The 10 Most Irritating, Least Helpful Parenting Tips Ever

Our landlady is obsessed with the fact that I don't make my daughter wear shoes. For the last 8 months (since she was born) my landlady tells me every time she sees us that she needs shoes. "She will never wear shoes if you don't train her now." Hello! she can't even walk and if she could all the doctors say it is better to learn bare foot and it has quite literally been over 90 degrees ALL summer!

Well, just to set the record straight about us elderly great aunts, we are not all elderly, in case you didn't know. Some of us are only in our 40's or 50's!
We may give some unwanted advice at times out of trying to be helpful, but if you tell us you don't want advice, many of us will stop trying and let you find things out for yourselves!
After all, what can a woman who has raised a few children to adulthood tell a new mother who has not had children before. According to your article, apparently,nothing! Of course I do agree when people try to push and force advice that can be annoying. There are polite ways to tell the well meaning relatives and friends.You could say something like," I appreciate that you would like to share advice with me, however, I would prefer not to receive anymore advice at this time". It would be a lot nicer than making sarcastic and berating comments about women of an older generation. It would also be nice if you give us credit for the brains we do have! Some may not be computer savvy, but could still teach you a thing or two about life. Hopefully these comments won't be resented and will get the respect they deserve.

I love when people see me with my baby and start giving advice, then after the spill ask if he's my first. Well no I actually have a 6 yr old and a 2 yr old as well! Then I get the OOHH you already know this stuff! I hate though that every single person want's to know how old the baby is (like infant isn't enough) then they are amazed if you say around this age and don't give them the exact day's of their age (like anyone has time to keep up with that!)

In response to cj, do you have kids? Because I have a toddler who is disciplined and she still throws tantrums in public sometimes. It doesn't mean she is spoiled it just means she is a strong willed toddler so before you judge that poor mom whose kid is throwing a fit you should think about how hard it is for their mom who is already feeling like crap about their kids tantrums!

How about just the looks people give you when your child is crying like you are the worst parent in. I'd world because you didn't buy them what view wanted gotta love that too!

Believe me, this is nothing compared to the license people seem to feel when you have a special needs child. It's amazing how many "experts" on autism there are out there. Trust me, if I could give my son a vitamin shot or put him on a special diet or just be more strict with him and magically "cure" him I would. Until then, I invite you to spend 24 hours watching a nonverbal child who never stops moving and has no conception of danger and then talk to me. You can start at 3 AM, which is when he regularly wakes up for 1-2 hours in the middle of the night! I'll be at the spa if you need me.
Lest it sound too much like I'm griping, let me be clear that my son is the joy of my life and absolutely amazing...it's the rest of the world that gets to me sometimes lol=)

I think I understand why doe eyes is wondering where these people come from - it's a matter of attitude. If unsolicited advice rubs you the wrong way, you're going to file that conversation in your memory under annoying or offensive and keep adding memories for everyone who gives you unwanted, unsolicited advice. However, if you're a really gregarious person, you'll realize that the unsolicited advice certainly isn't given with the intent to hurt your feelings or annoy you, but is probably passed on without much thought as advice that this person was given and now it's her turn to make a connection with another young mother. It also just might be the person's attempt at striking up a conversation. There are only a few things that really annoy me when people greet me and offer unsolicited comments - looking my gorgeous Service Dog in the eye as she innocently smiles and wags at you and telling her she's fat is a sure way to get me to tell you that you dress funny! Ha ha! Other than that, even if some advice has pricked at me when offered, I've often discovered that later I've been able to use at least part of the advice or somehow learned something from it - either about the person offering it or people in general, so I try not to reject what people are wanting to share with me. If, however, I really don't want the person to continue their conversation along the same subject matter that's bugging me, I try to gently interrupt with a question about another subject completely. If you know the person well, you know the things that they are most interested in and you can steer the conversation towards that subject. But then, there are a small number of people who just can't say anything right to you, I think we all have those in our lives - I just do my best to avoid them completely or to have someplace else that I need to be if they do corner me.

Now for my final thought and my unsolicited gray haired, granny advice (tee hee hee!) - I know why I get angry about the comments regarding Phoebe's weight - I feel guilty because it's not her fault that she needs to lose a few pounds, it's mine alone. I love and appreciate her and I work hard to keep her healthy, happy, well trained, but I let her down in this area and I find it very difficult to discipline myself strictly enough to deny her that extra treat or to make her go to sleep when I know she is really hungry, although I finally have stumbled upon a feeding routine that I truly do think is going to work for us in the weight loss area and I'm praying for progress! It's not uncommon for us to become angry over things that we are feeling guilty or sensitive about - are you feeling insecure because you ran out of the house without the baby's hat and it's weighing on your mind? The author of this article could, instead of getting frustrated by the homeschooling advocates and building up stress, simply tell them, "Oh, you are so right, I would love to do homeschooling, but no matter how we look at it, it does not work for our family & it's just frustrating for me to discuss it further, so could we just mark that as a subject that's off limits?" Now, there are some people who might still try to give you advice about how you could find a way to work it out, but if you stand firm and keep repeating that it's frustrating you to continue and the subject needs to be off limit, they'll have to get the idea soon enough. That way, the author is being honest and generous. Generous because she's telling the advice giver honestly that her advice is correct and that is a compliment to someone whose only intent, I'm pretty sure, was to offer help anyway.

