The Truth about Boys and Girls

*sighs* Each and every person is different and should be allowed the freedom to be themselves. As a female who strongly identifies with male thinking and styles (not just a girl version of the same activities as some other posters identified) I hope that parents of the future will accept and not direct their children.

I have two boys and a baby girl. I grew up a tomboy, and have a sister eight years younger than myself who has always been a super-girly sort of girl.

The only thing that matters to me, as a parent, is that my kids are happy. I'm not going to dress my daughter in frills and pink girly things (until she's old enough to pick those things out on her own, that is), but if she decides she wants to wear those things, fine.

I'd rather indulge her curiosity when she's young and let her explore than give her the impression it's "Forbidden" and have it become a Big Deal later in her life. Not to mention making sure she feels loved for whoever she is and whatever things she likes.

my parents and extended family have always stressed traditional gender roles (and are real homophobes), so ever since i was little my brother and i were always treated differently even though he was the one who like all the traditionaly girly things and i was the one who acted like a stereotypical boy. we both turned out normal, but even now my family still finds it weird that my plans for life include a career rather than marriage, and that he's more art- and less math-oriented. i think that parents should just step back a little and trust that their kids will turn out okay rather than trying to force them into a set gender role,

Boys-girls whats the diff, love your babies, our everything depends on it.

First, Dr. Small, thank you for posting this article. As someone who works in higher education and, due to my field, is familiar with this vein of research, its wonderful to have someone here on shine post this.

It is always interesting as a parent what we consciously try to do (or not do) in raising our children. And as you illustrated, knowing more, does not necessarily mean we still do not do those things we've been told are stereotyping. What to me is also challenging, particularly in the US, is we have so many cultural norms in play that are in agreeement/disgreement. From a parental standpoint, there is the fear that your child will not "fit in" if they don't fit into certain boxes. It's this fear that drives some away from letting their child explore and test their individuality instead of supporting their childs personal exploration.

All the years I worked in preschool, I would always tell parents that would freak if their son wore a dress from the play bin, "Why wouldn't he want to wear that because girls clothes are prettier?" It is not that he WANTS to be a girl, it is that he is exploring his world and has picked out something colorful and pretty.

This is just too sad for words;
Women and little girls don't feel that being feminine and female is worthwhile and force themselves to male identify--truly a sign of our patriarchal and puritanical society.
Ladies, you don't have to pretend you are men to be valid. What is wrong with being a feminine woman? Let men be men and be strong enough to be a woman.
Plenty of women are athletic, strong, and vibrant, and still feminine and womanly.
You are selling yourself and your true nature too short!

Female is my biological sex. However, I never liked being a girl and there are few things I like about being a woman. Overall, as long as I can remember, I preferred boyish things and activities and NOBODY steered me one way or the other.

As a child, I was given boys' toys and girl's toys from the beginning. In the sandbox, I used my Tonka trucks to load my tea set. I preferred playing baseball to playing with the toy kitchen I had. Dolls sat in the corner while I built stuff with my Lincoln Logs, my Lego sets, my girder and panel building sets. I loved my dinosaur land playset and rarely ever touched my dollhouse. I had Barbies and sports equipment and I preferred playing sports. I was given boys' clothes and girl's clothes from the beginning. I never liked wearing dresses or having my hair in barrettes or ponytails. I preferred jeans, a tshirt, and a baseball hat. And i used to cry when I had to wear a dress and wasn't allowed to wear pants under it.

As a nearly 40 year old biological female, I choose not to identify with a particular gender and I don't give a damn about dating, sex, or romantic relationships with either men or women. I have dated a few men and found it tedious and boring and I find sex to be entirely unstimulating, overrated, and repulsive. I have never dated a woman and I have no desire to do so. My hormonal levels are normal too-- so this isn't about hormones either.

I was born this way. My family never pressured me to be a girlie girl and they didn't train me to be a boy. My androgynous asexual lifestyle just happened.

I'm a middle child sandwiched between two boys. My mom always commented on how amazed she was at the differences from infancy between my older brother and myself. Right from the beginning, he was all boy: rough and tumble and not an ounce of delicacy about him. I, on the other hand, without question acted like a girl with dainty little movements and an affinity for pretty, frilly things. We were all encouraged to be who we wanted to be, but the gender differences were evident from the day we each were born.

Well, my comment isn't really about kids, but in the last paragraph the writer describes "and women that they were too emotional to handle a corner-office career." What's interesting about that is I am 44, not a type A personality, and I have worked for corporations, privately owned businesses, retail both on a small and large end scale. My experience with women bosses have almost always been negative. They either seem to:
A. mentor you without your interest
B. be your friend (which a boss should never be as far as I'm concerned)
C. make sure you always know they are the boss
D. take their personal or business issues out on you (you work so closely together)
E. "seem" to be critical of you because you are younger, skinnier, prettier, etc

I have never had the above issues happen with men I worked with. NOT to say there were a few that weren't pieces of work themselves. Just my opinion....

