Parenting Guru: Places claimed by feelings
American artist, author and conservationist Allan Gussow once observed that "the catalyst that converts any physical location - any environment if you will - into a place is the process of experiencing deeply. A place is a piece of the whole environment that has been claimed by feelings."
In thinking about five places that I want my daughter to see in her lifetime, my thoughts ran - perhaps selfishly, but I like to think sentimentally - towards places my feelings have claimed over the years.
The feelings these places invoke for me are not one-note; rather, they include joy, sadness, curiosity, delight, wonder, pride, hope and deep reflection. It is this complexity of feelings that makes them interesting as well. I hope Maya will agree.
1) North Beach/San Francisco
Our family has a number of connections to the West Coast's "Little Italy" neighborhood. My monolingual Italian great-grandmother called this place home after leaving Italy, baptizing and raising my grandmother here. I did my dissertation (called, notably, "A Sense of Place") about the history and evolving identity of North Beach, spending time with some of the areas' oldest residents. Maya will hear a lot of Italian family pride details when she is old enough to absorb them. We will tour the neighborhood's many offerings together, from corner focaccia shops and coffee houses to bocce courts and beat period bookstores. She will also get to sit on the bench in the main square where Mommy and Daddy had their first date and first kiss (only to be rudely soaked by the sprinkler system; she'll like that part of the story).
2) Volcano National Park, Hawaii
Local parks, farms and beaches are wonderful places for kids to experience nature, but now and then it's great to introduce them to the truly spectacular nature shows on earth. Volcano National Park on Hawaii's big island offers visitors right-there views of live lava flows into the sea, steaming vents rising from vast calderas, and something that looks like a moonscape on earth. It's a unique destination that wows kids and adults alike. Maddeningly, my husband and I have twice been thwarted in past attempts to hike to the spot where the lava flows into the sea in a fiery, hissing, colorful display. No matter, we can look forward to seeing this incredible site as a family.
3) A week at the creek
My parents could ill afford flights, hotels, or package-family vacation destinations. Maybe that mattered to them, but as kids, we clamored happily for repeat summer vacations at a humble creek side cabin called the "Wanna-B-Lazy." The cabin -- lent to us for free several years running by a relative's neighbor -- was our dream vacation spot, with the surrounding forest, mountains, and creek as our playground. Inner tubing, water fights, fishing, rock collecting, panning for gold - we had a blast. Throw in the family barbecues and picnics on the deck surrounded by whispering pines, late nights reading Mad magazine, card games with our parents and counting stars and you had some happy, happy kids.
To this day, when I smell the scent of summer sun warming eucalyptus and pine needles, I'm transported back to that wonderful place. Oh yeah, Maya is definitely going to experience a week at that creek!
4) Washington DC
I feel in my bones that every child needs to spend lots of thoughtful time visiting our nation's capitol: listening, learning, asking critical questions, forming individual opinions, reflecting, respecting and yes, feeling pride.
We'll make our first trip in a few years, when Maya is old enough to really start appreciating the lessons to be learned. I want her to experience the humbling feeling of standing at the Lincoln memorial, looking towards the Washington Monument, and to imagine being present for Dr. King's dream speech. I want her to run her hands across the names carved into the Vietnam memorial, and to lay flowers at the Korean War memorial (where my Father served). When she is old enough, I want her to understand the sobering lessons about the worst of human nature at the Holocaust Museum...but to take pride and joy in the best of human nature at the National Museums of art, science and culture. And yes, I want Maya to see the ruby slippers on display. She can't miss that.
5)The house where Mommy grew up
Less than an hour away is my childhood home where I lived the first 19 years of my life. In the past 30 years I've probably done a dozen "drive-by peeks." Each time I sit in the idling car for no more than a minute, feeling wistful. Some memories this house and place evoke are wonderful, some are bad, and some are intensely sad.
The house looks different of course, with new owner changes I irrationally resent. Yet each time I see details that are achingly familiar: the Japanese maple tree my father wisely planted by the front porch, offering seasonal beauty out our front window year round. The original 60s two-toned driveway he designed, now in disrepair but having a certain retro-cool factor. The thriving camellia bush that produced beautiful pink blooms year after year outside the bedroom I shared with my sister. The peek into the backyard at the roof of "the monkey house" cabana we played in for years. Each time I drive by, I wonder if subsequent owners have paved over the patch of cement in the backyard where my father used a stick to write "5-D ranch" in honor of our first names.
Maya so often goes to bed saying "tell me a story about when you were a girl." She hangs on the details, just as I did when asking my Mother about her childhood. Some day I will take Maya to my childhood house, and we'll go ring that doorbell together, hoping the family that lives there now appreciates the way places can pull at our hearts.
What place claimed by your feelings would you most want your child to see?