Yes, I think unsolicited advice can be very annoying...that said, some "advice" is more just fact than actual advice, and often times, the less competent the parent, the less apt that parent is to even consider that they could use advice. Fact...you can allow your child to reign supreme in the privacy of your own home but...if you cannot control your spoiled rotten little monster, do not allow him/her to impose on everyone else around you or expect them to put up with him/her. Your little angel,who turns into a screaming, shrieking monster, when he/she doesn't get his/her way, maybe cute to you, but I guarantee that the people near to you (for example in the restaurant) do not think so. I am always amazed at how many people seem to have absolutely no control over even their toddlers...and you wonder why they are so out-of-control when they get older!!

My sweet sister-in-law threw my baby shower, and of course, smother-in-law had to take over the proceedings. She publicly asked for everyone there to write down a piece of advice for me since this is my first baby and I'll have no clue what I'm doing, then said some of her advice (all of which were things from this list!!!) I think a number of the women were sympathetic, because many cards said some version of, "You are the mother of this baby and you will know what to do. Trust your instincts and don't feel like you have to take everyone's advice." It was very empowering...especially since I KNOW I'll be getting constant unwanted advice for my entire life from my MIL.

Sounds like the author is a little cranky. Maybe she should get some more sleep. I suggest sleeping while the baby sleeps.

I don't think people are getting the point of this article. Now one is denying the need for advice when they become a new mother and it certainly does take a village. However, a village usually implies that the person giving the advice has some connection with the person receiving it. New mothers are stressed and harried and worried enough about taking care of their children without the extra pressure. And admit it - not all random advice is well meaning - some of it is given in a spirit of meanness and superiority and that is the very LAST thing a new mother needs!

"Correct your baby now, make sure he/she is using the right hand!" REALLY!!? I think we should have moved on from that by now.

a trip down memory lane. i absolutely agree!!!!!!

Hopefully you'll take as much care of your kid as you do that chip on your shoulder. If these people's comments bother you so much, how about speaking up to them about it instead of blogging where they'll never know what's on your mind?

I have three things to say. 1) I am one of the advice givers and I hope that the advice I give is worthy for the moment that I gave it. 2)The Bible says that the elder-those who have experiance- are to teach the younger-those without experiance- 3) I was so there that in tears I spoke to my doctor (especially about breast feeding) about all the advice I was being given (most of which was contraditory like "You have to feed them something besides breastmilk, NO NO do feed him anything expect breastmilk. "). He gave me the BEST ADVICE ever. "YOU ARE that babies mother and you were given the Knowledge about him/her not everybody eles. Trust your instinks." Since then I have come to understand that a mother is give a natural knowledge of her children that if she pays attention to that knowledge she will never go wrong. If her instink says just a cold it probably right but if instink says go to doctor then she better do so. I manage to raise our three children by that adage and it worked. Oh I made mistakes but don't we all. SO MOM trust your God given instinks when it comes to your child.

Oh thank you for all of this! As a mother of 6 I was always getting advice and most of it was useless as none of it pertained to me or mine. What was worse was when my twins were born so here I am lugging around 2 babies and trailing 4 kids behind me wherever we went. So many 'tips' or suggestions how to parent multiple children when most people I met had never dealt with more than 2 at a time. Good grief! I keep my comments to new moms to "beautiful baby" or some such. I also keep suggestions for those who specifically solicite advice.

The most irritating comment would be " If they all gona look like that, next time have an abortion "

I Love my mother- in law, her son( my husband was and is apicky eater, but she always gives our son grief about what he eats or does not eat. He is a Happy and Healthy boy of 8 and as long as he continues to be healthy the critics can eat crow!

I agree with them all except for the "sleep when the baby sleeps" one. My personal feeling is that post partum depression stems from lack of sleep. Yes, it's nice to have a few minutes of quiet while the baby is sleeping, but really, sleep!!! It makes a world of difference!

We had a mid life surprise. When I was in the store with my two year old who was acting like, well a 2yr old, a lady said to me just wait until she is a teenager, this will seem like a peice of cake. her big sisters were 14 and 17 at the time. I looked at her and told her my story and said at least they go to school for 7 hrs a day so the state of Indiana gives me a break. 2yr olds are constant....teens even though the stress was high are much easier! She dropped her chin, turned red and turned away,