Teaching internationally/interracially adopted children about their heritage

I have 3 adopted children from different parts of the world I have a daughter from Botswana in Southern Africa, a son from Russia, and another daughter from China. My husband and I have never denied them their cultural and have even given them the open opportunity to ask any and all questions, we have educated them all about their various heritages. However they are still our children, and just as our biological children participate in our family's traditions and eat the family meals,and are allowed to wear anything they want (within reason... well mostly within reason ) so do these three. We attempt to recognize where they are from and give them the opportunity to tap into it if they want however we never alienate them from our family. they are expected to come with us on family trips and when we as a family go to church or temple they are expected to come and learn. they are not given special treatment. they are our children same as the rest. This seems to be working out well for all. My husband is African American so all of our children our interracial which may help to bridge the gap since no one looks quite the same as either of their parents. But I am just letting you know how we have chosen to address the issue as a family.

AnnaW, I loved your comments - I agree with you very much. I have recently adopted an 8-year old girl from Ghana, and as you described, I am much more focused on her culture than she is at this point. She has been in the US about 2 weeks, and is immersing herself in all the new things about our culture. But, I want to keep Ghana alive in her, and I feel that Ghanaian culture is now part of our whole family's culture, too. I went to some lengths to obtain photos, information, and important cultural items when I was there. I especially focused on learning about wedding traditions (as many adopted children have a resurgence of interest in their heritage around the time of wedding or childbirth), holidays, everyday customs, and other special ceremonies. We came home with a special kente cloth, some Ghanaian music on CD and instruments, and lots of photos of her home village and the surrounding area. I'm also working very hard to convince her that we need to celebrate each person's uniqueness, not try to make everyone the same - i.e., her long-standing desire for long, straight hair - I want her to learn to accept her own beautiful self just as she is.

I am mom to two children adopted from Kazakhstan at ages 6 & 7. When I adopted (I'm single) I made a choice to connect my life with KZ and KZ culture forever, and we remain a multi-cultural family (though one of my kids is blonde & blue-eyed, and the other may or may not be mixed-race, and they both look enough like me to be my bio-kids).

I think that an adopted child's cultural heritage, if it is to be meaningful, should become a part of the entire family's life and not be limited to the adopted child. At this point, I speak more Russian than my kids, and I cook KZ and Russian foods on the regular dinner rotation. I collect music CDs of traditional and pop music from KZ, we have Russian cartoons on DVD. We also have a network of people in our town who are from KZ & the former Soviet Union, and we socialize with that group a few times a year. We are also regular Americans immersed in American food and culture. It's just a part of the rhythm of our lives, and I think that for the most part the kids' birth culture selves and American pre-teen selves are pretty well integrated. In some ways, the interest is much more mine than theirs right now, and I'm open about that.

If the birth culture is a family thing, then parents aren't "teaching" the adopted child about her/his heritage, the child learns it through seeing and doing. Children of multi-cultural families learn this way (think Irish grandparents & Italian grandparents), and adoptive families are multi-cultural families too..

my daughter's biological dad (not a part of her life) is almost 100% native american- blackfoot tribe. i am german and italian, mostly german. she is 6 and a half, i am trying to learn more about her heritage so i can teach her

My children are interracial and I feel that I am not doing enough to promote both backgrounds. Their father in no longer in the picture to help. Am I wrong or should I be tyring to get them more involved in their other culture?

My adopted son is from a different race than me. I am Caucasian and he is Hispanic. However in the community that I live in his race is the majority and mine is the minority, so I believe he should learn about his culture. I plan on finding a tutor to teach him Spanish (hopefully I can learn a bit also). In my town the Spanish culture is celebrated; therefore, I know a lot about the culture and will help him celebrate it along with mine. He is very loved in my extended family. All of the grandchildren are of different or mixed races. Most are Hispanic or Hispanic/Caucasian and one is part Korean. So in my family race is not an issue. My son will know that he is adopted and Hispanic but he is also now Irish too.

I am interracial, although not adopted. I don't feel that teaching an interracial or different race child about their country or some (as much as you can or understand) of their roots would harm the child. At the same time, teach the rest of the children in the home the same lessons so they are all involved. Then also look into your own geneology (whether you are Irish, Hawaiian etc). Teach what you learn about your history to all children in the home. Then everyone can take joy and pride in who they are, where they come from and how together, they make a strong, diverse, and beautiful family.

Families are like tapestries. They can be woven from many colors into many patterns, but remain united, and beautiful.

I don't have much first hand experience because I have never adopted. That being said, we have friends who adopted a child from China 4 years ago. While they are raising her as a typical American child, they do indulge her questions about how she looks different from them (she's an only child) and how she came to be their child. This couple does not force any Chinese culture onto the child, but they do what they can to indulge any interests in her "uniqueness" that she presents to them. They keep some "chinese" mementos from their trip to get her displayed in their home,and when the child asks about them they explain what they are and where they came from. They also kept her Chinese first name as part of her American name. Obviously at the age 4 the questions she asks aren't all that thought-provoking, but I think at this early stage giving honest answers to her questions regarding the physical differences in her appearance and her parents' is a good start. First and foremost they tell their daughter that she is just that, their child who they love, and everything else is just detals.
IF I had an adopted child and he/she looked like me, I think I'd still be open about the situation. If I chose to hide it then I would always feel like our relationship was based on dishonesty. Not to say that it's dishonest not to tell a child, I'm just saying that's how my own conscience would guide me.

WHILE IT IS COMMENDABLE THAT YOU WANT TO HELP THEM DEAL WITH THE PAST YOU SHOULD FOCUS ON THE HERE AND NOW MAKE THEM FEEL WARM COMFORTABLE AND LOVED FOR WHO AND WHAT THEY ARE AND WHERE THEY ARE NOW NAMELY YOUR CHILD IN YOUR FAMILY AS YOU ARE THEIR FAMILY NOW AND FOREVERMORE IF THEY ARE COMFORTABLE WITH THAT THE REST WILL TAKE CARE OF ITSELF ONE EXAMPLE THAT HELPS IS IF A CHILD IS BORN TO YOU YOU LOVE THEM BUT IF YOU ADOPT A CHILD YOU CAN TELL THEM OUT OF ALL THE KIDS I CHOSE YOU TO LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE SPECIAL TO ME I CHOSE YOU THAT MAKES IT MORE SPECIAL TRY THAT HOPE IT HELPS

This is a very interesting article. I actually linked to it on my own site, because you raised some questions that I have been struggling with for quite a while. I am the adoptive father of a little girl from China. Feel free to check out the link to my article at http://www.examiner.com/x-24181-Allentown-Adoptive-Families-Examiner. Thank you for making me think about things slightly differently.