A Desire To Be Blond

How scary is it to change a look after wearing it for years and years? It may not be referred to as a signature look or a trend inspiring look, but it is still a look. And after wearing it for many years, it becomes a comfort zone.

Stepping out of a comfort zone is not easy; especially if the new look is a complete one-eighty. Going from brunette to blond, really blond, was that step for me. It was a change I always wanted to make. To have short and wavy platinum blond locks like Marilyn Monroe, or to be a super sexy bleached - out, tousle haired beach blond was the epitome of sex and beauty to me. But being too worried about what other people would think kept me from stepping out of that comfort zone for most of my life.

The first time I thought about bleaching my hair, I talked to my Mom. At that age, I wasn't scared to change my look; I wanted to appear older and sexy, like the people I saw in music videos. I remember watching David Bowie dance down a catwalk to his song Blue Jean, blond and edgy and totally cool; I was inspired! I told my Mom I wanted to cut my hair mega short, bleach it to white and put off centered blue streaks in it.

Can you guess how that discussion went? Trick question, there was no discussion! She was absolutely not going to let me do it. 'It would ruin your hair' she told me and 'your too young to do that to your hair'. Being only twelve years old I had no choice but to say okay and then to sulk in teenaged angst (okay, okay, I might be overstating my grace under fire….I was a blossoming young girl who knew everything, who thought I was old enough and who was convinced she wanted to ruin my life-yikes- maybe I was more dramatic than just giving in and saying okay).

When high school rolled around, still was not allowed to bleach my hair, but I was allowed to get perms (my Mom sympathized with me on this; in New Jersey during the 1980s big hair was it). By the time I graduated, I had so many perms my hair was damaged beyond belief. It was so screwed up I resorted to wearing a wig for a few years (blond of course)…which was weird for my friends, but I loved it! I loved the way it looked (although it totally did not look natural) and I loved the way I didn't have to fuss with my hair (I was always the first ready for a night out). My cocktail waitressing tips increased and I felt like a rock star. And guess what, wearing that wig was the best thing I ever did for my hair; it grew long again, it became healthy and shiny. I can actually say that I learned how to take care of my hair because of a wig!

Eventually I had to toss the haggard thing out, such a sad day. But by then, I had fabulous hair so it wasn't that bad. I took care not to perm, color, over wash or bleach it. I still I envied the girls who had the guts to bleach out their hair, a desire which stuck with me, ever since I was little.

Finally, when I was thirty (or so), I did it. I did it myself; at home and initially I thought I was crazy. I didn't turn into a platinum blond, but it was very, very blond - Nordic blond. For an

at-home job, it wasn't bad. Over the next few days, I grew to like it more and more. But the shade of blond was harsh on my pale complexion (I'm a ruddy Irish girl). I went back to the drug store and purchased a box of golden brown hair color, unsure of what color it would actually turn my hair. After I applied it, even my Grandmother complemented me! It looked so good. The color came out as a very light strawberry blond.

Light strawberry blond, tousled and beachy became my comfort zone for the next five (or so) years. It was great! Of course the processing did damage my hair, and I am currently trying to get it to a healthy state again (sans the wig this time). Maybe next time I totally bleach it out I will cut it short and make it wavy, like Marilyn Monroe.