Work It Mom on Shine

Working Moms: Is spending time with your child more important than making time for yourself?

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I went in to work crazy-early yesterday, so that I could leave crazy-early and meet up with an old friend whom I hadn't seen in far too long. A coworker stopped by my desk as I was packing up, and so I explained what was going on. She gasped. "You're... actually doing something FOR YOURSELF?"

I immediately felt a little guilty. And sheepish. Until I looked her in the eye and saw that she was actually cheering me on.

Dear whoever makes those cleaning product commercials: You're doing it wrong

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I try to watch what my kids watch, which means that the commercials I sit through are geared mostly either to kids (Toys! Games! Candy!) or to moms (Body wash! Convenience foods! Cleaning products!). Or, I should say, "moms," because really, a commercial pitched to directly me, and most of the working moms I know, would involve wine and sleep.

The commercials for cleaning products bug me the most, because they just seem completely unrealistic. I mean, really -- who takes time away from their work-life juggle to wipe down an already pristine living room? I'm looking at you, makers of a certain multi-surface cleaner, the commercial for which caught my eye the other morning. A woman, in a glass cage filled with already-clean kitchen appliances and cabinets, quips that she doesn't have time to clean because she has to go pick up her kids, but is able to wipe up a few smudges and smears without having to use several different cleaners. After she's done, the place looks exactly the same, but she looks tired and relieved.

I don't know about you, but my housework workload would not be significantly reduced by not having to switch cleaning products while dusting my bookshelves.

Can you really save money with coupons?

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I started clipping coupons when I was a dirt-poor college student, having to decide whether to spend an extra 60 cents on a couple of packages of Ramen noodles or use that money for bus fare to get to work. (Sounds terribly dramatic, but it's true. It was Syracuse, N.Y., and it was worth going without dinner in order to avoid a three-mile walk home in the snow at night). Back then, the quarters I scraped together went a long way -- a couple of coupons could yield savings equal to the amount needed to wash a load of laundry -- and so the sorting and clipping was definitely worth my time.

I still clip coupons, but now it's more an exercise in frugality, as well as a challenge to see how little I can pay for the things I usually buy anyway. Every once in a while I hit a jackpot -- a buy-one-get-one free item for which I have coupons, for instance -- and I find myself wondering: What if I did this all the time? Can you really save that much money with coupons?

Kathy Spencer says yes. And she can help teach you how.

The Boxford, Massachusetts mom spends less than $10 a week to feed her family of six -- plus several pets.

Hindsight is 20/20: What would you tell your younger self?

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I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, mostly about my career. I started working as a journalist when I was 16 -- I mean working for pay, as opposed to on the school paper or something -- and I pursued my career goals with a single-mindedness that surprises me today, in retrospect.

I didn't really have a mentor, 15 or 20 years ago. I could have used one -- as a young woman, as a woman of color, as a journalist, as a professional. I could have used a primer on office politics (who couldn't?), some guidance on setting goals, a reminder that work-life balance is important even when the only think on the "life" side of the equation is yourself.

Here's some advice -- career or otherwise -- I wish I could tell my younger self:

How do you keep your kids' toys organized?

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We just got back from a road trip and, after several days in my uncle and aunt's pristine, gorgeously decorated, child-free home, I have to admit that my own house…

Are you OK with your husband's "work wife"?

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My husband has several wives. Me, of course. But he also has a wife who is his dietitian for the medical study he's involved in, and another who sits just a few feet away from him at the office -- his work wives.

There's no flirting involved; his dietitian is engaged, and his work wife has been happily married for years, with kids who are grown and out on their own. And though my husband and I work for the same company (and have since long before we were married), at the office, for the most part, we are married to each other but I am not his work spouse.

How does your husband's work-life balance affect yours?

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I think that one of the reasons my own work-life balance is so awful is that my husband's is nearly nonexistent.

He's a multimedia editor, which often keeps him up editing video until the wee hours of the morning or has him out covering events at night or on weekends. I'm a newspaper editor by day who juggles a freelance writing career at night. We work for the same company, and we're parenting the same five kids. But he's dealing with a wrinkle that I don't: As a man, no one really expects him to be struggling with work-life balance.

Can working moms hope to find work-life balance in a recession?

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It's no secret that working moms are under a great deal of pressure. Work It, Mom!'s recent survey of 400 breadwinning mothers found that 73 percent worked full-time outside the home, and 68 percent found it stressful -- with many becoming resentful of having to support their households. The recession isn't making it any easier.

5 non-financial ways to help a friend who's lost her job

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The axe is falling at my company right now, as it is at many, many others across the country. Understatement: This is a stressful time.

While I sit here with my fingers crossed and my heart in my throat, I've been thinking about other friends of mine in other industries who have lost their jobs. I'm hardly in a position to help much, given my own precarious situation. Or am I?

Support doesn't have to involve money, and you don't have to be in a position to hire in order to help someone else get back on their feet. Here are five simple things you can do to help a friend who has been laid off: