"I am ready this year. I was ready last year. So where is he? Why isn't my soul mate here yet?" my beautiful and fashionable attorney friend asked me last week over lychee martinis .
"You may not like this question," I said. "But I have to ask. You say you're open and available but are you sure that you're ready for love? I mean really ready?" My reply both annoyed her and gave her reason to think. There have been several times where I thought that my front door was wide open to love but my heart was locked.
Sometimes it seems like as soon as our favorite celebs break up they are remarrying or coupled up with someone else. They go from relationship to relationship wondering why it doesn't work out. We do the same in our lives as well. We move on to a new love before our boo-boos have fully healed from the old loves. Then there are those of us who think that we're ready for love and wonder why the right one is not beating a path to our doorstop.
This is why I am an advocate of women taking a single year retreat from our relationship obsession. Not wanting to be lonely is not the same thing as being mentally, emotionally and spiritually ready for love. Never mind what the TV matchmakers, armchair therapists and other blabbermouths have to say. Before you plunge into that next relationship ask yourself, am I really ready for love? And if you think that you are, make sure that you don't have hidden love blockers standing in the way of your happiness.
5 Ways to get ready for mind-blowing, passionate love:
1. Clear the old love clutter.
Are you bringing emotional clutter: your old wounds, mistrust and hurts, into the new relationship? Maybe take a short course of therapy to clear up any lingering resentments. We all need a tune up from time to time.
What about all of that physical clutter: old love baggage from your exes? The stuff. How many love memories good and bad are lurking under your bed? Clear the old to make room for the new. A great resource that I just discovered for an engagement ring and wedding dress I need to toss is I Do Now I Dont. It's like an eBay for the forlorn. Sell the jeweled remnants of your relationship and then donate the cash.
2. Feng Shui for coupledom.
Now that you've cleared the baggage you're on the right path. Is your living space ready for love? Would another person feel comfortable staying with you in your space? How about your photos and art work? If the pictures on your walls all reflect single individuals, even you, get rid of them. Get some art and photos of couples up. Start sleeping on one side of the bed to leave the room for your love who is on the way. An make sure that there is a night table ready for this new love-to-be.
3. Make yourself available.
If you are waiting for the love of your life to walk across your living room while you're watching "Real Housewives" you're in for a rude awakening. Put yourself out there. Let your friends and co-workers know that you are open to blind dates and hook ups. Cruise a few dating sites to see who's there. Take a new profile photo and dip your toes in the water.
4. Re-language your love life.
Affirm that love is coming into your life. If you're always talking about how there are no good men and all the good ones are taken, you're right. At least you are right for yourself since that's what you are affirming. Be willing to see things differently. Affirm, "I am willing to know that my perfect love is getting ready for me." Some of my favorite affirmations for love are: "I am a magnet for my perfect, loving match" and "Love surrounds me every day in every way." Yeah, baby.
5. The single year.
Relationship hopping is not cute. It clouds up your mind, body, spirit and bed. Trust your personal Lifestyle Passionista. That's why I advocate that women take a full single woman's Passionista Year, 12 months of the solo life where you are living, laughing, loving and dating without expecting every date to be the one. Relax and enjoy. This is supposed to be fun!
And there you have it. You don't paint your walls before priming them. Before you move a new love into your life make sure that your heart is primed, open and ready. As I always say, be good. And if you can't be good, be safe.
You should also read:
Love in London: day trip planner
Breakup lines for when it's over
Picnic & wine summer date idea
