Fashion That Makes Us Sad on Shine

Fashion that makes us sad: $18 ripped socks

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I'm not sure exactly when it happened (the 1980s? earlier?), but at some point ripped clothing became cool. Whether it's torn stockings, ripped jeans, or now, shredded leggings, something about "accidental" holes in garments is edgy, and makes it look like you don't care.…

Fashion that makes us sad: Bruce Willis naked, with his toenails painted red

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Sometimes I peer at something in the world and I feel like Lisa Kudrow's dorky, out-of-touch character from the short-lived HBO show "The Comeback," specifically the way she would run into weird situations and balk, "I don't need to see THAT!"

Because, truthfully, I don't need to see some things and, especially, I do not need to see Bruce Willis having a mid-life crisis, marrying a decades younger woman, and posing for a magazine with said woman while naked with his toenails painted.

Michelle Obama, I love you, but you're bringing me down...

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As many of you have pointed out, we here at Shine are a bit overly eager and quick to praise Mrs. Obama's usually impeccable style. So, it seems only fair to point out her occasional sartorial misses, too. And what a miss this is. I actually feel afraid of the outfit our first lady wore yesterday. Granted, she wasn't attending anything official, was just sightseeing in London alone, and one could argue that on her days off, Mrs. Obama can wear whatever the heck she wants.

But I just can't argue that.

Fashion that makes us sad: This $3,000 bikini

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I know. You're sick of hearing about rich people and their worthless, expensive stuff. And I'm sorry to do this to you, but...OH MY GOD. SERIOUSLY? This bathing suit, which to my eye resembles a combination sports bra/bedazzled jockstrap, will be sold by Selfridges in London for the low, low price of $2,986. It's designed by a company called Pistol Panties (sigh) and made from 5,000 Swarovski crystals. Also? You can't swim in it. So it's more of a lounging-around piece that's built from tiny rocks. It's a jewel-kini! Imagine how that feels on...

Fashion that makes us sad: This thing

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We're not sure where Paris Hilton obtained such an outfit, but here she is.

Please write a caption in the comments. [Jossip]

Fashion that Makes Us Sad: The saddest moments of 2008

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The inaugural year of Shine's Fashion That Makes Us Sad was rife with both moments of genuine hilarity and deep, deep despair. The scary fashion innovations, startling celeb ensembles, and downright gross beauty blunders were seemingly unending—and we were constantly grateful to have a...

Fashion that makes us sad: Jessica Alba's perfect body airbrushed to something skinnier

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The Daily Mail is reporting this morning that, in her new ads for Campari, the gorgeous, sexy, semi-real-looking actress Jessica Alba's body was airbrushed to appear small-waisted, big-boobed and essentially like my a first Barbie doll. Or a rib-less woman wearing a torture-device corset. Or a comic-book heroine. Or basically nothing like an actual, walking-on-the-planet now female form. After the jump, check out the before and after ads. It seems photo retouchers slimmed down Alba's thighs, chin, waist and added more makeup to her face and flesh to her boobs. Sigh.

Fashion That Makes Us Sad: These shoes

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So, the Spring 2009 fashion shows continue this week in Europe and, man, things are getting even weirder. Case in point: The Huffington Post has a slideshow this morning of the "exotic" footwear being shown on the runways. Among the awesome creations are sneakers that tie up to your crotch, satin espadrille boots, see-through man shoes and, my favorite of all...

Fashion That Makes Us Sad: Grown women and the high, side ponytail

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All summer long—in addition to rompers and tall, cage-like gladiator sandals—I've been pondering a questionable trend that seems to be everywhere: The high side ponytail. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of the ponytail, even the low, swept-to-the-side style. But this high, 80s-rollerskating version terrifies me, especially on anyone old enough to vote. In just the past week, I have seen SIX such looks. Three HSP's on teenagers, two on hipsters and, one on (ACCCK!) a 50-something woman. The problem with this hairstyle, at least for me, is it's completely infantilizing. So, on a grown-ass woman it looks like crazy-town, akin to Baby Jane's curls, a loopy old hippie lady's scrunchy-wrapped pigtails or when...

Fashion That Makes Us Sad: The Olsen twins' possibly classist, definitely tacky, all-plaid party

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This is one of those stories that's not worth a lot of attention, but just enough to say: I hate it when rich people think it's fun/funny to dress up like they're poor. I hate it in trust fund New York hipsters, I hate it in bratty-elite high school kids, but I especially detest it in celebrities who are worth billions. There are these photos floating around the internet of one of the Olsen twins and a bunch of her friends (including Nicole Richie) wearing flannel shirts and shredded black tights hanging out in some mansion, drinking bad beer, smoking cigarettes and...