michele zipp long hairEveryone has an opinion, right? On everything. Which is great. But there are some things people should just keep to themselves sometimes. And one of those "sometimes" is when discussing a woman's hair. Or really, commenting on a lady's locks when she didn't even ask. Of course it's done to women with short hair as well -- these less than polite words that make you feel worse than a perm gone wrong (been there).
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I have long hair and heard many, many not-so-nice things that make me wish my hair was made of leather so I can whip some sense into those who say mean things -- had some friends dish some hair-raising things that were said to them, too. So I feel like a good authority to share with you the things you should never say to a woman with long hair. Along with some possible responses.
1. You would look prettier/younger if your hair was shorter. Wow, that's really sweet of you to say. You would be much more attractive if you didn't speak.
2. Long hair just attracts rapists. Okay, so this is like saying I am asking for something terrible to happen to me because I have long hair. I have heard that attackers feel they can pull a woman's long hair but I'm also not going to live my life in constant fear of being attacked. (And way to scare a woman!)
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3. Long hair is dangerous to babies since it can get wrapped around fingers, toes .... Thank you for caring about the welfare of my child, but I got this. Just like a boiling pot of water could really hurt my baby, too, I will take the proper precautions to make sure my hair doesn't get wrapped in the wrong places. Or maybe I should cut my hair and never boil water again! In fact, I should remove the stove!
4. Your husband must get annoyed by all your hair in the drain. Nothing a little Drano can't fix. Don't you wish all "annoyances" can be cleared up with something in a bottle? Oh wait ....
5. Do you ever get it stuck in your butt crack? This is like asking if I use sex toys for the butt. That's kind of private information.
6. It's all dead on the ends and looks unhealthy, you should cut it. You look pretty today, too.
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7. Women over the age of 30 shouldn't have long hair. Oh really? What else shouldn't women over the age of 30 no longer be doing? Maybe all over 30s should just hide in their homes because only younger people have certain privileges.
8. Long hair kind of makes you look like a haggard old witch. No response needed here. We long hairs should just cast a spell on this meanie.
9. Your face is too round/long/oval to have long hair. I exist to defy shapes and proportions.
10. It's hiding your face too much, you should pull it back or cut it. Maybe I just don't want you looking at me.
11. Do you keep it long because your husband likes it like that? Yes, yes I do because I am a subservient wifey and my every move and decision is based on what my husband wants. (Barf.)
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12. Why bother having it long if you wear it up most of the time anyway? Clearly, you don't understand variety. I do wear it down, too. And why is this even your concern?
13. Modern women wear their hair short these days. Oh but I'm a witch remember? I'm heading to Salem to get burned at the stake -- hell, I'm over 30 and my drains are all clogged, so I shouldn't be living anyway.
Do you have long hair and have heard these comments, too? What annoys you the most about what people say about or to women with long hair?
Image via Michele Zipp
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