The devastating daycare drop off

It hink this is a typical 3 year old thing to do. My girl has been in daycare for years and this tantrum thing comes and goes. She was fine for a while as I was always quick in and out at drop off. But all of a sudden the last few days have been torture. I can't even get her in the building. She refuses to walk in and she screams and crys and wont go. I'm too pregnant to carry her and I can't drag her down the hall.
I had to have her teacher carry her in and sure enough, 5 minutes after I'm gone, it's like nothing ever happened.
I'm going top try 2 different tactics this week to see if I can break her of this habbit. 1: Wake up early and be home with her longer in the mornings. If it doesn't work, then 2: Have my husband drop her off a little later in the morning. (maybe you can ahve someone else drop her off? grandma?

I too have had this same problem.. My son is two and half and he had been going to the same day care since September. The crying occured when we first took him to the new day care for a few weeks... He was fine for a few weeks and then it started happening again.. I dreaded every morning.. leaving him as he was in tears... we tried the waving good bye out the window and that worked for a few more weeks, then after the christmas holidays it began again... I struggled to fight back my own tears. Every morning was a struggle.. It was hard on me but I had taken the advice of everyone and continued to take him, however just the other day we got a letter from our day care provider that she was giving us two weeks notice as she no l

no longer wanted to deal with our son... my heart is broken.. now I am afraid to take him to another day care as I am sure the behavior will continue... I feel defeated and angry and do not know what step to take..

There could be a few things going on - First it could easily be the dad thing, my little one is going through it again but I have eben able to engage them in talking about it and tying to be positive that we are a team not matter who or what happens. The other thing is though the school is good there may be something there that does not fit for him. I have been through a few different schools with my little one and there is always a month transition but after that there is something else going on. Some kids do not click with some centers does not make them bad. I also agree he could be sensing some of your "fear" about leaving him, talk it up until you both believe it. Is he okay during the day, does he calm down immediately after you leave? These are two important questions you need to ask the school. My little one played me for weeks until in front of him the teacher said they were fine a few minutes after I left and were doing it for attention. It is amazing what them knowing we know does as well. Best of luck. Stay strong.

Ok let me start by saying that I was a single parent to my 2 middle daughters yet they were 7 and 11 respectively when I became a "single parent". I think the first and hardest thing I had to learn was that of the role of "mother" while still being "father". The biggest thing I learned was that children need the reassurances of both parents. So my first question is: What is your current situation with the ex-spouse and how much time does HE spend with the child? Is it possible that you could share the responsibilty of taking the child to daycare?
I believe this way the child would feel less that "Mommy" is abandoning him at daycare and "Daddy never does that to me". If you could share in this then I believe the child would not feel as though you alone are the one that leaves him behind. Not knowing your situation though I wonder who watches the child when the father is in possesion. Would it be possible that the father also take the child to the "same" daycare during his times of possesion as to help the child feel this is equally done by both parents and that therefore "not" just mommy doing this to me!
Should this not be possible do you think that you could arrive about 15 minutes earlier and sit with the childs caregivers long enough for his attention to be directed to playing at which time you could leave and the child would be less likely to watch you walking away from him rather than just dropping him off. I believe this way he would feel less abandonment as his attention would be elsewhere by then.
Just thoughts, however they may not be applicable in your situations. Keep your head up though, soon he will be old enough that he won't be as dependent on you as he learns independence of himself, unfortunately thats about 2 or 3 years from now if he's just 3. Once he begins pre-k, he'll have more of a since of security, then it won't be so crushing to you having to leave him behind.
Hope this helps, and good luck, I really think things will work out just fine. Love is the most important thing you can provide for your child so don't let the little things hurt you so bad that they disrupt YOUR normal routines.

Mark S. Adamson, Conroe Texas

I am not happy that anybody else has to go through this, but it is so helpful to know that so many other people have gone through this. Before I couldn't get my son to put on his coat to leave, now he does that, but once we get to daycare, he flips out and won't even get out of the truck. I just had surgery on one hand, so it is really hard for me.. and he is a 34 lb 3 ft 21 month old. I almost have to drag him inside and I feel awful, then they have to "peel" him off of me. They say within 5 minutes he is playing and talking up a storm. Then in the evenings, wether we just come straight home or go visit friends and family.. as soon as we get into the parking lot at home I have the same problem getting him into the house :-( Thank you for posting you situation and thank you for everyone that has shared their experience!

