Why Your Infertile Friends May Be Hiding You From Their Facebook Feed

If you've never faced infertility and have never gone through failed infertility treatments you can't say that a woman is reacting childishly to a pregnancy announcement.

Being infertile and finding out that one of your friends is pregnant and didn't have any issues conceiving is absolutely devastating. You're not wishing that they would experience infertility first hand or anything like that, but being upset is the first thing that comes to mind.

Adoption can be a wonderful option for those who can afford it and are willing to take the risk (because not all adoptions end with you getting the child of your dreams), but it isn't for everyone.

Also I hate it when people who can have children tell infertiles to adopt. If that's the answer to our situation why didn't you adopt? Why should we be forced to?

QUOTED: Posted by tina Sat Nov 6, 2010 6:48am PDT
"You know, I'm sure that if some of these people would quit being so selfish, they would realize that adopting a child is just as rewarding,"

So, because people choose NOT to adopt, does that make them selfish? Or is she saying that infertile people are selfish because they choose to de-friend or hide people's newsfeeds on FB? Can someone clarify what Tina was trying to say?

Gawd, any fertile person could read this article and think that all infertile people are crazy jealous maternity ward stalkers. I wonder if the author has any idea of what it's like to be unable to have a baby - infertility HURTS, especially when fertiles scorn us for doing what we have to do to self-preserve.

It is not selfish to not pursue adoption. Those of you who preach about adoption, should go adopt yourself, instead of harshly judging others. Many people desire biological children, whether right or wrong. Perhaps people who can't support children should quit having them and giving them up for adoption or placing them in orphanages. Its not okay to have sex, be irresponsible, then expect others to take your child into their home. That is far more selfish than someone who doesn't want to adopt.

If someone wants to block or delete a friend from their FB profile, then so be it. Some pregnant women enjoy gloating about the fact they can get pregnant, but other women can't. Infertile women are emotionally abused here in the United States, in other countries they are killed by their husband's families.

i don't like this title either. and miss, have you ever faced infertility issues? because if you have, you wouldn't be making statements like that. it's a devastating thing that hits a lot of couples and a lot of times there's nothing you can do about it. it's hurtful to see somebody else get the baby you want so much; especially if the pregnant person is a rotten individual who would make a terrible parent. so don't be so quick to pass judgment on somebody who might act out angrily because once again, somebody else is getting the baby they so desperately want.

I am infertile and have never hid a friend when they become pregnant. It WAS difficult when a relative became pregnant very soon after I found out that I never would, but time helps and so did the realization that there was a fantastic new baby coming. If you are so unhappy that you cannot handle ANY news regarding ANY pregancy news than you need to talk to someone qualified to help you.

I have a condition that causes infertility, and, while I have never particularly wanted children, I think it isn't as simple as just getting over yourself and adopting. Being infertile is a tragedy of giant proportions when it happens to you. You feel like there is something wrong with you, and your body. You feel like less of a woman, because having a baby is a big part of the cultural expectations of women. You worry about what to tell your mother, your sister, your friends. What do you tell men who want to date you? When should you confess your "abnormality"? I think someday, if its something I want to do, I would be glad to adopt. But, getting a child is a separate thing from being able to carry one. Not better or worse, just different.

This is so true!!! I have a friend who has had trouble conceiving and had defriended me, than requested me later, and hasn't commented a "Congrats" on our friend's thread nor commented on any pics.....I already knew she wouldn't since I heard through the grapevine that she feels said friend "Doesn't deserve a baby." I know it's hard but this woman has taken it to a whole different level....

I have fertility issues and it's just not something someone without can understand so I won't attempt it. I am personally thankful for facebook pregnancy announcements because it gives me time to put my 'game face' on for that friend. I don't want to make them feel bad and I want to be happy for them, but I need my moment to deal before I see them to congratulate them, facebook gives me that.

btw just a note to all those women that have friends struggling with infertility issues... unless you have dealt with it and/or have a medical background please keep your advise to yourself. That friend with infertility issues probably has knowledge of fertility that exceeds your own and those silly quote type advise is insulting.

