Why Hide Miscarriage?: When we lost the baby, I was glad everyone knew.

The hardest part for me is when people keep asking, so when are you guys going to have kids? (We had been trying for a year when I finally found out I was pregnant right after this past XMAS - I was 5 1/2 weeks. Then miscarried about a week later).

You just want to SCREAM! On the one hand it's a very personal thing - just being pregnant is so personal, exciting and scary to begin with. We are of the belief not to say anything to anybody until we are 3 months along... it was sad this time to have to say well, Mom - Dad - we WERE pregnant.

The only people that know is my in-laws, parents, 1 grandma and our very, very close friends (4)... so it makes me want to rip peoples heads off when they continue to say, "so when are you gonna have a little one?"

IF YOU ONLY KNEW!!!!!

When my husband and I found out we were pregnant, we told our families and close friends. I told a few people at work, since they have been close to my husbands family for a long time. When I miscarried at 7 weeks, it was like someone ripped the floor out from under us. We were so glad that we had told people, because they were able to support us and help us deal with everything. We are trying again, and I will have no qualms about telling my family and friends if we are lucky enough to get pregnant again. The people that I want to share my joy with are the people who will support me if I have to go through pain, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Its ok, my doctor said most people miscarry there first pregnancy and some its so soon they never even knew they were pregnant. Is sad tho whether you a few wks along or 38wks like my gf. She lost her baby at 38wks. over a small deformity in the cord...You NEVER know what can happen. I though something was wrong but everytime i went to the doctor they said I was fine...by the time i was close I went to the hospital and I had NO amneotic fluid...my son could have suficated. Crazy things happen but it all works its way out. I am sorry for anyones loss...believe me I know all to well.

I lost my baby at 24 weeks - just because you're 12 weeks doesn't mean something won't happen. Our society is terrible at dealing with deal and it's even worse at dealing with the death of an unborn child. People don't think before they say things like "well, at least you have your daughter" or "you can try again". OBVIOUSLY I'm glad I have my daughter and clearly I can try again, but I will never have my baby boy back.

Miscarriages-a promise of what could be, the pain of being a woman but not a perfect one, failure to accept scientific reasons, probability , natural selection and all that! Yes, it is hard but you forget as soon as you have another child in your arms. It is toughest if there are long term implications. My heart goes out to all who have suffered this loss.

I don't think you "have" to keep it to yourself, but it isn't neccessary to broadcast it. I say to just let those who knew in on it. Take it from someone who has suffered 10 (yes, TEN) miscarriages and lost both my sons shortly after they were born. It is a matter of how you feel about it. Just don't go on pretending that you are still "with child". And tell people you aren't comfortable discussing it if you aren't. Just that you wanted to make sure people were aware so they wouldn't ask you how the pregnancy is coming along or suffer through someone buying a gift for the baby.

Some people think it cancels out being pregnant, but you have still lost your child regardless of how others take it. When you've felt that baby move or heard it's heartbeat in the ultrasound you know that it was a real baby. Since I lost both my babies shortly after they were born (the first one was 3 wks old and the second only 20 minutes) people don't consider me to be a mother. But my husband and best friend do and they always got me Mother's Day cards. So, if you feel like telling people--by all means do so. Just realize that it can be overwhelming for some. Which in turn may be more emotional for you in the end. Good luck and seek grief counseling if need be.

I have had 2 miss carriages over exactly a year apart from each other. I have felt that it is easier to move on when you talk about it. Yeah it is very sad to think I don't have my 2 little angles here with me. It's hard to see other people with children the same age my babies would have been. But my faith helps me move on. I strongly beleive there is a reason for everything. It was just not the right time for me.

I have been there before and i just want to let you know that in time, you will heal mentally just as well as you healed physically. I know the feeling of not wanting to try again, demanding answers from someone, even if that person is yourself. I posted a blog about this like 11 months ago when it happened to me. You have the support pf your family and friends and last but certainly not least, your husband. God is going to see you through and if you keep that undying faith, a baby bump will appear oneday when you least expect it. Stay strong mami, everything will be okay

I suffered my first miscarriage after trying to have a baby for a year and a half and it was horrific both emotionally and physically. It's so sad to me that even the people who love you don't know how to support you with some of the things they say (or don't say) and do. People really have such a hard time with grief. I found comfort in my husband, close friends, my dog and perfect strangers in a helpful support group. Great article

I had a miscarriage almost 3 years ago. I actaully had two of them, but with my daughter ( I felt I was having a girl), it was hard, I was with some one (married) and we wanted a baby. I was about 12 weeks when I lost her. No one ( except my other friends who have also miscarried) understood. People do not understand how you can be attacted to this little person inside of you ...but you just are and then one day they are gone and you never have the chance to say goodbye. Some people are even rude about your loss. They're like "Get over it", or "it wasn't alive yet." Or "It couldn't have survived outside of you.

I was lucky, I didn't have a DnC, my body miscarried on it's own. Since I have been pregnant 2x and have yet to carry to term, it makes me wonder in my heart of hearts if I can stay pregnant.

