Everyone has a way of trying to get something they really want in a relationship. For some it's to talk things out, for others it's to nag. Some play games while others go right for ultimatums. If you're one of those who opts for the latter, you may find that things don't go the way you want. There are several reasons that issuing ultimatums in a relationship is a horrible idea.
It puts him on the defensive
The instinct of almost anyone who is on the receiving end of an ultimatum is to go on the defensive. He won't be interested in solving the problem at hand, just to shut you down and get his way. Give an ultimatum and you'll likely be dealing with a very standoffish attitude from a guy who is not very willing to cooperate.
He makes a decision out of fear, not want
An acquaintance once told me she gave her guy an ultimatum that he would either give her an engagement ring or she'd be officially single. Giving an ultimatum is one of the worst things you can do to your guy, your relationship and yourself. If he gives into the ultimatum, it's likely only because he's afraid of losing you, not because he actually wants to. Why would you want your guy to do something he doesn't want or isn't ready to do?
He might resent you later on
Your guy might seem like he came to the decision all on his own, but he may resent you for it in the future anyway. Don't be surprised if he starts to tell you that you forced him into it and he blames you for anything that happened to him afterward.
It puts doubt in the back of your mind
If it's a major decision, such as getting engaged or moving to a new location, you're always going to have a doubt in the back of your mind that he made the decision only because you gave him an ultimatum. Depending on what the ultimatum was regarding, it can severely affect your relationship without you even realizing it.
It puts you in an unflattering light
Issuing ultimatums doesn't exactly portray you in the best light and that's not something your guy will forget about anytime soon. You can also expect that he's going to lose some respect for you. Communication is important in a relationship, but throwing out ultimatums isn't the way to go about getting what you want.
You lower your chances of getting what you want
A guy is less likely to go along with your ultimatum and more inclined to be spiteful and do exactly the opposite. If you want something from your guy, there's so many more - and better - ways to go about it than to essentially order him.
Don't issue an ultimatum if you're not prepared to walk away from your guy. People don't usually react well when backed into a corner, so his reaction may not be one you expect or want. Find a different way to talk to him and get your feelings across and you'll increase your chances of getting what you want.
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