How much do you ask the world to conform to your special needs or the special needs of a loved one? Do you know that parents often start training their children at preschool age to know what they are and are not capable of? I would hate to tell those parents how many times a child in my daycare was doing everything they could to let their parents know that they were more capable than expected. It's common to want to protect your child, even if they aren't labeled as "special needs". However, there are times when you do more damage than good by limiting what your child is responsible for.
Lose the word "can't". Spend the day talking about your child without using the word "can't". You'll soon find out how many limits you put on your child's abilities. There are situations when that term applies, but it is all too easy to use it more often than it's really called for. For instance, a child once told me he "can't" control his anger because he has Asperger's. That is a false statement, but one he had heard his parents use often.
Realize that the world isn't going to change for each individual. We all have our own issues even if we aren't labeled with them. If you want your child to be a nonconformist, that's totally up to you. If you want your child to find ways to adapt to the world, again it's up to you. What you just can't realistically demand is that the world change for every special need. Humanity should express kindness for anyone but expect everyone to be responsible for his or her behavior. This is something you alone are responsible for teaching your child, no matter their challenges.
Don't assume that your child is always innocent. I have dealt with so many parents that were so focused on the special needs of the child that they forgot that he or she was a child and is going to act in childish ways. Again, this might be a case when you need to remove words from your vocabulary. If every incident with your child is met with "He is special needs" from you, you're giving him or her a free pass to behave however they like. Keep in mind that sometimes kids are just being kids pushing the limits.
More from this contributor…
How Kids Translate What You Say
Source: Personal Experience
