Parenting Guru: Single mom? You're doing a great job.

Being a single mama is tough. There are moments of single parenting that are very lonely. Moments I wish someone were in the foxhole with me. Someone to share the good and the bad, and to say the things I really need to hear as a mother sometimes.

Since I don't have anyone to say those things, I'm going to say them to myself. Write a letter to myself as a single, working mom. A letter that addresses the times I really wanted someone to lean on and the times I really wanted someone with whom to celebrate.

Dear Clare,

Remember that time, when Sarah was in the fifth grade, and she called you at work, heartbroken from finding out that her good friends were saying mean things about her? And you wanted to weep because there is no pain like your child's? But you didn't? You didn't cry. Instead, you tended to her like only you can and you walked her through it. Gently, and perfectly. And when that day was over, that was when you needed to be tended to, but that's just not your life. But you did great. You gave your daughter what she needed. Wonderful, masterful job. The right words came at the right time, and you made it better.

How about the first time you really saw her dance, with her team? And she just left you absolutely breathless? And you wanted so much to turn and look at someone who might understand what an incredible rush that was? You turned and looked, but there was no one there to meet your gaze. Well, you were so right. She was incredible. Stunning. Amazing. And yeah, that's your kid up there! It's incredible!

When she absolutely fell to pieces because her dad did not show up on time after she had been at camp for a month, you were there. You know how much she hurt. You had never seen her that disappointed and hurt. And you saw her light up when her dad did show up later. You saw her grief fall away like it had never existed. Her dad will never know how much he hurt her that day. He didn't see her that way. He doesn't know that she said "What could be important enough to miss this, to be late for this?"

You know. And you did your best to protect her, and to protect him. Because you know what is important and what is right. And what is important is preserving her relationship with her dad. Dude, you are a rock star for that one. You went above and beyond the call of duty that day. It tore you apart but again, you did the right thing. For everyone.

There are so many times you wish you went home to someone who loves her as much you do, who can help you carry the load of parenting; the joy and the heartbreak. It's tough to not have someone to really share that with. That's when it's lonely. But you are strong, and you just do it. Every day, every time. There isn't someone beside you to walk with you through this parenting journey, and to tend to you. But the great thing is, you don't really need that. Sure, you'd like to have it, but you are doing a darn good job of taking care of Sarah and taking care of you, and living a very happy and fulfilling life, just the way you are.

Clare, you've got it together. Fantastic job. Keep it up, you are raising a very special girl. And even though you always try to brush aside the parenting compliments you receive? You know deep down, that yes, a lot of the reason she is such a great kid is because she has a great mom.

Love,
Me


Clare is a Shine Parenting Guru. A single, working mom to a tween daughter in Austin TX, Clare spends a lot of her time managing her various alter egos when not focusing on the one that's a mother. You can read more from her at "Life on the C Train"