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    How waiters judge you (and how to use it to your advantage)














    Every time you sit down at a restaurant you’re being sized up. It’s called “reading a table” and wait staff at fine dining and chain restaurants alike are trained in the technique, according to the The Wall Street Journal.

    Beyond flair, and memorizing specials, a good waiter can anticipate the needs of a customer at a glance. At chain restaurants around the country that's what they're being trained to do. Servers at Denny's, T.G.I Fridays, and Romano's Macaroni Grill are now taught to pay closer attention to the subtle  gestures and understated remarks of their customers. The goal for servers is twofold: give the customer a better dining experience by predicting their needs, and ultimately get a bigger tip.

    More: 15 secrets your waiter won't tell you

    Some obvious signals servers are trained to look out for: Chatty, friendly parties who make eye contact with each other and their server. They’re more likely to be receptive to cocktail and dessert menus. They also might want a little personality and conversation from their waitstaff.  A table of suits on the other hand, may get an all-business order-taker with an attention to getting food to the table on time.

    At kid-friendly restaurants child psychology comes into play. If a kid hates greens, the waiter may tell the kitchen to drop the garnish on their burger. Come dessert, they discretely hand the menu to the table's resident mom to avoid any squeals or screams from the littlest diners. Clearly, mom's the "Alpha" at a family table, and "Alpha's" get the best attention from waiters, since they're considered the mood-setters for the group.


    Before you think you’re “unreadable,” here’s a question: has anyone ever asked if you want your salad dressing on the side or if you have any allergies? You may be what one table-waiting blogger calls the “control freak”.

    “This person has to play waiter, chef, and GM,” writes the restaurant industry insider under the pseudonym Teleburst. “This person can’t let the chef design a recipe without modifying it somehow.” If you look perturbed by the menu or rattle off a lot of requests and questions for your simple order, your waiter may try to soothe you by asking for direction on all aspects of your order. That doesn’t mean he or she really cares or is paying that much attention.

    “Reading a table requires that you somehow get into the head of the guest,” writes Teleburst on his blog about the server industry.

    Now that you know you’re being read, how can you use it to your advantage? Take a few tips from the pros.

    Dress up for a fast service: In waiter-speak, a dress, a pair of slacks and an early reservation mean efficiency is required. Whether or not you’ve got a movie to catch, the signal you’re sending is ‘buttoned-up’.

    For special attention at a large table, make the reservation: Servers look for the “alpha” of every table—the one who booked the table, took control of the drinks order, or leads the conversation. He or she is likely, if not to pick up the check, then to have the most sway over how people feel about their meals, and ultimately, the tip.

    Read more: waitress seeks revenge on bad tipper, plan backfires

    For the biggest pour of a shared bottle of wine, grab the drinks menu first: That tells your server you’re paying attention to what’s in your glass. and they're likely to pour for you first every time the bottle comes around .


    For top-notch service: It all depends on what your looking for from your dining experience. According to the Journal's research, a “moody” customer who isn’t easily won over by server banter will likely get a most timely, detailed oriented service. Telling the waiter the meal was "okay" also suggests a passive-aggressive dissatisfaction that can lead to an "on the house" bonus.  On the other hand, a laid-back customer who enjoys a tableside chat with their server may not get the same speediness but according to  bloggers, they’re the gold standard. Winning over your server with a little bit of sugar can lock in your table  for the long haul during peak hours.  It could even translate in a heavier wine pour or a little something extra as a thank you from your server. Psychology aside, good karma goes a long way.

    Related:

    Is 15 percent a bad tip?