For me, it was hard going to baby showers. Seeing all those cute little clothes and baby items, knowing I would never get to use them on my own little one, made me fight back the tears in front of family and friends. It's a normal reaction. I guess I can understand the same reaction to facebook announcements.

Oh and Miss....it's not all envy, most of it is grief and depression.

You know, I'm sure that if some of these people would quit being so selfish, they would realize that adopting a child is just as rewarding, if not even more so because you're giving someone that's already on the Earth a chance of having a successful life. I understand the wanting a biological child thing, but if you try and it doesn't work in your favor, give a child that's already alive a chance and adopt them.

I'm only 20 years old, & found out by 18 that it wudbe extremely hard for me to get pregnant in the future....@ first hearing this broke my heart & my spirit. What girl wants to hear this aftr graduating high school. I mean I think about it all the time especially when one of my friends around my age gets pregnant. Like now I have 4 friends who have kids already talk about them growing up & posts cute pics of them, then I also hav 3 friends who jus found out there are expecting & posting pics of their sonograms & talking bout names for their babies & I get jealous because I think to myself that I might not get the chance to go through this extraordinary process....& I've cried sumtimes, got mad evrything possible but this article, & some comments are jus ugh....for one Tina its not selfish to want to experience this process, bringing a life into this world, holding that baby in your arms & jus stare into their eyes for awhile & feel love for them like nuthin elsein this world....so unless u kno what is like then u shudnt even post. Yes we understand they are children without parents, but it is harder & exspensive to adopta child now then it was years ago & aftr tht there is still no guarantee that u will actually get a child. So think about tht!!!!

Awww.. women. The sensitive beings...and still manage to come up with an EXTREMELLY insensitive title for this "article"

This is what happens when nobody reviews (or edit) anything before publishing it... I wish I had my 5 minutes back

Omg, exactly how I felt being the only single friend. I was happy for my friends' good news, but so bummed it hadn't happened for me. FB was a good way to get ready to face them in person though. I could have a good cry, and then share my genuine happiness for them without having them know how hard it was for me.

Miss, I'm sorry that to you it seems like immature behavior, but to those of us who are infertile and have to see friends status updates about their pregnancies on a daily basis, it's a matter of self preservation in a way. Sometimes I have to completely ignore those posts because if I don't, then I might just break down. And you're absolutely correct in saying that I probably need psychological help, because it's a very difficult, traumatic thing to go through.

The day I found out I couldn't have anymore kids is the same day that one of my friends had a baby, and within the next week there were 2 more birth announcements and 5 others announced their pregnancies. There are no words to describe how horrible that was for me. I'm not one that hides those friends, but believe me, I've thought about it. I'm certainly excited for my friends and their good news, but at the same time it's heartbreaking.

And Michelle is absolutely right...if you have never dealt with infertility, please don't try and offer any advice, or 'helpful' tips like "Just relax!" We know that you're trying to offer your support the only way you know how, and the sentiment truly is appreciated, but sometimes it really is okay to just say "I'm sorry", or "I wish there was some way I could help". You don't even have to say anything at all, sometimes just a shoulder to cry and a hug is helpful.

Yes, it's all true - having struggled for many years before (thankfully) finally getting pregnant (tried from age 19 to 31) I can attest to the fact that I lost many friends and even family because I just couldn't deal with the 'pregnancy news' ..... I understand both sides now but believe me - I remember the infertile time as if it were yesterday.

So, what do they do when they see a pregnant celebrity on the front page at a grocery store? Do they throw a fit for seeing it while standing in line buying their tampons? Sounds like these envious "friends" need psychological help. An insensitive title indeed. Along with extremely insecure and immature behavior.

Wow, what an insensitive title!