Should establishments be allowed to ban all kids?
Most of us have been there before. You're sitting down to enjoy a nice meal on your night out and somebody's kid is hollering at the top of their lungs about something or other. Or, on the flip side, it's your own child causing the disturbance. What's a parent to do? What is a bystander to do? What can the establishment do? Should businesses be allowed to ban children altogether or is there a better solution?
Recently I shared the article " Message to parents getting louder: No screaming babies allowed!" by Dory Devlin on facebook. It created quite the discussion among my friends and colleagues, leading me to interview several conversation participants and others who wished to say a word or two. If you haven't read the piece by Dory Devlin, it's highly recommended before reading on. It discusses establishments and people all for banning kids, strollers, and more. Be sure to read the multitude of interesting comments as well.
As a former nanny, mom of four, and long-distance step-mom to three, this discussion got me thinking. My personal thoughts are that no group - be it kids, short people, people who don't like the color purple - or any other denomination - should be singled out and banned. However, any individual that is not following the rules or causing a disturbance should separate themselves - even if it's just for a few minutes to calm down. When it's a child, the parent should be given a chance to handle the situation. If that is clearly not happening, that's when the owner or staff of the establishment can step in and ask them to leave. Except in the case of a child (like one with disabilities) who may be put in harm's way by interrupting things, the parent should definitely remove the child from the situation.Children learn by experience and should be given the chance to learn appropriate behavior by being allowed in restaurants, on planes, in movies, and in many other establishments.
Did my friends and colleagues agree with me? Do you? Read on to find out what others think and leave your thoughts in the comment section below.
Bad parenting or bad kids?
Kathryn - Beauty Consultant & Writer in Nashville, TN
"What? Ban kids? That's just unAmerican. The PARENTS who can't control their kids should be banned. They will probably choose to take their kids with them."
Theresa - Experienced mother, grandmother, and former childcare provider:
"I feel the frustration of parents who deal with cranky kids. I think we all need to be more tolerant. I've been on flights with screaming children who eventually calm down. Chances are they were awoken long before they normally awoke, then had to rush to the airport, walk for about a mile, sit and wait for the flight to take off. Adults are frustrated. Children haven't developed coping skills yet. Adults are sometimes more impatient than children."
Ann - Editor & Expert Health Writer in Minnesota
"I'm against banning them, but they should be able tell them to leave if a kid is obviously being extremely disruptive and the parents aren't taking any steps to resolve the issues (ie; ignoring them when they're running around screaming and taking things that don't belong to them)."
What about disabilities?
Jan - mother of three in Indianapolis, IN:
"Banning screaming kids brings up issues of discrimination for parents of Aspergers (autism spectrum) or other autistic children. What about kids with Tourettes? Not all screaming kids are spoiled so why not have a room just for those who can't help being noisy or who need a safe space but whose parents want their children to have experience in the real world? This would help."
Who's really under control?
Cindy - Experienced mother and published author, living in Carterville, IL
"As a mom and a frequent diner without children, I gotta say that the idea of having a ban on children is generally speaking a crappy idea. To be fair, I would prefer not to see children under about 10 at R-rated movies after, say, 8 p.m., but I have been to movies where the under 10 crowd is under control and its the teenagers I wanted banned.
I guess to me, it all comes down to responsible parenting. Children get upset. It's the nature of being young. What matters to me is how the parents respond. A parent who ignores it or yells at her child, rather than trying to see what's wrong and correct the problem are far more irritating than the child. I'd much rather see a ban on bad parenting than on the children.
Last weekend, we went to an ice cream shop where a woman and her friend were having ice cream. One woman had her son, probably 9 or 10 years old, with her. Both the adults had ice cream. The child had none. He complained, loudly, about not getting any ice cream and was told to shut up and that he was losing his video game privileges. I wanted someone banned alright, but it wasn't the kid.
Granted, he might have been being disciplined, but I don't agree with discipline via eating treats in front of the child.
At the same spot, a younger boy was throwing a fit, crying for his mother and ignoring her every attempt to placate him. His father took him to the car to let him calm down. Bad parent versus good parent. We just need to encourage more of the latter."
How much should we tolerate?
Kathleen - Mother of 5, Houston Connoisseur:
"I'm not intolerant of kids, even noisy kids with their parents. I am completely intolerant of parents who allow their kids to behave inappropriately in public - or anywhere for that matter.
I have very little tolerance of parents who are too lazy or don't care enough to teach their kids properly. It further annoys me when I have all 5 of my children(18, 11, 5, 2, 7mos) somewhere behaving appropriately and there are parents who are allowing their kids to run amok. I don't think you have to have kids to know when kids are behaving badly and to observe that the parents are doing nothing and find that annoying. Kids will misbehave sometimes. But if you let them get away with it or ignore it completely they will misbehave all the time.
I think a business can do what they wish as far as rules and if people don't like it, they don't have to go there. Like it or not they should have the ability to make decisions on their business. But, if a child was causing a disruption in MY establishment, I would ask them to leave much the same as I would if an adult were causing a disturbance. If I owned a restaurant I think I would ban all people who could not act appropriately while eating there - regardless of age - and there have been times the adults are worse than some kids."
Who's to blame?
Kathy - mom in the mental health field, featured mental health & parenting writer, former daycare owner, current tutor, substitute teacher, and student of education:
"I know I'm going to tick some people off here, but here it is. As far as the restaurant goes, it's theirs. They get to make the rules.
As far as kids throwing tantrums..that's a different subject. I'm a mom and I've worked with kids of all ...ages in some capacity all my life with a special devotion to "challenged children". I say across the borad that a child having a tantrum needs to be removed from a public place. For one, no matter what the situation is with the child, they need to learn what acceptable behavior is.
If the child is prone to tantrums and is too big to remove from the situation, then I blame the parent for putting them in that situation. Why? Because a child who is out of control in that manner and is impossible to physically handle, then it isn't even safe for them to be in that situation. They need to be removed because they need to learn appropriate behavior, being in a public place is only going to stimulate them-making the situation worse and yes, even to show respect for the surrounding people.
And yes, I've been in this situation. I simply take the child outside and we sit in the vehicle until they calm down. People would be amazed at what a simple solution that is and how easily it works-especially with autistic children who still need a little extra help with their social skills and are in great need of "narrowing their world down" when they get upset. Staying in a social situation at that point only makes things worse."
* Lyn Lomasi is a homeschool mom, expert parenting writer, former nanny, author, & Founder of Write W.A.V.E. Media, which includes sites like LifeSuccessfully.com.
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