OnlineShopping_CreditCard_3By Jill Smokler
Author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy
Once I landed my book deal, I had visions of becoming a writer. I would camp out at Starbucks and nurse my cup of coffee while typing furiously on my laptop. I would slave away through the early morning hours, burning the midnight oil because inspiration struck. I would be driven and dedicated and productive. Or, not…
Sadly, my process looked more like this:
Walk the dog, make the lunches, pack the bags, get the kids dressed, drive them to school, and come back home.
Open up the computer and write a sentence.
Suddenly, see an e-mail alert. Know I should ignore it, but what if it's important? It would be irresponsible not to at least check it.
See that it's a Groupon. Maybe not vital, but certainly time sensitive. I debate for five minutes if saving $13 at a restaurant I've never planned on eating at is worth it. I decide that, indeed, it is.
Purchase the Groupon.
Tap nails on the keyboard while waiting for the credit card to clear.
Crack a nail. Dammit.
Head upstairs for nail file and pass a towel on the floor.
The towel reminds me that I have laundry in the washing machine which needs to be dried.
Put laundry in dryer.
Empty lint tray.
Take lint into bathroom to throw away and glance in the mirror. Shit, when did my eyebrows start looking like that?
Pluck. Pluck. Pluck.
Study face. Is that really what I look like?
Note to self: Invest in some wrinkle cream, STAT.
Wrinkle cream is expensive. Need to make money. Ahhh, the book. Have to write the book to get the money. Crap.
Go downstairs and stare at previously written sentence. Doesn't seem so genius upon reflection. Delete it.
Write another one.
And another one.
Watch me go! I'm in the zone.
Was that noise my stomach? Yes, it was. Suddenly, I'm starving and can't possibly concentrate.
What do I want to eat? Maybe I'll go on to Twitter for some lunch ideas; I haven't been there all day.
Get sucked into the Twitter abyss for 15 minutes. Head starts to pound. Need food.
Make a turkey sandwich and use the last slice of bread.
How do I need more bread already? Jot down a note to stop at the store on the way to get the kids.
Check the fridge and pantry to see what else we're low on. Quite a bit, it seems.
Rewrite list on larger piece of paper. Bread, milk, paper towels, laundry detergent and Cheerios.
Need drink with lunch. Open soda. Put can into recycling and notice it's overflowing.
Take out recycling.
Notice plants are dying and water them, reflecting on what a terrible idea plants are for a mother of three.
Sit back down at the computer with soda and sandwich.
Realize it's been five days since last blog post.
Attempt to start a post.
Go back to the chapter.
Comment, comment, comment.
Bounce between post and book for nearly an hour, completing neither one. Notice that it's time to leave to get the kids and I missed my window to grocery shop. How did that happen?
Still have no chapter, no blog post and now no food.
Vow to be more productive tomorrow.
How this book got written is beyond me.
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