User post: etiquette for eating in a restaurant

Okay, first of all, most people need to get over their high and mighty attitude. True, a server is not a servant. However, treat them with respect. Don't sit there with your nose in the air, pen in hand waiting to dock dollars out of your server's tip for having your food out ten seconds later than you wanted. Do your best to keep your area clean. This is not your own personal zoo. Don't have your children running about screeching. It is rude to the other customers and staff. Remember when you were that young couple on a date and were bothered by the tangly haired toddler standing on his chair yelling like a bird. Try not to be the person with the tangly haired toddler. Or if you have a tangly haired toddler, make them sit in their chair or if they can't handle being quiet for a bit have them sit at home.
Treat people how you want to be treated. Is it that difficult? Don't you complain about your terrible job and the rude people you encounter? Well, guess what? You are that rude person to a server. You are equals. It doesn't matter if you are a billionaire or poor as dirt, you are both there to obtain something. Food and quality service or a paycheck. And my goodness, lower your nose and be humble. I always treat a server or anyone working with the utmost respect. They work just the same as I do. Also, I don't get pleasure out of making someone's day a living hell.
On the controversial subject of tips, you get what you deserve. If you will treat me like I am here to ruin your day, then chances are I will ruin your day with a miniscule tip. On the other hand, if you treat me like you care and smile, then I will give you a hefty tip. It is a two way street. Treat nice and be treated.
Personally, I couldn't care less if you address my boyfriend first. So, this isn't even an issue. Get over it and stop being possessive.
Oh and maybe I like to pack my own leftovers. Some restaurants don't allow it. This goes back to the server/servant issue.

True, you are paying for the service and your food. But the service you receive is almost always based off your behavior. There are always exceptions though.

I have been a server and agree with what you are saying. Keep in mind that what you are saying is better communicated when you use correct spelling, punctuation and grammar. Please don't perpetuate the idea that servers are uneducated.

i love reading all of your comments... this poor girl is NOT disgruntled! I have previously served, bartended, hosted and even owned a restaurant. Everything this girl is saying is very true. People bring their bad days with them and assume it's the staff who are having the bad day. Usually the staff have bad days because they are extremely disrespected and treated like slaves. This is one of the reason why I sold my restaurant. I got asked "so what else are you doing with your life". Well I own a restaurant and work my butt off... I guess that wasn't good enough for people. They must have thought I was the laziest person on the planet or uneducated.... boy were they wrong! People who work in the restaurant industry deal with more issues on a daily basis than most people put up with in a week and many of them have higher educations and other jobs, meaning some make more money than YOU! If you haven't worked in a restaurant I recommend working in one for at least a week in your life... you'll see what it's all about and think twice before you jump to conclusions about your server. And all of those rules like bring bread to your table RIGHT AWAY... usually restaurants want them to pace bringing out free stuff because people are disgusting pigs and only want to take take take and not pay pay pay. If you can't afford to go out to eat and tip accordingly then stay at home or go to McDonalds. :)

My sister-in-law raked in over $500 a week waiting tables at Bob Evans and I barely make that at my office job! Servers are not as hard pressed as they want you to think a lot of the time. Maybe you should get a different job because you just sound angry! Chill out! Yeah, I get that it's your job and a lot of the time people aren't always that great to you, but you chose to work there as opposed to another job. I pay 15% or 20% on a tip because I don't make that much either, and after a pricey tab and tax, paying you an additional 6 dollars for mediocre service is a bit much. Unless a server really impresses me, I leave 15%. Yeah, you have bills, but so do the rest of us.

thank you so much you really dont realize what servers go through until you actually are one. i did it for about 2 years and i hated it so much but it paid my bills.

when the paycheck comes, all of the time im wondering why.
but most of the time the satisfactions comes from simple greeting's, thank you's and general politeness.

my pay is less then 3usd per hour
i have to work more then one hour just to afford the cheapest item on the menu that im serving.
and no..... they dont tip at all where i come from.....

so, TIPS or NO TIPS, general ettiquette implies

ps. im quitting anyway

i agree people should be polite and have social graces, how ever i have had very rude servers, never smiled, never spoke just stood there mute till we placed our food order, so it really does work both ways, maybe you are just burnt out of your job, it happens, good luck to you!! jer