I'm a single mom as well as a child care teacher. My daughter wanted to be in my classroom. I have found whay works best for both my daughter and the children in my care is for the child to walk in, for the parent to act excited about what a great day they will have, and to be matter of fact about leaving.

Children do sense your feelings. On our way to work my daughter and I will talk about what we will do that day. I'll say I'm going to laugh and smile and sing songs. She'll say well "I'm going to have a great day too! I'll make a picture for you." Or something along those lines. If she says "well I wish we could stay home and have a snuggle day." I might respond with "That would be great. Let's do tatSaturay morning! Today your class is going to make puppets. Are you going to put hair on yours?"

That way I'm acknowledging her feelings but I'm matter of factly letting her know we are going to work.

I hope this helps.

If you don't get a copy of the lesson plan from your teacher ask for one. Then you can talk about the fun stuff your munchkin will do.

I know it's hard but if you act like this is a wonderful thing for your child it will help you both out.

I am a daycare provider and I have found that some childen will cry when dropped off and will keep crying when parents carry them in and stay for more then a minute. Children want to stay home with mommy because mommy's do best however after in my care they stop crying with in minutes once the mom leaves and never seem to cry when other members of the family drop them off. So I would suggest you walk in, drop off and say I know your going to have fun today and I'll see you later, then leave very quickly. Don't give that hug or kiss good buy because it makes it worse for both of you and you will goto work feeling sad because he will scream when you let him go. Trust me I know both sides as I'm a mom and a childcare provider. Make it as quick as you can and after a couple of weeks if will stop.

Hi,My son who is 3yrs old and he started daycare in july 2008 ,he used to cry and scream every morning when i drop him off somethin i tried and it worked for me,what I do every morning I make a star with marker on the back of his hand before we leave the house and I tell him that" I will give you the other star when you go to your daycare" so when I give him the other star I tell him"now whenever you miss Mommy you can look at it or kiss it" and the other thing I do that I give him a small toy that could fit in his pants pocket and I tell him" keep it with you and don't loose it I wanna play with this toy when I come back ,the idea is to give him something that can assure him that he has a home and a momy who cares about him.That really helped him ,Try it and lemme know If it works,GoodLuck.

I do the same thing every morning. I start to get that knot about midnight and I Cant sleep. Dreading the morning drop off to kindergarten. My son crys and it kills me so I of course stick around the class room for awhile. I get in the hallway and the flood gates open for me. Its a terrible feeling and it hurts you to leave your child crying.

I went throught the same thing with my son. I put him in pre-k and everyday he cried. You need to do what's best for your child, not what everybody else does for theirs. Your child is an individual and even though he is small he does know what he wants, if you only listen. The question to you is, would you be willing to go with a stranger for seven hours a day is you weren't very confident in them? I know I wouldn't. Children have instincts as well as adults do and if he is crying for you, it is because he is not ready to be away form you for so long. I know people have to go to work and we all need to take care of personal business, but you did bring that child into this world and it is your responsibility to keep your child happy as much as can be. You've protected your child as an infant why not as a child. My advice to you is sit down by yourself and weight out your priorities and this will give you a better view of things. Do this alone, with no one around and don't let friends, family or society influence you in what is best for you and your son. Good Luck!

I work at a daycare as well. The worst thing that you can do is to spend 10 minutes trying to calm your child down. They are eating up the attention. I had a toddler that acts the same way, he couldn't see the door, but we had a bell on the front door, so the toddler knew when his mother actually left. He would continue carrying on because he knew that she was waiting in the foyer for him to calm down. Literally if another parent came in or left, and the bell rang the tears would immediately dry and he would run off to play.

Your child doesn't realize that he's hurting you, he just wants your attention. I know it's hard but hug him tell him good bye and walk out the door.

My 3 year old son cried every day for several months when I left him at daycare. I too had just returned to work after separating from his father and being a stay at home mom. What has worked best for us, after plenty of hear sick mornings for me, was having him stand at the window facing the driveway. When I get outside I wave (smiling) and blow him kisses. I few days of this and at least my mornings improved. Don't worry it will get better.

