3 Ways to Ace a Job Interview

This, in no way, explains how to ace a job interview... These 3 suggestions are EXPECTED in order to have a mediocre interview.

What ever happened to - Can the person just perform the job at hand? All this other stuff is crazy.

During the interview, try to stay focused and keep smiling at the interviewer, even though they're fat, reek of b/o and say, "the owner of the company verbally abuses the employees on a daily basis . . .do you think you would be able to handle that?" Your response "I can handle all sorts o difficult situations . . .sign me on". LMFAO.

After the interview, you get in your car and mutter all kinds of expletives to yourself about the interviewer. Awesome.

Dress nice and smile at all time also get the job too. But sometime its who you know or like you will get you the job. I know for a facts is that when I get interview with a woman then I never get the job but if with a man then I get the job...lol

Change your last name to Hernandez or Martinez

Brush your teeth or at least mask your normal pickle breath with a mint.

Forget about the interview to get you that job, there's an app for that!!

Laying out photos of your interviewer having an affair is the BEST way to get the job. You don't even have to be qualified.

Don't even bother going....you're not going to get it anyway! Embrace despair and continue on your downward spiral into oblivion.

If the interviewer is a woman walk in with your zipper down and wink at her nodding toward your open fly.

Mini skirt and heels, skip the panties.

Have Obummer make out your resume!

Best way to get a job is to eliminate the other candidates. - Rambo

These are a few more specifics I give:
1. Treat absolutely everyone, including the person sitting next to you and the janitor, as an interviewer, and assume that person is evaluating your behavior (because that could be the case!)
2. Many times companies are looking for someone who is PLEASANT and STABLE emotionally. Sit up straight, look around, and be very interested, but calm and smile.
3. When communicating, look the person in the eye CONSTANTLY, not just when you're talking, and when there is a natural pause in the conversation, DON’T fill it with nervous laughter or talking of any kind. Answer their questions, and wait patiently for the next one. The ability to sit through silence (which can be VERY anxiety-provoking) is a good way to demonstrate patience, stability, openness to supervision as well as thoughtfulness, etc. This is very difficult to do, so you just keep taking slow, even breaths, even though it seems like it’s your responsibility to talk. If the interviewer needs you to say something, he/she will ask!
4. Be very pleasant, social, and positive with all of the other candidates. Sound hopeful for them and their prospects. Don't "nod along" and "fill in the silence" with them either. Listen and communicate carefully. These can be "coworker" plants who are actually interviewing you.
5. Don’t let anyone elicit strong opinions about anything (like while waiting, etc.) Again, these folks can be "plants." Just be very pleasant/positive about everything ("love the furniture/art!"), and make your mind up about the position AFTER you leave.
6. Be constantly positive about your future, wanting to start the position, and learning the new job. Don’t sound negative about whatever they might describe! You can acknowledge any challenges either you or they might have, and then say you're looking forward to meeting them!
7. If the position is presented as LOTS of work with dreary aspects that many people find difficult, then you should sound like that’s EXACTLY the kind of challenge you’ve been hoping for! Be excited about the position, even if later you decide it’s not for you. You can’t turn them down if they don’t offer you the position first!
8. You should investigate the position's aspects in as much detail as necessary so you can choose between that position and another one (or not at all).
9. Make sure you tell yourself, “This is going to be fun!” (rather than OMG!)
10. Have someone ask you some interview questions, and practice giving an “elevator speech” (1-minute pithy description) of your background and interests so that they will remember you. This might be required in a brief introduction among all of the interviewees, or walking down the hall between appointments, for example. Then be prepared to do it again! Also be prepared with a slightly longer (3-minute) elevator speech of your specific interests, abilities, and strengths. If you don’t have a friend, write out these 2 speeches and practice giving them in front of a mirror.
11. Also practice answering fake questions and being “still” afterwards (don’t nod and agree to the other person’s responses, for example – just be open) while you wait for the next question. "Open" means keep your shoulders open and elbows to the side (not crunched up), and you can hook your fingers, but don't wring them. If you cross your legs, don't face the interviewer so he/she can see up your dress (women)!, and don't shake your leg! Don't tighten your legs together, and and BE SURE if you cross your legs, you open up your upper body so that your body doesn't look closed off.
12. Finally, look down on yourself as if you were judging the candidate for this position. Would you be a good (the best) choice? If you have doubts, adjust before the interview until you LOOK LIKE the best choice!

80% bulltwinkie, 15% bite your tongue about your former employer's abuse when asked, 10% smile and act excited about the prospect of actually working for this company that pays you in layered gum

"Dress the part" ensure that you dress as if you were employed the the organization.

nowadays?
1. be under 40
2.be model slim
3.be cute
because for some jobs,experience and work ethic don't matter if you aren't eye candy.

for some reason, when a woman interviews me.. i NEVER get the job! But always get a job when a man is interviewing. Women who interview, will always chose a man over a woman. They are threatened by other intelligent women, instead of supporting them. Doomed!!!

this is totally gay!

Be sure - you really wont to work in this company for several years...! If not - you will never get it.