    Customers waiters hate

    Tales of the worst waiters

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    • U  •  2 months ago
      Worked food / service jobs before going into white collar big firm law jobs....
      I always judge people on how they treat the people serving them. If you treat a server poorly, you are a classless d*bag, and you're probably cheap (USED mercedes anyone????)
      • Rooster 2 months ago
        Very true, if you can't treat people with respect you're a POS
      • Oscar 1 month 20 days ago
        point of sale?
    • Big Bob  •  2 months ago
      Great Service= GREAT TIP
      Bad Service= NO TIP
      Afterall that is why you go out to eat isn't it , to get served..and i've had my share of both kinds...
      • lisa435 2 months ago
        Hmm, I wonder if you fall under the category of Bad Customer or Great Customer? Because if you've had more than one or two occasions when you felt it was approppriate not to tip, I already know the answer...
      • OldNavy3684 2 months ago
        But you still recieved a service and they need to be paid SOMETHING. Would you not pay a landscaper because you didn't like the job they did?
      • Big Bob 2 months ago
        lisa i pay for service if i don't get it they don't either or maybe you don't get it..
    • Rooster  •  2 months ago
      I always treat my waiter kindly, but why do they have to come over and ask me if everything is ok, when I just took a bite of food....lol
    • Gerard  •  Traverse City, Michigan  •  2 months ago
      This is all a bunch of malarkey. Ihave been a waiter for many years and you take the good with the bad as with any job . Like your job or leave it .As for sizing up the table you have to do what you got to do whether they look good or not you still have to wait on the table .
      • Free To Be Me 2 months ago
        It bugs me that the article says you get better service if you are pretty. I don't think I am pretty at all but don't think that is a reason to not give me good service.
        Although, I don't think that's ever happened. lol Most times if I have had a bad waitress I think she was bad to everyone. And every guy I have had that waited on me has been great.
    • judy b  •  2 months ago
      most waiters/waitresses know for good tips they have to be on top of their game their pay scale sucks so tips are where its at--l know-- l have been there and it is one tough job
    • lastcowboy  •  Phoenix, Arizona  •  2 months ago
      MY MONEY , MY FOOD , JUST DO WHAT YOU GET PAID AND TIPPED FOR .I DON'T NEED SOMEONE THAT CAN "READ" ME, JUST SOMEONE TO GET THE ORDER RIGHT !! LOL
      • Andrew 'Valeric' ... 2 months ago
        Aaaaaand the award for the biggest douche goes to YOU! You're probably one of those people who tip under 10%, and give attitude and snark comments to the waiters/waitresses. They're SERVING you. You show them the utmost respect, or they'll make your dine-in a waiting hell.
    • Dave G  •  Toledo, Ohio  •  2 months ago
      This article ignored how waiters judge a table based on age, gender, and race. It happens.
    • Whatchaknow11  •  2 months ago
      As a customer who has worked in the restaurant business as well as members of my family, here is my take when I dine out, regardless of the type of restaurant.
      I believe in giving at least a 20% tip. I believe a customer has a responsibility to be civil and courteous to waitstaff and treat them as the human beings they are, not a loser who can't get another job. Most of these people are working for a better future using this as a stepping stone. And those who choose this as a career, kudos to them because John Q. Public is HARD to deal with!
      In return, I would like my service to be fast, my coffee served right away and HOT, and the food good. It is not upon the waitstaff to determine what MY schedule is so all customers should be treated the same - as if they have somewhere they have to be on time. It is also not upon the waitstaff to determine my personality. I like my dressing on the side because most restauants pour the whole bottle on and I only like a couple of tablespoons. That does NOT make me a control freak, that makes me trying to take control of what I eat.
      The only intelligent thing said in this article is to allow the parent to make the children's choices-not the waitstaff! It is hard to teach children acceptable behavior in a restaurant so this is an important step.
      Bottom line, you give me what I desire and I give you what you desire - good, prompt, attentive service = at LEAST a 20% tip and gratefullness for a job well done.
    • Dina  •  2 months ago
      I would have more respect for this article if there weren't about 10 spelling & grammatical errors.
    • don b  •  Phoenix, Arizona  •  2 months ago
      This article is a load of crap. I worked at one of the resturants mentioned, for $2.14/hr. The manager hid in the ofc, the other servers would never lift a finger to help you or each other. The only goal of the resturant was to get you to do the most work, then pay you almost nothing for having done it. Sizing up customers was the last thing a server had time to think about, if at all.
    • Joe  •  New Orleans, Louisiana  •  2 months ago
      Here we go again with yet another repeat of this silly-yuppie article (authored by Piper) that proves once again that the twittery social set knows not one damned thing about Service, etc. If your wait person must tap-dance around delivering a spiel about 5 pseudo-specials, topped with lemon grass, then you know you've walked into a know-nothing yuppie hangout where plates are "garnised with a medley of fresh bull$h8t.
    • Joe  •  New Orleans, Louisiana  •  2 months ago
      And there are over 3000 comments on this article because it's being repeated by Yahoo for the THREE THOUSANDTH TIME!!!!!!!
    • TS  •  2 months ago
      Seriously, iwait staff work hard, and do take a lot of crap at times, however, TIPS stand for, "To Insure Proper Service" if someone is good at their craft, they do notice these suttelties in the customer and it makes generally for a better dining experience. The one think I do HATE is, let me get a 5 dollar lunch, and put a 20 dollar bill in the binder, and the wait staff ask if I want any change or fail to bring me back any. Remember, it's mine, not yours and when you act as if you deserve it... I'm less likely to feel the same way
    • judith  •  2 months ago
      Overall I do not like waiters, I do not think they really pay any attention unless you order several drinks to fatten the check before dinner and for a female dining alone they seem to ignore me so I do not go out to eat much. I get stuff prepared to heat from Whole Foods or some such gourmet grocery and THEY pay attention. No tip! And if they think I have to dress up to get their attention I am not out to pick any of them up! Insulting to think about!
    • lisa435  •  Jackson, Mississippi  •  2 months ago
      Remember: There are thousands of ways a waiter can retaliate against a customer- a bad attitude will always cause you to lose out in the end, though you may never realize it. That last serving of creme brulee? You'll never know about it, because you chose to take advantage of your position, and your waiter's. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
    • Franco  •  Los Angeles, California  •  2 months ago
      Bad information about waiters and waitresses not getting paid anything. In California they get minimum wage plus tips......!
    • Tim B  •  Beaverton, Oregon  •  2 months ago
      I gotta disagree with this article. We don't get trained on how to "size up a table." Seriously? Where do you get this stuff? We are trained to look for clues, such as eye contact, glasses half full, etc... to get refills, check back and see if our table needs something, etc...

      But never, ever, ever, ever, are we trained in how to "size up" a table. That would be an incredibly bad business policy if it were put into practice.

      Side note though, sure we do size up a table when we walk up to it. We do try and identify all those nuances. But definitely not trained for it. It's a learned observation, not a taught one.
    • John James B  •  Meriden, Connecticut  •  2 months ago
      I started out as a cafe waiter and went all the way up to fine dining waiter in two of NYCs gold standard restaurants and I never heard of these techniques? We upsell you to increase our gratuity i.e. do you want salad with your pasta or if asked a wine recommendation we opt for the most expensive based on how you appear. Keep your sizing up I'll upsell all day everyday and drive home in my mercedes.
    • pete  •  2 months ago
      i nevr was a waiter but i could tell whata bunch of crap this was and confirmed bythe commentts of waiters....how do these people make a living writing such dribble
    • Jack  •  New York, New York  •  2 months ago
      To be relevant the article should have noted at what point they spit in the soup?

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