The Great Mom Debate: Do You Let Your Children Attend Sleepovers?
By Charlotte Hilton Andersen, REDBOOK
Sleepovers were a staple of my formative years. Sleeping-or not sleeping-at my friends' houses taught me how to make orange smoothies, sing karaoke, and 57 different ways to annoy sleeping people, which are all valued life skills I still use today. The world has changed since then, as more and more parents are saying 'no' to this traditional childhood rite-of-passage.
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I have to admit that I'm one of these parents. Thanks to reports of child molestation, dubious morals, and lax parenting occurring during slumber parties, my husband and I have decided our children, ages 9, 7, 5, and 1, only get to party all night at our house. How 'uncool' of us! I've noticed that my kids rarely receive sleepover invites either. This convinces me that either our children are super-nerds (distinct possibilities, given their parentage) or other parents are saying 'no' to sleepovers as well (yeah, I'm going to go with this option).
Kelly Ripa recently hosted a back-to-school special about how to make sleepovers fun for the children without losing your mind. This makes me wonder if I'm unnecessarily depriving my children of slumber parties, which were one of my own childhood's greatest joys. Ripa explained, "Sleepovers are a chance for kids to let loose and have fun. So say 'yes' to pillow fights, breakfast for dinner, and not going to bed on time. Memories like these will last a lifetime!"
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But it's hard to ignore news stories about child molestation, underage drinking, peer bullying, and moral conflicts like what movies are appropriate for young children to watch at sleepovers. I think everyone my age has a story about something bad that occurred during a slumber party. Mine involves seeing a 3rd-grade classmate hurt by her father in a drunken rage-an incident I had little framework to understand and ended up not telling anyone for years. I don't want the same to happen to my children. And while I can't say for sure, I don't see us changing our policy as our kids get older as you trade one set of risks for another.
What's your policy about sleepovers?
-I don't allow them. Better safe than sorry.
-We do "late nights", where we pick up our children before bedtime.
-I only allow it with a select group of families we know very well.
-I allow them: Everything in life has risks, and we shouldn't be too protective.
Charlotte Hilton Andersen is a mom of 5 and the author of the book The Great Fitness Experiment: One Year of Trying Everything and the blog of the same name.
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