Uh, guys, servers aren't idiots- I know, I supported myself for 6 years in the industry. I'm sure the poster was referring to the majority of servers, who strive to give good service, so that the tip will be bigger. You would be suprised at the number of people who do not tip, regardless of smiles and prompt refills. And, if you go out on a Monday, you are going to get more personalized service then if you go out on A Friday. Sorry, them's the breaks- don't get pissed off at us because you came out on a weekend at 7:30 and the cook times are 40 minutes. And, Chris, I'm not sure if you know this, but tips are not the same as bonuses. If you get reprimanded or denied a bonus at work, you have still been paid for the time you out in. Servers get paid $2.13 an hour, almost all of which is taken up by taxes- so, no paychecks. Ever. If you tip poorly, the server literally has nothing to show for the hour she spent taking care of you- even if it was subpar, throw down a couple bucks. And, actually, Chris, I don't know servers who purposefully act horrible- they are all fully aware that if they want to pay those bills, they best put a smile on their face. If you recieved poor service, you can believe that something else was going on-credit machine went down, small fire in the kitchen, being shortstaffed. Stop being so pretentious, it's just a meal. If you have a comfortable budget, tip well. Trust me, these servers are living shift to shift- they're not trying to rip you off.

"We don't run our butts off getting you drinks, napkins, food, making sure you're happy THE WHOLE TIME to get a measily 3 dollars on anything over $15 bucks."
Nope. You do that because you're paid by the company to do that. I can tip you if I like, and I have no obligations to tip you a certain percent that YOU feel is fair. But I'm glad to hear that you have a certain number in your head, and anything lower than it just isn't acceptable. I love to give tips, but I do not love to feel the need to. You seem to have a false sense of entitlement (e.g. you're behaving like a spoiled brat), and need to get over yourself.

-this from someone who also garners gratuity (on her way to grad school)

I have to agree that some customers do treat us servers as their slaves no matter your attitude with them, but there are others that make up for that....as far as the children go, yes I believe that there should be more respect for the servers and other customers in the dinig area when it comes to most children these days, the parents are so busy on their cell phones they don't even realize that their children are making such a mess or disrupting the whole dining room, and we don't get paid to babysit, no matter how much of a tip you leave.....

I definitely tip 20%+ when the service is good, but how much to tip (and whether to tip at all) is my decision, and I resent being expected to leave a certain tip (or any tip at all.) If tipping servers was mandatory, it'd be automatically included in the bill (like it is in many parts of Europe.) However, it is not, and that leads me to conclude that the wait staff, while understandably hoping to receive tips, shouldn't EXPECT to receive them and should be aware that they work for a salary that should be enough to pay their bills. It is not my fault that you can't get a better job, so please don't take it out on me. If you signed up for a job that pays minimum wage, then you should do that job to the best of your ability and be grateful for any extra money that you get - even if its two bucks off of a $50 bill. And if that job doesn't provide you with enough financial support to pay your bill - get a different job!

I am a server and anyone who thinks that she was wrong has never been a server before. So before you go and make coments about her article be a server and see what we put up with. There is a lot more going on than you see.

WHINE WHINE WHINE....I tip 20% but i am not going to kiss your butt. You treat me with respect, I will treat you with respest. You come off really, really whiny in this and you lose the point....And speaking of etiquette, "boo" is not a word....

aren't 1 & 5 the same thing?

Female waitresses don't usually hit on my boyfriend when we are eating out together, but they constantly ignore me. It's really irritating - his glass will be refilled, plates cleared away, while she won't give me a second glance. It's super annoying and stupid on her part because my boyfriend notices this behavior as well and tips less.

I sure am getting sick of reading posts by waitstaff complaining that they're not making enough money. Just an fyi for you....pretty much no one with a job feels that they're being paid enough for the work they do. Generally, we all take it with a grain of salt, and hope to move up in the world some day to a job where we might be more appreciated and make more money.

If you are this cranky...maybe that's why you're not making the tips that you feel you should be making. Also...sorry sweetie but it's a recession and people don't have money like they used to. Tipping is NOT actually required, you should feel priveleged to receive any tips that you get. If you rely that heavily on your tips as part of your income, I'm guessing you're living well outside of your means. We're all feeling the crunch these days...but most people don't go around lecturing other people about the need to spend more. Your need to put food on your kids table is just as important as my need to put food on my table...so I need that extra money you feel you have the right to, as well.

Having said that...I'm not a small tipper, and I'm not cheap, but I refuse to tip on status quo. I tip on service. I'm always extremely friendly to waitstaff, but if my server is rude or forgetful, or ignores my table...there goes the tip. Not my fault...and really, not my problem

Consider your waiting job to be temporary....until you graduate from school, or find a decent career (maybe not in customer service, btw) that'd suit you more and afford you more income. Until then...realize that you are always going to have this gripe. Know that you're not alone though...everyone out in the work force feels underpaid and under appreciated.

