Parenting Guru: Swim Class Diaries
Friday, July 1. Dear Diary: I finally chose a local swim school for Maya to start lessons. I wish we had started earlier, but she's still young, not quite four. She has loved playing in pools with us on vacations so far. Hopefully this will be a great adventure for her!
Tuesday, July 5. Dear Diary: Maya is so excited to start swimming Thursday. She loved inheriting her cousin's swim school bathing suit. I showed Maya the school's online video of a water babies' class; she loved it!
Wednesday, July 6. Dear Diary: Oh dear. Maya asked about me swimming with her tomorrow. I had to explain that I would be in a parent's sitting area, watching. She started crying - that's not what she saw in the video! She saw mommies swimming with the babies. Shoot. What a tactical error on my part.
Thursday, July 7. Dear Diary: Getting suited up for first class and Maya is sounding a little nervous. I try to keep it fun: Grandma and Auntie are coming to watch you too! We're going to lunch to celebrate your first class! Swimming pools are so much fun! She seems calmer.
Update: Introductions with teacher Joann happened quickly. Maya went in the pool without fuss but looked back at me with an expression that ripped my heart out. I sat with mom and sis on the sidelines; they assured me swim classes were critical. Maya looked like she was doing OK during class. She was proud to get high fives from us afterward. Phew. I think she likes swim class after all!
Wednesday, July 13. Dear Diary: I don't know what happened. Out of the blue, she's begging me to quit swim class tomorrow. I tried different approaches: listening to her fears and acknowledging them, deflecting, reverse psychology. The only comment that calmed her was: "would you teach me what you learn tomorrow so I can swim better when we go our vacation?" She was intrigued with that idea, but still nervous and sniffling.
Thursday, July 14. Dear Diary: Swim class #2 in an hour. Maya is crying, doesn't want to go. I asked her again what she doesn't like. (I hear a silent voice say "it's the water, stupid.") Yet once again, she seems OK once class starts. Perhaps this will be the pattern we have to get through each week?
Tuesday, July 19. Dear Diary. Uh-oh. The nervous "is it a swim class day?" and "do I have to go?" queries are starting early this week, with lots more angst behind them. Not a good sign.
Wednesday, July 20. Dear Diary: Agitation about tomorrow's swim class #3 is high. She doesn't like water up her nose. She doesn't like "doing the monkey thing where we hold onto the side of the pool!" She hates that I'm not in the pool with her. She says: "I want to quit. Let's take some other class." I don't want her to feel quitting is the answer in these situations, especially around critical life skills life swimming. But I don't want to plant the seeds of lifelong trauma around water, either. What to do?
I posted a question online tonight, asking friends and family for advice. No simple consensus there. Answers reflect the "if it is not fun for her, don't push it" camp and the "you just have to hold firm through their tears" camp. My hubby is firmly in the latter camp; I'm waffling. Mommy is the one dealing with the drama as it unfolds. It's harder.
Thursday, July 21. Dear Diary: Swim class #3 today. She's completely melting down now. I feel like I'm going to cave. Would it be so bad to wait a bit longer? I believe kids learn things at their own pace. Water fears aren't uncommon, even for adults. But the water safety argument feels paramount here. I find help today from a strange source. In the car, Maya invents a new friend, "scared kitty," assuring kitty it's OK to be scared, and that she'll help her learn swimming in the pool. Scared kitty is our new friend.
Updates: We went to class. I whispered to the teacher about Maya's fears. She seemed to get it, but then I heard her say to Maya: "don't be afraid, silly girl!" What? Is this the right tactic? I was silent and cranky during class, considering my post-class commentary options. Thankfully, I saw Maya smile and even laugh a bit during class. Coming out of the pool, she told me "class was wonderful." She even played "swim school" with her toys in the tub tonight. OK, score one point for teacher. Maybe she knows best.
Bad news: an hour later at bedtime, she asked again "can I still quit swim school? I don't like it. I don't want to go back." Tears start up all over again.
Is she playing me? Perhaps a bit, yet I don't think her fears are an act. Even for adults, anticipating a fearful situation is often worse than the situation itself. That seems to be what is happening here. For now, we just keep re-enforcing the same consistent messages with Maya: "It's OK to be nervous. We're proud of you for trying your best. Swimming is important for everyone to learn. Class will probably be a little more fun each week as you learn." I sure hope that in this case, Mommy and Daddy know best.
