Parenting Guru: I wish I had learned Spanish

Copyright Grant Cochrane via freedigitalphotos.net
Copyright Grant Cochrane via freedigitalphotos.net

I'm having a little trouble with my teenager. You see, I was apparently elected Spanish teacher for the summer. Sadly, I do not speak Spanish, which makes teaching it difficult. Well, I know some swear words, but I'm kind of thinking that's not what my teen needs to learn.


Also? I'm pretty sure he already knows them.


Unfortunately, Junior needs a head start on his Spanish classes. He has a learning challenge that makes it difficult for him to hear certain sounds, so foreign languages are especially hard to master.


Hence the summer program of "teaching Junior to speak Spanish."


Now the truth is, my husband grew up bilingual. So you'd think he'd be a natural at teaching Junior Spanish, right? Yeah, no. For one thing, he has this thing called a job that keeps him away from home during the day and most times well into evening (summer is his busy season). For another thing, he is about the worst teacher on the planet. The man has many virtues, sadly, patience isn't among them.


So I, a person who took 3 years of Spanish in high school and still can't ask where the bathroom is, was elected to assist Junior. Obviously, we are desperate. I also bought a computer program. As you can see, I am desperate, but not stupid.


Now you'd think that I could just buy the program and let Junior rip through it, right? Um, no. You see he has to practice, so he practices on me. And I don't have a clue what he's saying. For all I know, he's asking to use the bathroom while I smile, nod and hand him a glass of water.


So I did what any reasonable person would do. I started using the computer program myself in the morning when Junior was sleeping. Turns out that when you are, er, of a somewhat advanced age, learning a foreign language is difficult. We take tests you see, and Junior gets in the 90s. I get…not in the 90s. Not in the 80s. Or the 70s. Once I got a 60. But mainly I'm in the 50s.


I can't tell you how much this stinks.


Look, I'm not a person who thinks about the past and wishes to go back in time to change things. I live in the present and I always have. But if I could go back in time, I'm telling you, I would have paid a lot more attention in Spanish class because I know that my son is going to be challenged even more once school starts in the Fall.


On the other hand, he practices now with his dad. And his father is learning patience while Junior learns Spanish. So it's kind of a win-win at this point. Also? I can ask where the bathroom is now. Baby steps. We're making baby steps.


What about you?

Is there anything you wish you had learned years ago so you could teach it to your children? Um, I mean, ¿Hay algo que deseo que había aprendido años atrás, por lo que podría enseñar a sus hijos? *


*Yeah, I totally used Google Translate there. Shhhh. Don't tell Junior.




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Laurie Sontag is a parenting guru who is navigating the wild waters of her son's teenage years by hiding in her closet waiting for puberty to be over. You can read more of her work at her blog, Manic Motherhood, follow her on Twitter or on Facebook.