My husband and I got pregnant and were soooo excited about it. However, about 13 weeks into it, I started having complications.....and I miscarried. It was the most awful, horrible, depressing day of my life. We already had names picked out....I cried for weeks straight. It was such a let down. When I had to go in for my D&C I was so depressed and crazy they had to give me a shot of valium in my IV. I was hysterical.
We tried again about 6 months later and got pregnant again. I was scared to death of going through that pain again. Luckily, everything went well and I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. I know everything happens for a reason and I wouldn't have my daughter now if the first pregnancy had gone correctly, but that doesn't lessen the pain of losing a "child". She knows that I lost the first baby and every now and then she'll ask me about it....I am so blessed to have her.

I am very happy to see this open discussion about miscarriage. I had two in 2007 and was floored by the losses. I began writing poetry to try to understand the experience. The poetry evolved into a short film that I am producing title, "The House I Keep," about a woman trying to come to terms with a recent miscarriage. I want to not only make a beautiful film with a great story, but use the film as a point of departure for discussion about miscarriage. I came across a quote in my research that has really helped me understand why the experience was so devastating. "There's no cultural mechanism to mourn the loss. People who experience miscarriage often suffer silently in that void." - Family Scientist John DeFrain - For more on the film please visit our site at http://www.TheHouseIKeep.com ...and thanks for posting this article!

Might I add. Don't tell people that you're not sure knew you were pregnant in the first place. People can be too forthright sometimes, and honestly unless I'm close to you, this would not be something I'd want shared with me. Not everyone is big on TMI.

I know when my mom had her miscarriages, it wasn't embarrasment, but the pain of having to tell people that she found hard.

I am glad you wrote this. I suffered my second miscarriage in two months, two weeks ago and I am just crazed about how people treat me and the whole topic. The first miscarriage was in November of 2008 and we had told everyone on earth we were pregnant and we were so excited. We even told our 4 year old to lose the baby one month later. I was devastated but threw all my hopes into quickly getting pregnant again. And we did. In March, I got a positive pregnancy test. So we chose not to tell anyone this time - even close family until we were 8 weeks and not the rest of the world until 12-16 weeks. I had some issues and had to be out of work for a couple of days so I told my bosses- figuring I would rather them know than just be aggravated at my absence. We told no one until 8 weeks. We had a ultra sound, we saw a strong heart beat, I was a nauseous mess so we thought all was happy and healthy. One week after we told our families at Easter, we lost the baby. Now everyone just wants to know whats wrong with me. Am I having tests. Some say... you are not going to try again are you? I am just appalled at the way some people are being. Miscarriage is nothing new and its really emotionally and sometimes physically painful. Some of the people at work have just basically ignored it. Like I was on vacation or something. "How was your time off?" How do you think it was???? I don't know. I think people need to become more comfortable with it. Its a like a death in ones family. You grieve, you cry, you are angry, you work through it and you move on, but never forget. People can deal with death without being weird, so deal with this the same way.

I had a miscarriage with my second child, luckly i didnt have to under go the D&C, It was hard to tell family and friends, i was angry at myself for weeks. About 6 months later we found out we were pregnant again, i was so scared, we didnt tell anyone we were pregnant intil i was 12 weeks, Now we are having a baby BOY due Aug 1st! The doc told me it was natures way of taking care of itself.

many of my friends didn't tell anyone about their pregnancies until well into the second trimester. although i understand their point of view, i also feel that having others around to help you through the pain is needed as well. if something this tragic happened to me, i would want the support of my friends and family, not just the child's father. I wish as a society we could be more open to this topic. just reading other's postings here has made it very clear to me that this happens more often then we realize.

We tell as soon as we know. At least we did with the first two. I had a miscarriage shortly after finding out with my first and because other family memebers had gone through it I am glad we didnt wait. You get a lot of support and others who have been through it that you didnt even know about suddenly are there for you. It helps to grieve when others know why you are hurting. With my daughter I didnt find out I was expecting until I was almost 11 weeks along so we decided to wait until after my ultrasound in a few weeks. We only told close family and people I knew I would be seeing. So in total my mom, his family my sister in law (so brother by extention) and our friends that we see all the time. My best friend and about 4 others. At my ultrasound they thought she had a lemon shaped head. This can mean ALL KINDS of horrible things. So now we had to call/ talk to all these people and tell them, and they waited with us in suspense for over 2 weeks while the HORRIBLE drs office I had drug their feet getting me to a specialist. I finally took matters into my own hands and got in only to find out that she was fine, but they were keeping an eye on things. So I got 3 really cool ultrasounds (3d) and in the end she came out perfect and chunky cheeked, but wow the support I got. It was amazing! YOu need to tell the people that love you, because they love your baby just as much as you do and will understand how you are feeling. Heck they may even feel almost as bad as you do.

We made it to the second trimester before we found out our baby had anencephaly and would not live. We didn't miscarry, but lost the baby all the same.

Thanks for this, it is going on 18 years I lost my first child at six months. It took me 9 years later to have another child and now I am blessed with two wonderful kids. The heart ach one fills of loosing a child is hard to deal with. Still to this day I celebrate my sons birthday which was the day he was born/lost. My children do know they a have an older brother in heaven. Reguardless 6 months or 3 weeks it is your child and your heart hurts. I was fortunate enough to have a moment with him before we said our good byes. Hardest day of my life.