures and a Daddy who popped out his partial as a recurring parlor gag. When little kids run shrieking at this sight, it's not funny!

2) Not seeing a dentist until age 5. By delaying for so long, my otherwise well-intentioned parents courted my mouthful of cavities verdict. I had enough drilling and filling appointments from the start to generate plenty of dental anxiety.

3) Having a nightmare first dentist! My Italian Mom chose the local Italian dentist because he was a paisan. I don't recall if he was a pediatric dentist or not, but I do remember his testy expression, his bad breath, his grunted directions and, worst of all, the arm restraints he used to ensure kids didn't wiggle. Oh yeah, this kid was being primed for teeth anxiety, big time.

4) Growing up in the "tie a string around the loose tooth and a door/then slam" generation. Luckily, it only happened once for me, but that was enough!

I started keeping my wiggling teeth a secret as best I could, and once I accidentally solved a loose tooth problem by eating an apple, I was thrilled. The tooth came out painlessly and I swallowed it without realizing at first. You would think any kid would hate to lose the necessary item for the tooth fairy visit, but I wasn't upset at all. While I was a card-carrying fairy lover as a young girl, the idea of a tooth fairy held no charm for me. I found the whole concept creepy -- a fairy showing up in the dark of night, snooping under my pillow in search of my bloody stump tooth? And a mere shiny quarter is my prize for this trauma? Not interested.

These days I find myself looking at Maya and her mouth full of lovely little childhood teeth, all primed to make their swan song soon enough. How will I make tooth loss and the tooth fairy a more positive, or at least neutral, experience for her?

I think it helps that we've been doing a good job on the tooth front. From early on, we've been talking up the importance of our teeth and teaching Maya good oral hygiene. Equally important, we brought Maya into her first dental exam early and with the world's most amazing, kid-savvy dentist and practice. Maya cried when we left the first time because she didn't want to go home! Who could blame her? I had arm restraints. She has a kid's waiting area with toys and bean bag chairs, cool theme-painted exam rooms, take-home "dental goodie bags" and a ceiling mounted flat screen television playing cartoons. Talk about happy distractions!

For now, though, we can only anticipate the first loose tooth and how we'll respond. I've got four guiding strategies in mind:

Strategy 1: No strings tied to loose teeth and slamming doors.

Strategy 2: Try the "eat an apple" approach and research other minimal stress options.

Strategy 3: Find fun kid's books on the losing teeth theme to normalize and comfort her.

Strategy 4: Liberate the Tooth Fairy.

Here's my thought on that fourth strategy: who says the tooth or the tooth fairy has to go under the kid's pillow? Why not put the dearly departed tooth in one of those little tooth fairy containers and leave it for the fairy to find on the dresser? Or her tea time table? (That would certainly make the tooth/gift swap task easier on us, too.)

Better yet, I'll just let Maya pick the spot where she wants the fairy's tooth/gift exchange to happen. Heck, we may even make up some rituals -- perhaps leaving the fairy a wee-sized portion of cookies and milk? Whatever makes the whole business more fun. Hopefully, she'll be smiling as she heads off to a dream land -- one without tooth fairy phobias or crumbly-teeth nightmares.