Parenting Guru: Setting goals for your children and yourself

Like many stay-at-home mothers, I tend to put the needs of everyone else in the house before my own. I don't eat or sleep well, I don't remember the last time I exercised, I haven't seen my doctor in three years, and taking time for myself is usually not an option. This level of self-neglect might be forgivable if we only had our three boys, but we also have a daughter. I know that she looks to me as an example of what a woman is supposed to be and by not taking care of myself I am sending her the wrong message.

When Maggie grows up, I would like for her to always know that she is worth the effort. I don't want her to define herself as "just" a mom or "just" a anything. I want her to know that her worth is not defined by her job title or her role in her family. Whether she has children or not, works outside the home or not, I want her to make taking care of herself a priority. However, I can't expect her to know that her needs are important if she sees me ignoring my own needs year after year. Every time I put aside my own basic needs and desires, Maggie is taking notes and the notes read, "Mom doesn't matter as much as we do.".

I don't know what Maggie's dreams for her life are now or what they will become in the future, but I do know what I want for her. I want Maggie to lead happy and fulfilling life, what ever that may be for her. I want her to find her passion and make her own happiness a priority. In order for that to happen for Maggie, it has to happen for me first.

I stopped making New Year's resolutions a long time ago. However, in January I often reflect on what has worked well for us and what hasn't in the past year. Though I don't put much stock in resolutions, I think it is important to set attainable, measurable goals and the New Year is an ideal time to do so. This year, one of my goals is to make time for myself. I have a responsibility to my family and myself to stay active, healthy and happy. I must show my daughter that I value myself so that she will value herself. The ironic part; I'm not even taking care of myself for me. It is just one more thing I am doing for the children. The good news is that because it is for them, I will probably actually do it. You should too.




Jeri Shaffer is a Shine Parenting Guru. In lieu of eating a healthy breakfast, Jeri blogs at www.mothering4.com.