Parenting Guru: Is Thanksgiving about Happy Things?

Every Thursday at my house is "Maya and Mommy day," the day when my daughter and I are excused from the rigors of preschool and work, respectively. We make the most of it, playing, baking, exploring, and talking -- a lot. These Thursday conversations often get me thinking. Today was no exception.

After putting on a princess fashion show, she sat at the dining table, playing with Thanksgiving decor I recently put out for seasonal color. A harvest themed angel entertained her the longest. At one point she placed a happy face ring at the angel's feet.

"Look what I did, Mommy."

"Interesting - you gave her a happy face ring?" I asked.

"Yes. Is that right Mommy? Is Thanksgiving about happy things?"

"Not for turkeys," I thought, but spared her those details just yet. I considered offering a basic three-year old version of the first Thanksgiving story. But I kept getting stuck on the wording of her question. Not "what is Thanksgiving?" but "is Thanksgiving about happy things?

The question got me thinking about the holiday just around the corner. At the family Thanksgiving table this year, Maya will likely hear the grown-ups sharing two distinct stories of happiness and thanks.

First and foremost, our family will be saying thanks that our mother is there with us. Earlier this year, a fiery gas main explosion went off in my 77-year old mother's neighborhood, killing eight people and destroying over 30 homes. I don't think any of us are going to forget the hour or so when we didn't know if we had lost her. The relief we each felt upon seeing her again was immeasurable. In the midst of this painful community tragedy, my mother and her home were spared. For this, we feel profound thanks and, yes, happiness.

I can also picture a second focus this Thanksgiving -- on the complete opposite end of the "what are we thankful for" spectrum. Our whole family is over-the-moon that at long last, our San Francisco Giants won the World Series championship. My husband and I were tickled that Maya happily watched so many televised games with us, learning how to shout the home team's names and boo the opposing team like a pro. Over turkey and pumpkin pie, I have no doubt the whole family will enjoy the collective happy buzz we still feel. It has been a joyous community celebration to experience.

These are two very different stories, I know. But that's just it - it's all part of life, the dramatic moments intersecting with the mundane, the tragedies with the joys and laughter. Sometimes we feel it all, all at once. Just last week, my mother and I sat at her home, happily watching the televised Giants celebration parade and cheering once more for the team. Then one of the Giants coaches being interviewed said this win meant so much, "especially in light of the San Bruno fire" - and my mom and I blinked back tears once again.

I want to somehow explain to Maya that Thanksgiving, like life, can be about all of these feelings. But I don't try. She is 3. Instead, I say:

"Just listen to the word, Maya. Thanks--giving. It's a day we pay special attention to the things we feel thankful for."

"Like me?" she asks, not missing a beat.

"Like you. Absolutely, like you," I say. This Thanksgiving, I will be looking at my mother and my daughter with particular thanks.