The opposite of a 'Tiger Mother': leaving your children behind

I can't help but wonder what the reaction would be if a man took an overseas job then one day decided he didn't want to be a parent and also asked for a divorce.

Nothing but a selfish POS! Who feeds the kids? Who takes them to school? Being a parent is not a job you just quit because there are other things you would rather do, you are supposed to be responsible, you are supposed to be the two people that your children can depend on, what she doesn't mention is the devastation she caused her children. She'll get hers some day.

My father tried that. I lied, and said I was fine, and really it destroyed my life. I wanted him to be there for everything, and instead, he was living his life, and making himself happy. Once you become a parent, your child(ren) are your commitment. Period. End of story. if you can't 100% be ready to slow down your personal life, or stop the more fun, exciting part of not being tied down to one place, don't have children. Or for heaven's sake, don't walk away from them. I find it no excuse to just walk away and leave, and am shocked to hear that her "relationship has improved" with her boys.

My step-daughters mother took off when she was very young. They see eachother three or four times a year, talk several times a week on the phone and she has an idea of what's going on in her daughters life. She loves her mother. What her mother doesn't see and what my step-daughter would never tell her is the pain and anguish she goes through because her mother isn't there. She's 12 and in 7th grade and her mother has never been in a classroom, never met a teacher, never been to a talent show or a family night. She's never met her friends or been to a birthday party. Her mother will come to town either the weekend before or after her birthday, but the only time she's ever been there on the actual day was the day she gave birth. But parenting is so much more than scheduled events. It's those moments, those irreplaceable moments. Knowing when they are sad, hungry, happy, frustrated just by a look or a sigh. What are these women thinking? Oh yeah, about themselves. It screws the kids up! And it goes for the men, too, who shirk from their obligations. These children are your responsibility, you brought them into this world. Boohoo, "It's not what I expected" or "It's not what I want". Put on your big girl panties. I have no respect for Ms. Lierra or Ms. Riuzzo. In the end it's them that will suffer for not being there for their children. At least they are temporarily happy with their decision. Hope there's no animosty for your decision when it's time to choose your nursing home.

This one sided story is ridiculous. "Oh my kids are fine and we are connected" when before you left you were overtly attached? Kids don't naturally flip and flop, they need stability and love not skype and selfishness. GET REAL.

My Dad left us. It was 1977 and divorce was becoming popular. I can understand bailing on marriage, but bailing on kids is heartless. As an adult, I don't know my Dad. I am not bonded to him. It affected everything about me - including my selection of a husband. I decided I did not want my "dad" in my kids life as he is like a stranger to me. He threw a fit when I told him. Funny, I never regret it - maybe I am more like my dad than my siblings are like him - I am able to ignore relationships. ;)

It's all good and fine for the moms who leave their kids, but what about the dads? These women are leaving the fathers with double the parenting responsibilities so they can run off and be 20 years old again. Of course the mothers like how they've been able to walk away from everything, but this article has neglected to ask the fathers and -most importantly- the children how it's affected them. I feel like this kind of abandonment would cause some serious emotional issues for those kids.

It's a good thing she "never wanted to be a mother", because she isn't.

I have four children and I am going to marry a man who has four children. Both of our ex spouses did very similar things. They left our children and left us with full custody and said they weren't cut out to be parents full time. It was rough at first, but my kids are doing ok. His kids are still having a very hard time. They cried themselves to sleep for months. They fight and bicker and have problems at school. It is obvious they are extremely insecure. They don't care that their mother is now feeling more fulfilled and loves her new life. They are children, they aren't capable of that kind of emotional depth. They just care that their life has been shattered, they miss their mother, nothing will ever be the same, and now they are scared every day that other people will leave them. As far as her seeming more happy now......what message does that send? That tells them (and other children in this situation) "you were so awful and unlovable that I had to get away from you to be happy." Is that the message we want to send our children? If she had just decided to pursue a career while still staying with the children, she could come home every day and see them and they could see her grow and be happy in her career AND continue to love and nurture them on a day to day basis. She should be telling them "I can find personal fulfillment AND still be a mother to you" not "I have to stop being a mother to find personal fulfillment and be happy." Every single person who has commented that we should ask how the kids feel are right!! No child wants their parent to be gone or thinks its a good situation. UNLESS the parent was abusive and unloving.

