User post: Should I let my Dad walk me down the aisle?

My wedding is 8 months away and I am facing a dilema.... should I stick with my plan of not having anyone walk me down the aisle or for the sake of not hurting feelings, let my Dad and/or my Stepdad walk me down the aile?

Let me preface this by saying we are having a non-traditional wedding on the beach that will include both a Christian ceremony and a hand-fasting to recognize both of our beliefs and will be writing our own vows. We want our wedding to be very unique and expressive of our personalities.

Now for some background on the walking down the aisle solo situation.

First off, I consider myself a very modern woman,and don't like what the traditions of "asking for my hand in marriage" and being "given away" symbolize. I AM NOT TRYING TO OFFEND ANYONE, these are my personal beliefs here and the traditions of a man asking your father's permission to marry you and being given away to your husband by your father harken back to a time when women were considered property of thier fathers and husbands. I personally feel that I am not anyone's property and don't need anyone's permission to marry or to be given away to my husband. I am entering this union of my own free will, and want my engagement and cermony to symbolize that.

The second peice of that scenario is that I do not have a good relationship with my father. He was a drug addict until I was 15 and chose his drug addiction and lifestyle over me. Yes, I saw him often, but only when it was convienient for him, and he wasn't there for me emotionally or financially and he put me through all sorts of hell when he was using drugs. He only wanted the "fun" part of being a father and none of the responsibility. He is clean now, but our relationship is far from stable. He is a very "me first" person and is very self absorbed. I am sure he loves me in his own way, and has apologized for the past, but his actions speak far louder than his words and has shown over the years that I will never be as important to him as he is to himself. I am not close with him at all, even though we live together. One day he will be all about being #1 Dad, and the next I barely exist. I could go on and on about his behavior and the way it has affected me and how it makes me feel, but bottom line, no matter what I have done or said to him over the years has not made a difference in his attitude, but he just really doesn't get this at all and thinks he's this great Dad and that we should have this aweosme relationship. Whether this is denial or self-absorption on his part I don't know. I have distanced myself in order to prtoect myself and am at a point in my life where I am seeing his behavior for what it is and also seeing how it has affected my life and who I am. Because of our relationship I have decided that I don't want him to walk me down the aisle. I am going to do a father-daughter dance at my reception to recognize him and honor him and have told him that although I don't want anyone walking me down the aisle,(I gave him the outdated traditon reason I stated above) I want to do a father daughter dance with him as a special and unique way of honoring him. I just feel like it would be so fake to have my father "give me away" when I don't feel like he has been much of a father to me at all and also I feel like it would be enabling his bad behavior and reinfocing his imagined belief that we have this great realtionship. He's really pushing the walking down the aisle thing and pouting that my fiance didn't ask his permission. I told my Dad that I told my fiance I would find that insulting that I would need permission from anyone to marry him and my fiance was respecting my wishes. He's still being really immature about the whole situation and giving me a lot of guilt and acting all passive agressive.

I have a step-father who is a great man and has always supported me financially, and treated me like a daughter, but emotionally we are not close due in part to our personality differences and things that went on in our home when I lived there. I respect him a lot, but don't want him to walk me down the aisle either. Although he would be my first choice to do so, I am just not that mean to slap my father in the face like that. I really don't want both of them to walk me down the aisle either because my parents all hate eachother and I feel like that would be fake bs as well to act like we all got along and they raised me jointly. I have requested instead to have my stepdad play a song as I walk down the aisle as a special and unique way to honor and recognize him since he is an amazing musician and composer. He is ok with the whole situation and understands why I have made the choice that I have, or at least repects it and is not making me feel bad about the whole thing.

I feel pretty strongly about the whole not being "given away" thing, but my fiance thinks it's a defense mechanism and that if I had a better realtionship with my Dad I would be happy to have him do it. Maybe he's right to an extent, but I still feel it's a bit outdated. He also thinks that maybe I should just suck it up for a day and let my Dad or both my Dad and Stepdad walk me down the aisle and maybe it could help my relationship with my father. I have a conundrum here and am ready to just go elope so I don't have to deal with this, although I know I would be dissapointing a lot of people, my fiance included.

What I want to know is, has anybody else been through a similar situation? How did you handle it? What would you do in my shoes? Is there a right or wrong answer here or should I stick to my guns since it is MY wedding and do things the way I want to. Any OBJECTIVE or EXPERIENCED ADVICE would be helpful, I'm NOT LOOKING FOR OPINIONS OR JUDGEMENTS please.