When Less Romance is More

Spontaneous getaways and supersize bouquets settle squabbles in rom-coms and other fantasy realms, but in the real world, romantic gestures aren't cure-alls for relationship woes. In fact, unromantic gestures can be the better salve. Because couples are marrying later and living together before they do, continual improvement of the partnership is more important (and effective) than quick fixes, says Lisa Thomas, a licensed marriage therapist in Colorado. Nobody is suggesting romance be killed off completely - far from it. It's just smart to add these unconventional strengtheners into the happy-couple mix.
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Photo by: Istockphoto
The convention: Solid couples gush - and vent - about each other to their friends.
The counter: Blabbing too much can make your relationship feel like a reality show. When Sheila Dichoso, 29, of Los Angeles, started dating her now-fiancé, she told her friends everything, good and bad. But those spill fests can weaken his trust and put pressure on the couple's every move, says Thomas. Sheila soon resolved to keep mum about ... more
Photo by: Istockphoto
The convention: Solid couples gush - and vent - about each other to their friends.
The counter: Blabbing too much can make your relationship feel like a reality show. When Sheila Dichoso, 29, of Los Angeles, started dating her now-fiancé, she told her friends everything, good and bad. But those spill fests can weaken his trust and put pressure on the couple's every move, says Thomas. Sheila soon resolved to keep mum about her relationship. 'Now it's like we have our own fun, private world,' she says.
The realistic approach: Pick one person to confide in, says Thomas. Sheila's is her older sister. 'She knows both of us, so when we have problems, she tells me when I'm the one who's being a jerk!' she says. In which case, a small romantic gesture might be just the thing.
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