Women as a whole have to get rid of the romanticism ideas on marriage. There! I've said it and I'm prepared to back it up. Now, we've all heard about the "Bridal Blues", where you feel an overwhelming letdown after your big day. It is attributed to the months, or years, of planning all for something that is over in the blink of an eye and then it's back to everyday living. In fact an article in Time, "Postnuptial Depression: What Happens the Day After," explains what it is about and how to combat it. But what help is out there for the rest of us who are having "Post-anniversarial Depression" or simply feeling discontent with the romance faltering at any time in our relationship?
Forget Most Self-Help Books, Marriage Seminars
It might seem contradictory but too much analyzing of your relationship, based on what everyone else feels a romantic or passionate relationship should be, can cause more harm than good. Honestly think about how many times you did not care about something your husband did or didn't do, until you heard from other women the reasons why you should. Which brings us to the next tip on getting rid of your romanticism ideas in marriage.
Stop the Competition With FriendsThe one thing you should analyzing is what does really matter to you and why it matters so much. For example, do you really want him to buy you flowers every week because of the way it makes you feel; or do you just want fresh flowers on the table and be able to tell your friends that he gets them? If it's because of the romance, then isn't it more romantic when he's spontaneous about it; rather than robotic? If it's the latter, think about how you'd be able to pick out prettier and fresher ones that match your decor perfectly; you'll still have the envy of friends that you always have a beautiful table.
Pick Your Battles With HimOnce you have decided on the things that really do mean romance to you, approach your husband about it lovingly. Say, "What really turns me on is when you bring me red roses and my favorite chocolates. It always puts me in the mood, especially when you remember the wine too." Then, when he does bring these items home, show him how much you appreciate it. Do not make excuses, whether they're true or not, about being too tired or stressed. Suck it up and do something new or adventurous in the bedroom that night. Believe me, he'll start to see the "romance" in the whole scenario as well. If you truly do not feel in the mood and can't do anything, the gesture must not be that "romantic" to you in the first place. Cross it off your list and pick something else to ask him for.
Never Give Up on Spicing it UpMy grandmother gave me two pieces of advice in my wedding night. My husband's favorite was the good old-fashioned "Have sex with your husband every night and you'll get what you want without a fight." She also talked to me about that it is a complete myth that a good marriage means that you'll be in love all the time. In fact, sometimes you may not even like each other. People change and grow and sometimes grow apart. The good relationships are the ones where both of you realize that the love is still there, underneath the muck of everyday stresses. It's there waiting for one of you to bring it back out.
So, think back to the one moment or the little ones that made you realize how much you adored your man. The goofiest things make us fall in love. In order to completely get rid of the romanticism ideas in marriage simply realize that it's the smallest, and sometimes most unromantic things by today's standards, that can make us fall in love again.
Reference:Time: Postnuptial Depression: What Happens the Day After
Additional Reading:How to Build a House and Home as Newlyweds
Straightforward advice on how to start concentrating on your marriage immediately after the wedding.
Want to put some real fun and spice in your marriage? Forget paying for a high price retreat and plan one yourself with some coupled friends.