The Real Truth About the Second Child

Don't be so hard on yourself. In our case,it's the 2nd child getting most of the attention due to her behaviour issues, and the 1st one "being" forgotten at times because he is an honor-roll student & behaves most of the times.You just try hard to make it up to both each day, week, etc.

I have the similar problem. The funny thing is that my 3 year old son seems easier to convince than my older 11 year old. I have to convince my older son that a kiddy movie will not be as interesting to him as an action thriller but we are doing things as a family. One weekend will be focused more on an older age range entertainment and the next will be for my little one. No matter what we have so much fun, but I speak to both of my boys as if they are grown and it keeps them from forcing being the center of attention. I get attacked with hugs and kisses from both sometimes but I love it.

Your first child needs to learn to share. Your second child will never feel like he is important to you as your first child is. Both children need some one on one time with their mommy.

I love to tease my mom about this, and I am a young adult.

When my oldest brother was born, she spent hours on his baby book. Every coo was documented. Pictures everywhere and of everything! By the time baby #4 arrived, his little book was so sad. Pretty much school pictures, first communion, and senior prom.... and that's about it. But, on the flip side, he was also the last one to leave home and got their undivided attention on the tail end. While the rest of us were told to get teenage jobs ( and did), never was that suggestion offered to #4.

In spite of our numerical debuts into this world, we all had great childhood experiences. As the only girl, I certainly got away with murder on more than one occasion.

Your #2 will make his own way, too.

First of all it is 'your' choice to spend that much time on the older one. Nothing is really gonna happen if he misses out on a few play dates for the sake of his younger brother.

The way I see it, the younger kid always gets to be a kid, whether he is 5, 10 or 25 , until you have grand kids ,he is THE kid. The older one needs to growup the day the youngling is born. It is a give and take, you win some ,you lose some.I don't see anyone getting the shaft here.

I think with after the first you realize that all that time is unnecessary. There is no reason why bedtime should take and hour...you would never get time to yourself. I think people need to take this as a lesson when they have the first...not everything has to be perfect with name brands and expensive gear.

I am a Mom if a 31/2 year old boy and I'm 3 weeks pregnant I don't know what to expect having my. Second I'm really scared! My first gets all the attention and I think how will I split my time he's a full days job as it is! When the second baby is born my son will be 4 years and 3 months old, and he's the baby we do everything together! Any advise would be great and the sleepless nights again and then up with a 4 yr old All day! I'm nervous!

I'm a twin, so I never got that alone and one on one time with mommy and daddy... even from birht. I survived, so your kids will too.

The only thing I will say is to pay attention to how much you are lettling the older kid make all the decisions. You should make a better effort to let the little one pick... even if he is happy and goes along, you are basically teaching him that his feelings and ideas don't count as much. That will hurt more than not having alone time.

That didn't really happen with me. I am the second child, but the first girl. The results were a happy mother who got to pick out cute dresses and style my hair with cute bows and decorate a room all frilly and girly. When she was pregnant with her third child, a woman asked her if she wanted a boy or a girl. My mom said she didn't care. The woman looked down at me and my brother. He was just starting to dress himself, and had clothes inside out and hair a mess. I was perfectly coordinated with matching hair accessories. The lady said, "Yeah right." Guess I just got lucky :)

I think each individual's personal experience will form who they are, and it sounds like your second child will be easy to get along with, easy to please and not self centered. I'm sure he will make a wonderful man some day. Why worry?

I half-joke that my second child is practically feral. On the other hand, now that my oldest is in preschool, I have some more one-on-one time to do things just with the youngest.

Well..... I only have one child, however I am the second child who got less and "second rate" attention when I was a child. Here are the facts about my brother and I now that we are "grown up": I have been married one time and have one child. We have a nice house in a nice area about a mile outside the city limits. We both have steady jobs and steady incomes. All in all, we have a wonderful life.
My brother, you know, the one who got the most and best attention, has been married twice, working on his second divorce, can't keep a job, is living with his grandparents, has a daughter from his first marriage that he never sees and probably never will.

All in all, I think I learned better skills in which to live my life... I wouldn't worry too much about being the second child...

Try to stop worrying so much about the details. Aslong as you show love and affection to both as much as possible, they will learn the meaning of comprimise as they get older and they will have someone that they can lean on unconditionally!

Umm, yeah -- this isn't exactly an earth-shattering revelation. any mother with more than one will tell you this!

shouldnt you be fair with your children? try harder to treat the younger one ATLEAST the same as you do with noah.

I dont have children of my own, but I would think it is this way in most cases. Before, when it was just Noah you had all the time and energy to focus on that one beautiful son. Now you have two beautiful sons you have to divide your attention between, so it seems impossible to think you can provide that same love and attention to the new baby. So, give yourself some slack! You are doing all you can do, and sounds like a great job at it too, at being the best mother to your boys. Besides, Sam probably wouldnt have it any other way.

I'm also a second kid. Different genders and a large enough age gap affected the amount and type of attention I got from my both my parents and my older sib.

For every sad, sad tale of perceived woe I can discuss about being a second, my older bro can match with one perceived about being a first. Perception is reality.

As for the author, just relax and love your children for their unique gifts. You don't need to replicate your first child's experiences with your second. I suggest though, that you stop focusing your weekend energy on the first kid's desires. Try to balance activities that teach your oldest the value of compromise in addition to offering your second some age appropriate attention. Start with not allowing your oldest to "always" choose the bedtime story. While I appreciate your concern about your youngest, please guard against raising your older child with the expectation that he always gets things on his terms.

How funny, my oldest is Noah too. I don't think my second guy gets the shaft. But theres an age difference, and of course the older one gets more attention as he can do more things. So I'm sure once Sam is older it will change. Who can do exactly what you did to your second of what you did with your first?! I know I can't. But I also know part of being a mother is feeling guilty!!! Chill girl, your kids are loved!

Maybe try to make time for each kid everyday. I have twins and I just give them equal attention even if my son is the one that wants more. You just have to be open to share your free time with your kids and not catching up on some zzz's.

I know exactly how you feel. I lay awake at night racked with guilt over doing to much for one my children, or coming down to hard on the other. I always have guilt. My husband says that is what makes me a good Mommy. I am always worried about my children, and I guess that will never change. I don't even have time to read bed-time stories. Now I have something new to feel guilty about.