The Delivery Room: Private Affair or Party of the Century?

The birth of your baby is a momentous occasion worthy of tremendous celebration. But is your birth "the place" to be? Of course your family and friends are bursting at the seams with adoration for your unborn child. They love your little sweet pea so much in fact, that they are eager to be involved from the very moment your baby enters this world, but does all that excitement guarantee a golden ticket to the delivery room? For me, the answer was a resounding no.

As a wise Mommy Friend told me, "If you weren't there when this baby was made, then you won't be there for the delivery." I couldn't have said it better myself. Many a pregnant Mommy Friend and I have lamented the assumption that many mothers, in-laws and sisters make regarding their admission to the delivery room. Not only do certain family members assume an invitation, some dare assume V.I.P. status complete with backstage passes.

I know lots of Mommy Friends feel quite the contrary, viewing birth as a beautiful familial experience to be shared by older children and extended family members. While I understand and even celebrate this idea on a cerebral level, for me personally, I'm going to go out on a limb and just call birth embarrassing. Yes, delivery is undoubtedly a beautiful experience filled with rainbows and butterflies but it is also filled with vagina. Yes, I just said vagina. It is a medical word so I'm not being obscene or telling you anything you don't already know. In an attempt to take the sting out of the word, I'm just going to say it one more time, vagina. So if I'm not even a fan of showing my vagina to my OB/GYN, I most certainly wouldn't be a fan of showing it off to members of my extended family. I just happen to believe certain body parts are called "privates" for a reason. Again, I understand that birth isn't just about vagina per se, but in my prudish little mind, it really is. Perhaps I'm not progressive enough to see the bigger picture. Not only did I institute the NO VIDEO, NO BIRTHING MIRRORS, NO FAMILY rule in the delivery room, I also instituted the NO MEDICAL STUDENTS rule as well, just for good measure. My personal peepshow was going to be an intimate performance with limited ticket sales.

Following birth, only when I had been given the opportunity to rest, eat and bond with my new baby was I ready to receive visitors. I wasn't trying to be a primadonna or drag out the anticipation any longer; I just wanted a little space and the opportunity to absorb the experience without a lot of noise or clutter. I think the best gift we can give a new mom is the courtesy of space and time even though the family is chomping at the bit to kiss those little piggies.

The moral of the story is this: Mom and Dad created this life and have earned to right to decide who makes the invite list to the party delivery and while some may wish to share it, others may not. For all of us who didn't nab a golden ticket to the birth experience, just remember, there will be plenty of time to get to know this precious new life and the new parents will need our support more than ever postpartum.

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