I have a similur problem with my nephew. Anytime i would drop him off at daycare (before or after dropping my son off at Kindergarten) it was incredably emotionally painful to see him behave this way. He'd rather stay home and help with the babies (my daughter and niece). I too haven't found the best strategy for this. And sure enough, everytime I goto pick him up, he is busily playing with the other childrne and doesn't want to leave. My best advice is to give your good byes in the car, walk in with him (holding hands, not carriyng , if you can avoid it) and pass him off to the director with a quick "i love you" and "see you soon" the longer you stick around the worse it will be, for both of you.

i agree with some of the previous comments. it could very well be that your son is picking up your vibes of reluctance to drop him off at daycare. if you can mask that and make it seem as if he is going to the most fun place on earth, that might help. give him a quick hug, a high five, and say "see ya later buddy!" you already know that he is fine after 10 minutes, so don't torture yourself.

also, it seems as if you have a very shy, and somewhat sheltered, child. to make a transition, you might want to take him to the park more or set up play dates so he gets used to the idea of being around other kids of his age.

I am an Assistant Director at a Montessori school, and after a month, it is unusual for your child to be that upset. It could be the issue of his dad being away for a long period of time. You should have him talk to you (if he can), about what his fears of his daycare are. Explain to him that you WILL BE BACK, also if he sees you are upset, he will get upset too. Don't cry or look worried in front of him, look excited and happy. Also, don't linger over the goodbye, tell him in the car what the routine will be. We are going inside, you will put your stuff away, you get two hugs and five kisses, then I am going, and I will be back, understand? The more upset the parents are, the more upset the kids get. If you are worried, they think there must really be something to worry about. I am sending you both big hugs and strenght, I was a single mom for a while too.

I too have worked in a child care center like many of the people who have left comments on here. I found that the best drop offs were when the parents brought their child in by hand and not by carrying them, said their good-buys and left. Since you know that your son is OK after you leave, then things are fine. Somethings that made drop off a little easier with the parents I worked with were bringing in a blanket, walking with the teacher to the door to tell mommy good-buy, and maybe bringing in a morning snack if your child's day care center allows it. Even though your child has made friends with a child in their class, It might help if you have the time during pick up time to sit around and play with your child as your child plays wit his friends. A good day care center should allow you to call any time you want or stop by to check see how your child is doing. If as a parent you are looking for a great day care center check out the website www.NAEYC.org the National Association of Education of Young Children. You can search for a center based of your zip code. Wish you the best of luck and as time goes on things will get better (just stick to a plan and stay in the same morning routine)! : )

I know how you feel I have a 29 month old son and a 19 month old daughter and im too a single 22 yr old mom. My son had always been babysat at my home by his grandmother and when she got a job she couldent do it anymore. i searched for over 2 mon for a great day care and found that because of there age groups that my son would be in the toddler room and my daughter would be in the baby room I told the director that my children have been together there whole life and for them to be torn apart i dident like the idea but the fact was that my daughter wasent a baby she could walk and the babies that were in her room were still crawling. and the toys were for babies she was use to other toys well anyway i took them on there 1st day and my son cried my daughter was fine until he started crying then she began to cry. i learned that if they have a favorite blanket or toy take it along and i told my son when he needed mommy to hug the bear and i would know. also when you drop him off dont tell him good bye because that means your leaving just say im going to work to make sure you have everything you need and toys.

by all means cut yourself some slack single parenting is extremely hard been there and doing it all over again take care in knowing that once you leave he is playing and happy

Wow, I could literally have written this post myself. Although my 3yr old daughter does not scream, cry or throw a fit, she very sadly asks me each morning, "What are we going to do today mama?" "Are you going to work?" "I don't want you to go to work, mama, I want to be with you today. I want YOU, mama." Then she simply puts her head down and cries to herself.

ABSOLUTE TORTURE!!!!

There are only four little girls at the babysitters house where she goes, and she has been with this woman for 1 1/2 years. I take off as much as I can, come early to get her, and drop her off close to lunchtime when I'm able. Nothing works. I hadn't intended on having anymore children if I could not stay at home and raise them but she was our little "surprise blessing". If there was ANY POSSIBLE WAY I could quit my job and stay at home while being able to keep a roof over our heads, I would. We live in California, however, and are financially strapped.

All this to say, I really feel for you and I will be closely monitoring this thread to see if anyone offers any advice or solutions to this horribly, painful daily ritual for both me and my child.

Danine-