TMC Confessions & Answers with Brett Berk: 3 ways to get over over-scheduling.

TMC:

I confess, I think moms who overschedule their kids with endless activities, don't want to spend time with their own children.

Uncle Brett:

Well...it really depends on the kid. Some children are really annoying--or at least grating on your personal sensibilities--in which case, enrolling them in a constant stream of lessons, clubs, and teams might be the best way to control your urge to place them in their bedroom with a case of Ensure and install a dead-bolt that locks from the outside (an act which is decidedly not developmentally appropriate.) That said, I'm generally in favor of all kids participating in some form of activities, so long as the stuff they're joining meet the following three requirements:

1) It's something they actually want to do. I've seen more than my share of kids who are pressured into playing little league, entering beauty pageants, and learning to joust because it was something their parents wanted to succeed in during their own youth...but didn't. Having kids is already The Ultimate Vanity Project. No need to add additional layers of psychosis to the relationship. Encourage your kids' interests, but try your best to follow their lead. And remember: kids generally conform to the expectations of the adults around them, so try your best to release your ego.

2) It's...active. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with Chess Club, or Bridge Club, or Particle Physics Club. But if you have a young (2-6 year old) child, you're really not "enriching" their life if you enroll them in something like this. You're either trying to make a genius out of them (which usually backfires disastrously), or you're simply showing off. I'd rather see a young kid signed up for Paper Shredding or Trampoline Experiments than The Mathletes. There's plenty of time to foster their learning later. Early childhood is their one chance to enjoy, and learn from, fun for fun's sake. Let kids be kids.

3) It's limited. Young kids work hard during the day. Whether they go to school, put in a double in a sweatshop, or simply watch you freak out on them at Target, processing, synthesizing, and integrating all the new information that's constantly streaming at them is a challenge. So the last thing they need after a full day on the job is to feel like they're forced to work another shift. Structured activities can be fun and enriching. But try to limit them to a few times a week at most. Fill their extra time with social engagements, free-form physical activities, and rule-bound but unstructured play with open-ended materials like blocks, paint, water, and manipulatives. Remember: Play is learning.

*Brett Berk, M.S.Ed has worked with young children and families for over twenty years, and is the author of The Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting (Random House, 2008). Visit him at www.askgayuncle.com