This topic is definately helpful for me because I will have my first child this October. I remember as a girl, I loved dressing up and play with Barbies but I also loved going to a large dirt or mud hole with my dad and find worms for fishing. I remember being happy at a new dress for Easter or some make up from the store but also being excited that I caught my first 18inch german brown trout or hanging out with the boys at school. Now as an adult, I love shopping, romance novels, and shoes. But I also love to hang out with my husbands friend and laugh at their dirty jokes. I hope that when our little one is born, we give him or her the freedom and wisdom to choose what he or she likes or dislikes to do.

I am a mother of three girls. they love to play with cars and trains as much as they play with dolls. i am very happy about this. they can be whoever and whatever they want to be.

Growing up I had the girl role, whil my brother ws the boy. I stayed in the house withmom, while he got to work in the garage with dad. I wish it was the other way around. While i can cook up one hell of a meal, I cannot change the oil on my car.

My three brothers and I all had the same stuff at the beginning of life. I was born to live in a yellow nursery, with all unisex clothing. However, I veered toward girly right at the beginning, as my brothers turned toward more masculine interests. Take our toys. Both my brothers and I had an assortment of GI Joes and Barbies. For me, GI Joe became Barbie's friend, while for the boys, Barbie became GI Joe's commanding officer/enemy/weapon. We had a street map rug. I used it for dolly to drive to her house in a hotwheel, while brother threw dolly and raced hotwheels on the rug. At five, I wanted to be a doctor/writer/ballerina/artist, while brother wanted to be a lawyer/basketball player/skateboarder/artist. We did enjoy some similar things: brother could be daddy or puppy or babysitter when playing house, while I enjoyed the mud. However, the difference still persisted. Brother made baby do tricks, while I wore a princess bathing suit when making mud pies. See? We can be the same, but we'll still be different.

This is an interesting topic, and hopefully parents will give their children the freedom to explore their own identity.

When I was little, I loved playing with Tonka trucks, climbing trees, hiking, and even hid my long hair sometimes to dress as a boy. As an adult, I still love the outdoors, getting my hands dirty in the garden, and power tools. But I also adore stillettos, fashion, and just generally being a girl. I am grateful that my parents allowed me to explore all sides of my personality and let me play with boy toys as well as girl toys (I liked Barbies too).

I once witnessed a mother freak out because her two year old boy wanted to have his fingernails painted like his older sisters. What kind of message was she sending? He was two, a little nail polish is pretty harmless. But she certainly let him know that it was not ok with her for him to be who he wanted to be.

my brother played with dolls as a child and loved to put a towel on his head and pretend that he had long hair. He did turn out to be a homosexual but he is not a cross dresser.

Hey! I liked hiking, skateboarding, climbing trees and adventuring as much as my brothers, but in a different way.
hiking- b- I'll be strong! m- look at the flowers!
skateboarding- b-Fub! m-Fun!
climbing trees- b-a secret military base! m-a beautiful house!
adventuring- b-I'll beat them! m-I'll save the little baby/ be the princess/whatever cute little story I made up as the reason for the adventure!

One thing we all loved to do was go into the junky side yard and make little villages. I liked to build and decorate the "houses" to make them comfy, and gather mud and leaf "food". My brothers liked to fight off enemies who would destroy the village. (about ten kids were always involved.

Hey! I liked hiking, skateboarding, climbing trees and adventuring as much as my brothers, but in a different way.
hiking- b- I'll be strong! m- look at the flowers!
skateboarding- b-Fub! m-Fun!
climbing trees- b-a secret military base! m-a beautiful house!
adventuring- b-I'll beat them! m-I'll save the little baby/ be the princess/whatever cute little story I made up as the reason for the adventure!

One thing we all loved to do was go into the junky side yard and make little villages. I liked to build and decorate the "houses" to make them comfy, and gather mud and leaf "food". My brothers liked to fight off enemies who would destroy the village. (about ten kids were always involved.

We are going to have such a future generation of freaks. Yes I am not that liberal when it comes to this. After they are so old, gender specific toys are what they want because that is what other boys and other girls play with, that is what the tv is telling them they want to have. I did not tell my son he cant play with dolls or dress up in certain clothing, he picks out what he wants, he is 6 yrs old. It is so cute though because he says he is going to buy me the latest Barbie, he gets that it is for girls, but not for older girls:)

I HAVE A 2YR OLD GIRL,AND I SEE HER LIKING PINK CLOTHES,DOLLS,BOT ALSO PLAYING W/CARS...DOES THAT MEAN SHE COULD GO EITHER WAY?? E-MAIL ME??

I am the second oldest in a family of nine. I have six brothers. They were and still are my best buds. I (happily) raised three sons. One thing I got from that male-dominated environment: the desire to compete. In athletics. In the workplace. In any challenge actually. I grew up in an environment that was assertive and aggressive. I do not like to shave my legs nor do I like frilly crap. I'm sure this has something to do with all that male meat.