I just ran into this page on accident. I have very mixed feelings, after reading alot of the comments I still feel the same way. My Mother was single I really didnt see our dad. My mom drank and partied and wasnt home that oftened. I raised my sister and brother. Let me tell you that didnt turn out that well. I had a son at 15 and a daughter at 19. I did it alone for awhile, Then found a nice man to help. I just feel like it is important for a child to feel wanted and loved. I raised my children the best I could, I was always there when they needed me and i did put my life on hold. I am 31 now and my son is 15 and daughter 12. They told me they feel important and loved. I am the best mom. Lilly says Im better then some older parents. That makes me laugh, ppl still stare when I say Im their mother. Any way, I believe it damages a child for a parent (mother or father) to abandan them. You as a parent might not think you are abandaning the child because u call and skype, but its not what u think. It is how the child feels. If your child feels abandaned then you should change your parenting style. No, I dont believe that you have to throw away all your dreams but you desided to have a kid so you did chose to give up a lot. I feel sorry for the ladies who left their children. I feel bad for the children. They are missing a lot and the ladies will regret it. Hope people make the best choice for them. Mine was to spend as much time with the kids as i can. I can have a life after they have started theirs. As of right now they are my life. Even though I was a kid myself when I had them and didnt plan them, I decided to keep them. My job is to raise level headed respectful adults. I would like to runaway some days, I COULD NOT imagine life without them.

If you didn't want kids from the start then you should've used a contraceptives.

With parenting like that maybe it IS better to be separated by thousands of miles. The only thing worse than no parent is a self-absorbed, selfish one like her!

If you never wanted to be a mother, then why did you have kids?

had to lose them to find them?? if every parent did that, can you imagine the devastation that would occur- she should have lost all parental rights and contact- she abandoned them....what a disgrace to Vermont....

"leave children to find them?" Give me a break. She abandoned them.

"When a man chooses not to be a full-time parent, it's acceptable-or, at least, accepted."

This may well be true in her cultural circle, but it isn't true around here. When a man walks out on his family, the other men lose respect for him. I see more and more women walking out on their children and men taking up both roles. I am even seeing more men that divorce their wives so that they can get the children away from the abusive or neglectful mother.

I think this story is a gross misrepresentation of what "full time parenting" really is. A full time parent can have their own career, hobbies and interests and they should! Very few people are cut out to be modern-day June Cleavers, and this article sheds a bad light on that.

she didn't have a "normal 20 year old life" give me a break i was 16...i finished school while working 2 jobs and raised my child.... i put giving her a life first and have returned to school to finish my degree. she didn't want to a mother any more? pleeaassse! what about the responsiblity to raise her children w/o malice? and she thinks she should be applauded for that. what are her kids relationship with the oppisite sex? can anyone say abandonment issues? selfish witch. but i guess it better than her staying and taking it out on the kids. seems the type.

The "free range model" that the women want to be (where you are a perfect 1950's housewife only a month or so out of the year) is... a grandmother. The most important thing a parent does is provide a day to day role model. Children absorb their mental and social skills by watching their parents. And yeah, everyone LOVES their grandmothers because they are so cute and nice and they're your best friend forever... but that's not the purpose of a parent.

Wow... you don't have to be "over nurturing" to be a mother in your childs life. This is one of the most selfish things I have ever read from a mother. Every decision she made was out of selfishness but she's trying to play it like this is some kind of new age parenting tactic. They say when you love something, let it go. That applies to romance, not your children. That's not a mother's love. There are plentyuf successful women with children, she obviously sucks at multi tasking. I can't stand people who stereotype family life.

Children who are abandoned by their mother have a great many issues because of it. I've seen if first-hand with a number of relatives, even my own husband and his siblings. Call it what you want, "free range parenting" is still abandoning your child. Has anyone asked these folks' kids what they think about this situation, I bet, if they can be honest, they'll say it stinks! How do any of you decide to leave the people you love? My answer to you is that you are self-centered and love no one and nothing but yourself. That's how. This whole situation is wrong and out of order. You made the decision to have children, now you're trying to back out of it - too late sister. What does this lady consider "normal?" There are millions of women who have been parents since they were 20 or younger, and didn't choose to abandon their young children. SELFISH! If I were her husband, I would have divorced her too. The kids are probably better off without her, how selfish can you be, and then the gall to act like you've actually done something positive and groundbreaking. Such #$%$