For servers:

1) Whether it's busy or not, do not let the customer sit for more than a few minutes before greeting them politely and letting them know that you will be their server.
2) Don't do the 'no paper' order taking routine if there is even a 1% chance you'll screw up the order. It's lazy and it doesn't really impress anyone.
3) If you're having a bad day don't take it out on the customer. Put on a happy face even if it's not real. We don't care.
4) If you hate your job, don't let that effect how you do your job.
5) If there is a problem, don't blame it on the cooks, management, the lack of staff, etc. This only bothers customers. Own up to the problem and let us know you'll be taking care of it, and in what time frame we can expect it to be taken care of. Passing blame is very unprofessional.
6) Try to make eye contact with your table once every 5 minutes or so to make sure no one needs anything. Don't get lost for more than 10 minutes at a time, whether it's very busy or not. It's not our problem.
7) When our meal is done and we only need to pay, don't get lost for more than 10 minutes causing us to have to wait around just to pay. That's one of the most annoying things I experience at restaurants.
8) Don't expect 20% tip if you don't give better than average service. Do expect more than 20% tip if you give great service and I will happily oblige. Remember, it's your job to earn your tip, it's not our obligation to tip you regardless of the service.

First of all, I agree with most of these people who commented that Dan-jo needs to find a new line of work if she's so disgruntled. Her article sounds as if she's primed to explode on the next customer who doesn't follow her rules to the 'nth degree.

Secondly, it's odd that both men and women are mistaking her behavior as flirtatious toward the men. There are some women who seem unable to turn off the flirtatious mannerisms when talking to men because they don't know any other way to talk to men. The ONLY time I've ever felt annoyed when a server spoke with my significant other is when it's blatently obvious the server relies heavily on their good looks AND flirtatious mannerisms in order to secure a larger tip. Perhaps she's one of those women who do that.

Thirdly, let me first state that I'm a very good tipper. But, since when did tips increase from 18% to 20%? I nearly always give 20% anyway, but it shouldn't be "expected" from me.

And, by the way, whether I'm dining alone, or with a female friend, or with my husband, I'm the one who tips. I know for a fact that servers generally believe that women don't tip well, and it comes across in their attitude and service as a result. This annoys the **** out of me when it's noticeable, and I will reflect that with a reduced tip.

ALSO: sometimes when you have to wait for the check for a long time or something... We have limited computer stations. If someone is taking a long time entering their food into their station, we have to wait!
Meanwhile, another table just got seated in our section, and we ran out of sparkling water for table 71. We'd ask the busboy to go grab another bottle of water, but he's too busy polishing silverware because we ran out of knives in all the stations. This is the moment you realize that the kitchen is trying to turn tables, and brought out your steaks for table 81 about 5 minutes earlier than expected, and their steak knives aren't out yet. Your new table has been transferred from the bar, and the hostess forgot to give you their existing check, so you don't know what they're drinking. Or how much they owe. What was that new item on the dish? Oh, and which white wine will go best with those oysters? phew. remember to breathe.

I still love it. It's thrilling. Fast-paced. Fun.

WE WANT YOU TO HAVE AN AMAZING TIME! WE REALLY DO. We complain like this because we're on our feet for up to 12 hours. We hardly get to pee or drink water. Definitely don't get to eat for that entire period. And we all (hopefully) do this with a smile on our face, and we don't want you to realize that it is COMPLETE CHAOS. We want you to think that everything is under control. They might be "ignoring" you because they're trying really hard to keep their cool to get some errand done to get you the best service possible! Don't you ever talk shit about your jobs? You don't? Oh. Well, we do.

Oh, and we're not stupid. I got my bachelor's from NYU. My friends went to Juilliard, Pratt, BU, Columbia. One of our hostesses worked for Loehman Bros. We have lots of artists just trying to fuel their lives of creativity. We might just be working at a restaurant because we can't stand sitting down for extended periods of time. Just something to consider before you want to play God with our utilities bill. That $2.15/hr is not going very far, and I'm pretty sure I touched a booger or something that was on one of your plates.

And still... some of us love the job!

Ciao, ladies and gents. Be good to us!

Well I used to bartend and believe that your tip is based on service provided. Very few people I came across were really bad tippers, and if they were oh well, I got paid to work there and you can't expect everyone to be big tippers. What about the seniors on a fixed income that go out just to get out of the house and can't afford your 2o% tip, I would feel good if they tipped at all. Sometimes they just need to get out in society and maybe they nurse two drinks for the whole night, you still need to be polite and attentive. Your article just sounds angry and is not written well. I would get upset once in awhile when I was a server if I provided great service and wasn't tipped, but I kept it to my self and got over within a couple minutes, tipping is not mandatory it is earned. I tipp now based on the service I get and if it is crappy the server can expect a two dollar or less tip regardless of the bill total. I will not tip any server for crappy service!! Oh and if a server does not give me their name I will make one up for them, like "Bob" I'm not gonna holla across the seating area hey you lady or dude. So who ever that was that said they did not give their name, well your rude, and would have not gotten a tip from this former server/bartender. Just my opinion.