giving up my dream (for her)

In my (after)life, as a parent, many people wouldn't now know me as an athlete. After (almost) eight consecutive years of being pregnant or nursing, I haven't had much time to pursue my prior love of anything sporty.

In my past life, I may have been someone to be feared on the volleyball court or the ultimate frisbee playing field. I miss the feeling of instinct ruling muscle and the victory that results from a full body sacrifice.

Like many parents, I may have been guilty of thinking that my daughter would be able to live out my dreams of being a sports hero, whether playing on a national circuit, ascending the podium at the Olympics or just winning a regional championship for her school. After all, with the genes she has been given through me and her tall and athletic father, she should be a shoe-in for a variety of athletic honors.

Sadly, I think there has been a malfunction in the handing down of DNA. While she clearly has my eyes and her dad's mouth, athletic ability does not make up her gift mix. My daughter is musical, she has a flair for the dramatic, and for writing, but I do not think that sports are calling her name like they did mine.

And this has been surprisingly hard to accept.

Growing up, watching those sitcoms where the horrible mother pushes her kids to do something they hate because she never got to fulfill her dreams, I vowed that my kids would have complete and utter freedom to pursue any and all of their own interests, regardless of my own.

That is a vow I still intend to fulfill; but I am having a harder time coming to acceptance of the reality than I ever dreamed I would. I am excited to see what is in store for my daughter as she comes more fully into who she is and develops those areas where she already shines. If sports are not a part of her future, I know I will be fine with that.

I just need to take a little moment to mourn the loss of the bonding I thought would take place on the way to practices and tournaments. My own expertise in athletics is not going to be of any use to her as she fulfills her own dreams and ambitions.

Since my dream is not going to be fulfilled in her, I'm going to figure out a way to fulfill a different dream of mine: the local flag-football team had better be ready...I'm headed your way!

photo by familymwr

You can read more of Melanie's parental hopes, dreams and fears at her blogs: (after)life and tales from the crib.